


Come Away with Me

by baeconandeggs, yeolimerent



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Brief mentions of accidents and rape, Fantasy, M/M, Mentions of Past Hetero Relationship, Mentions of Psychological Disorders, Minor Character Death, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 06:22:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 53,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14805998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeolimerent/pseuds/yeolimerent
Summary: Standing with that captivating smile on his face, Baekhyun's hand reaches out for him.And that moment, Chanyeol realizes...maybe dying isn't that scary at all.





	1. Come Away with Me, In the Night

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** (BAE179)  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
>  
> 
> **Author's Note:**
> 
>  
> 
> To the prompter, I did my best though I didn't expect it'll turn out to be this twisted or dragged and I'm sorry for that hahaha. It's been really hard working under pressure when you also have a lot going on in your life. So a major thanks to the mods for being so patient with me. Thank you to AN for helping me out with the story's outline!!! You're the best. Also, to SRT who beta-ed this fic until the last minute and shared ideas with me, thank you!
> 
> Please do remember that I only have basic knowledge about the disorders mentioned as I have not experienced any of it (fortunately), so I apologize if something is inaccurate. Like what I mentioned in the tags/warning, this has a top!baek scene so if you feel uncomfortable, then feel free to discontinue. Plus this is set on the early 2000’s so I hope some scene will not be misunderstood (e.g. lack of technology, etc.)
> 
> I was inspired by Baekhyun’s MMA’17 look so that’ll be the image of him I visualized throughout the story! (Chanyeol’s look totally depends on you lol). The title and sub-titles are inspired by Norah Jones’ song.

It was almost the end of Spring.

**_"Stand up. Look straight. Straight. Focus on your goal. Don't be fucking stupid, stand up and punch his goddamn face you―"_ **

"It's coming."

The voice in his head abruptly stops when he hears someone speak.

It was a forced chuckle. The anxiety beneath those words didn't go unnoticed even when he tried hard to conceal it.

"It's the time of the year again!" another airy laugh tries to lighten the atmosphere, as if it's a piece of cake. As if their hearts aren't beating in fear whenever they try to count the days passing by.

He looks at the spot where his friend is currently looking at. His eyes are fixated on the same dark lines, almost looking like simple lines from his sight but if you look closely, they're not simple lines, but numbers. Numbers written on the right corner of his left wrist.

His gaze moves to his own arms, looking back to his friend's wrist then back to his own again, brows creasing as he compares them. He could hear the laughter from the distance.

"Chanyeol."

He woke up from his deep sea of thoughts when Jongin calls for him. With brows raised, he looks at them, only to see them watching him do the same thing all over again, their faces screaming sympathy.

"Hmm?" Chanyeol acts casual when he realizes they know what he's doing. Moreover, he hates that pity party from their faces alone.

"Don't mind them. They're a bunch of fucktards, everyone knows that." he says. They could still hear the laughter from a bunch of guys who walked past them. Chanyeol only gave an unconvincing nod.

Jongin sighs before repeating the question.

"Can you go to my house on the Twenty first? Kyungsoo, for sure, won't agree this time." he asks, almost pleading.

"Twenty first...?" Chanyeol forces a smile. Jongin notices this but continues to beg him anyway.

"Please, man. Mom will lock me up again inside my room for the whole day! We can play my new Nintendo with any game you like!" Jongin almost pouts, his usual cool image gone in a snap as he tries to convince Chanyeol, "I can't take those long hours doing nothing, damn, boredom will probably be the reason of my death if ever."

"U-Uhm..." he doesn't really know what to answer, but he also doesn't want to say no especially to his friends.

"Please!"

"Jongin, you're an idiot." Jongdae butts in, almost smacking Jongin on the head but misses it. "You only think about yourself, don't you? Of all people, you really ask Chanyeol?  _Chanyeol?"_ he says, almost rolling his eyes. And Chanyeol finds himself looking at his own hands again.

"But he's the only one available because all of you will probably be locked in your rooms too. You wouldn't be able to accompany me, because unfortunately, we all have the same month of misery!"

"And you think Chanyeol is the best choice to keep you entertained?" the other one butts in, brows creasing. "Amongst all of us, he's the one at risk!"

"But why? He's not even marked!"

"Exactly, you  _dumbass!"_

Jongin ends up frowning on his seat, unable to retaliate. Out of all of them, he's the one who can't seem to comprehend the point regarding this topic.

Oh, and neither does Chanyeol.

The doe-eyed twenty two year old is quietly staring into space, the words his friends had exchanged are echoing inside his head. He doesn't understand whatever it is happening to him, and why he was born like this.

Maybe he'll never understand.

"Hey Jongin, when are we going to play your new game set?" a cold-looking man sits on his usual spot beside them, unable to notice the eerie aura around the table. He slams his books on the table, as if he's so tired of holding them. Right then, he gazes at all of them before calling the other again, "Hey!"

"For fuck's sake, Sehun." Jongin hisses, his mood obviously ruined by his approaching dilemma.

"What?" Sehun asks innocently.

"My  _Fatum_  is coming so if you don't mind, I'm going to make sure I'm alive first!"

Sehun opens his mouth in awe, nodding in realization.

"Ah I forgot about that! Mine's not yet coming so..." he purses his lips, his gaze leaving Jongin's frowning face as he looks at his other friends. "Damn, y'all got the same month of Fatum!Amazing! I'm the only one that's different and well...Chanyeol-hyung..." Sehun chuckles awkwardly when he begins bringing this up again.

"Well we don’t know about that." Jongin says dryly.

The bunch glares at him again for the insensitive remark but Chanyeol only smiles like how he usually does. As if he's convincing them that he doesn't give a shit anymore. If he suddenly dies, then so what? Everyone dies.

Chanyeol is so good at pretending that he doesn’t care anymore, when the truth is, it bothers him every night of his unsure life.

"Hyung, don't worry about Jongin. I'll accompany him instead, just stay in your house." Sehun mutters to him when they start walking back to their classes.

"I can still join the two of you, I'm not really busy on Saturday so―"

He is interrupted when Junmyeon clicks his tongue, hissing in disagreement. "Don't be stupid. You know it's not safe for you." Chanyeol looks at him but Junmyeon dismisses the glance as he taps his arm, "We're just concerned. We wouldn't want you risking your life for any of us, Chanyeol." he flashes a timid smile before walking away to his class.

 

 

 

Chanyeol attends the rest of his classes that day. He isn't much of an achiever, but his grades aren't that bad as well. He can cope up in terms of listening to lectures since he doesn't have someone to talk to among his classmates. His friends are the only ones he interacts with because again, he isn't the typical person to indulge people's curiosity about him.

From school, he immediately goes to the nearest supply shop. He contemplates for a few minutes, standing stiffly in front of a huge shelf of oil paints. His hands are holding different shades of brown and yellow, visualizing images in his mind to carefully decide. Right when he did, he pays and goes out to start his journey to his home.

He takes the subway train, putting his earplugs in his ears while he endures the train ride for almost an hour. The flickering post lights make him shake his head.  _What has the local government been doing, seriously?_ Nevertheless, he walks inside the quiet and dimmed neighborhood, where you can only hear the faint sound of news and radio statics from the houses. Both hands in his pockets, Chanyeol manages to get a glimpse of the house from a distance. He stops in his tracks, trying to see if something's unusual before completely walking towards it.

He lets out a few sighs before pulling out his earplugs from his ears. Slowly, he opens the door, unlocking it in the process. The house is a lot older than it looks, basing from the creaking sound the door makes and the low maintenance of the place as a whole. The eerie sound of his steps on the squeaking floor makes him cringe. It's hard to keep his arrival silent even if he wants it to be as sneaky as possible.

"Where have you been?"

Chanyeol jumps in surprise. He holds onto the stairs as he stops himself from cussing, still making sure the paper bag of his bought supplies is hidden behind him. His heart is beating so fast, he lets out a few puffs of breath.  _Damn._

"M-Mom..." he taps his hand on his chest as he forces a smile, "You startled me."

"What time is it?"

Chanyeol blinks. His eyes move to the wall clock behind her. The woman remains standing in front of him, lips curved in an unknowing smile. Her hands hold each other behind her as she watches him.

"S-Seven?"

"Your class ends at five." she says calmly before looking at his hidden hands then back to his face, Chanyeol gulps.

"I stayed in school for a bit...for a project." he steps downstairs and slowly goes near her to kiss her cheek, "S-Sorry, Mom."

Her blank gaze stays on Chanyeol. His hands are trembling slightly, he can't help looking at her ears instead. Something about her gaze makes Chanyeol want to pee in his pants.

Right then, her face breaks into a smile. Though her eyes stay the same. She holds his face, tapping it lightly.

"Come home straight away, Chanyeol-ah." she smiles, "Okay? Change your clothes and come down for dinner." she says before leaving him to go to the kitchen, almost breathless.

As soon as he manages to catch his own breath, he quickly runs upstairs to his bedroom. He closes the door, then looks back at it as if contemplating whether he should lock it or not. In the end, he does, like always.

He sits on his bed, and the small photo on the side table doesn't escape his attention for once. He forces a smile.

" _Damn,_ she scares me so much, Yoora."

As soon as he lays down on his back, his thoughts wander again. He starts thinking about Jongin, Junmyeon, Jongdae. How they must feel that their Fatums are coming.

Chanyeol thinks about it. But then he realizes, the answer is easy. They must be feeling the way he feels every day.

Everyone knows. They know when it's coming. The lines somewhere on their bodies tell their fate, indicating the month and day, but not the year.  _Death._ It comes for everyone. Each of them has an ultimatum to do whatever they please. And it's the same question every year, are you gonna be lucky or is it your last one?

 _"What has been spoken"―_ is what the word Fatum means, as long as what Chanyeol can remember from that boring Mythology class from eighth grade. Spoken by whom?  _The gods? Life?_ Chanyeol asks in his mind,  _or maybe Satan himself?_

_I mean, who are you to decide when a person dies? Isn't that so dumb and cruel?_

Chanyeol lets the end of the brush meet the clean canvas. His strokes are going from hard to light. His gaze is straight, attention completely focused on the canvas while looking at the door every now and then to check if he really locked it. Right then, he pulls out another post card he got from a souvenir store, Prague’s Charles Bridge is on it. He places it beside the canvas and starts visualizing the background he wants for this certain piece.

_Why would you want to limit people's freedom to do something without being scared of dying?_

Maybe of all people, he knows it too well. That feeling of being uncertain every day, asking himself if it'll be the last time he wakes up. Or every night, thinking whether he'll wake up the next day.

Maybe if he was born in a different world, this could be a gift. Maybe being  _unmarked_ wouldn't be such a curse.

More than twenty two years and Chanyeol still couldn't understand what is possibly wrong with him. Why he's missing the dark lines everyone has. He hoped, and maybe prayed once, that he's just a late case. Maybe they'll appear once he grows up. But up until now, every inch of his skin is clear of them. He hates them, that's a fact. He doesn't get the point why people should have those stupid marks. But there are times when he wishes he had them too. Maybe his life could've been so different. Maybe it wouldn't be this miserable.

_Maybe those stupid voices can finally stop. Or they wouldn't even be there in the first place._

Chanyeol paints everything he believes. Especially about the idea that exists in the world he lives in. He always thinks about how the world could've been without this  _expiration date._ Where you're unaware, but free. Every day of his life, all he hears and sees is death.  _She died, he died, she must be dying._ The television shows tell you how to save yourself from possible death. A bunch of annoying conspiracy theories about what year and how a famous person will die. Movies are all about it too, romanticizing death as if love can conquer it as well. _Bullshit,_ if you ask Chanyeol. He can't even remember the last time he sat in front of the TV to endure watching every single shit about dying. He lives in a world where people barely even know the day they were born. Because the moment they were, they're already hung up on the dates on their bodies. _Birthdays? Who cares about that? Deathdays? Oh you survived your Fatum this year? We have to celebrate._ That has always been the mindset. Imagine celebrating the day you'll leave the world rather than the day you arrived?  _Tragic,_ Chanyeol emphasizes it with the stains on his fingers. It was such a dull world.

It feels so dead. Waiting for your death to come kills you earlier than you know. You're alive, but you're dead.  _Crazy, right?_

Chanyeol sighs heavily before moving the canvas along with the wooden stand. Right then, he covers it with a thin white cloth. He carefully puts it behind the big closet where he made a little space to hide. Where he's sure no one can find it. Along with it is a pile of post cards with images of the different cities he dreams of going someday. He cleans up and lays down on his bed, facing the window. He tries to breathe and clear his mind from the heavy thoughts this day brought him. He also tries to lighten his chest.

But before he dozes off, Chanyeol still finds himself uttering the same words of plead.

_Please don't let me die tomorrow_

* * *

 

 

"Jongin is skipping class today." Jongdae shrugs, "Oh, and also Junmyeon."

Chanyeol only nods. Sehun is the only one who manages to react.

"They still have a week!"

"Yeah, and they could be killed or get hit by the bus today to go into coma for a full week. Will you quit it, Sehun?"

"Tss, please."

Jongin's mark is on the 21st. While Junmyeon goes after two days, which is the 23rd. Jongdae's Fatum had passed almost two weeks ago. They all have the same month of Fatum days. Sehun is the only one whose Fatum is in another month.

People usually keep themselves overly protected whenever their Fatum season comes. Of course, they're literally being hunted by death itself. There are usual safety precautions to follow but most commonly, they just lock themselves in the safest place they know to avoid it.

So it's not surprising that the three of them are the only ones left to go to school for the rest of the week. Because even the mark on your skin passes, it's still not safe to go around right after the date because the marks are proven to have no definite time zone to follow. So if you're Fatum passed in your country, it still is in some other parts of the world. You literally can go celebrate shit right after and still get yourself killed.

_Neat._

"They're no fun. Why would you go hiding this early?" Sehun continues to blabber until Jongdae once again ends up glaring at him to try to prove a point, "Tell them to get their boring asses back here and stop being scaredy-cats." he hisses. Chanyeol stays behind them, acting as if he didn’t hear it.

He has to be the biggest scaredy-cat among them.

"Hate to break it to you, but we're not as reckless,  _easy-going,_ as you are. They're actually trying to survive here."

"Okay, if not wanting to remember dull and boring room corners, cricket sounds as my last week on earth is called _reckless,_ then I think I really am one." Sehun points out, "That's the goddamn purpose of a mark! So that you'll know when you should really live your life like the last time, hello?" 

Chanyeol agrees. But does he really have the right to? He's doing what they're doing. Everyday.

"How about you, Hyung?" Sehun faces him, doing everything to win the argument even when Jongdae already nudges his side. "If you―well, of course... just _if,_ because you don't have it―but if you're marked like us... Wouldn't you want to live your final week to the fullest as well?" the younger asks, almost close to demand. A demand for him to say yes, as if it'll change the fact that he's not marked.

He looks at Jongdae, who's watching him with the  _same_ look. He gulps before reluctantly nodding.

"Of c-course..." he stutters.  _Really huh?_ "But I understand the―"

"See?" Sehun cuts him off, almost snapping at Jongdae. "You know what? Chanyeol-hyung is even lucky he's not marked. I mean, he can live his life everyday like it's the last! I don't see the reason why you should be afraid everyday just because you don't know when you're dying! You should go out there, make the most out of it! If I were―"

"Sehun, can you shut the fuck up even once? Jongin isn't here but your mouth talks for the two of you."

"What? It's true! Hyung is supposed to see his case as a gift! YOLO every day, duh!" he even rolls his eyes. Sehun really talks too much, it's given. He stops again as if he had recalled something, "Speaking of YOLO, hang out with us tonight! We're going to a varsity house party. I've been wanting to invite you but Jongdae-hyung here keeps on insisting that it's dangerous for you. Like what the fuck is that? So exaggerating." he waves his hands in frustration. Chanyeol sees Jongdae avoiding his gaze when he got exposed. He's used to it so he just smiles.

"So, you coming, right hyung? Seulgi's gonna be there."

Chanyeol slowly shakes his head, "No...sorry. I should go home early, Mom and I are gonna go somewhere." It's a lie, of course. His mother only goes out of the house once in a blue moon. But...this party, like anything else, doesn't appear to him as a good idea. And he doesn't blame Jongdae and his other friends if they automatically exclude him in their plans. It's not their fault if he really is...limited.

The shifting reaction from Sehun's face didn't escape his attention.

"You are so gonna die in boredom, hyung."

   

   

  

Someone's following him.

Chanyeol doesn't even need to turn around. He can hear the footsteps behind him and the faint laughter. Not one, but many of them. His heart starts pounding against his chest and he's sweating too much. He knows where he'll end up, but he still denies it to himself.  _I'll go home. Calm and safe._

"Hey, kid!"

He walks faster, taking advantage of his long legs to run and walk at the same time. He looks around, trying to spot a cab passing by and cursing the realization that the place is too isolated to even give him a chance. Chanyeol tries to dismiss the fact that his hearing is starting to go muffled as he feels his heartbeat in his ears. He looks behind him, and that moment he knew it was a wrong choice when a group of thugs start running after him. He runs away as fast as he can, the bag of canvas and oil paints falling from his grip.

Some people think too high of themselves. Some already stopped caring. And when they collide, they tend to hurt or kill people only to prove that they are superior even more than death itself. These people want to put others' fate in their hands. They rise terror in town especially when their own Fatum seasons are over or too far to worry about. News says that these thugs find their victims anywhere, the farther your Fatum day is, the better it is for them.

Chanyeol couldn't believe that they're after him right now. He wants to blame himself, probably for putting himself in this state. If he just went home earlier then he must have been safe. He wouldn't be here, running for his life.

Out of all people, why him? It must be his time. His friends might be right, danger has always been around the corner for him.

He continues to run wherever his feet take him. He's shaking. And all the things he's feeling right now terrify him more than the thugs coming after him. It's happening again. And it's scarier than he thought.

**_"Run. Run. Run as fast as you can, don't look back."_ **

**_"They're gonna kill you. You're gonna fucking die, Chanyeol."_ **

Chanyeol tears up. His gaze is uneasy but it manages to catch a glimpse of the double lights from a fast running motorcycle. It passes by them and makes him even more hopeless. It's dark so it probably didn't see him running.

He turns left and grabs this chance to hide himself behind the pile of hollow blocks on the sidewalk. The pile of sand made it even more slippery. He breathes heavily, unable to think properly. His chest is pounding so hard.

"S-Shit..." Chanyeol cusses between his heavy breathing. He's starting to choke. He holds tighter on the hard blocks to keep his balance, hearing the footsteps coming closer to him. He tries hard to remain silent. His eyes are starting to form tears. He pushes his palms tightly on both his ears, as if it would stop the voices in his mind.

**_"Come out... come out and give them what they want."_ **

**_"Come out, now Chanyeol, come out. Let them kill you."_ **

"Show up now, boy! Just give us the money and you can go home!" he hears them yell, followed by some chuckles. Chanyeol covers his mouth with his trembling hand. He knows it. They're not just after the money. Once they find him, he's over.

"I know you're there. C'mon now, mate. Don't be scared."

He shuts his eyes close. He can't take it anymore. He's close to falling. He's close to passing out. The footsteps are getting nearer too.

**_"You're gonna die. Kill them or you'll die. Focus. Run Chanyeol run!"_ **

**_"I'm going to die. They're gonna kill me. I'm going to die. They're gonna kill me. I'm going to die. They're gonna kill me. I'm going to die. They're gonna kill me―"_ **

"Ah! This fucki—"

Chanyeol prepares for it. But it doesn't come. Instead, he narrows his eyes from the painfully bright light from behind the blocks. The engine noise blasted with it. Chanyeol covers himself from the sand flying all over the place because of the motor wheels. He tries to see the driver but it's too bright to even try.

He could hear the goons cursing at the top of their voices. Most of the sand flew to where they are, getting into their eyes and noses. When they started coughing, the driver leans down to grab some rocks to throw at them. His helmeted head tilts to his side, where Chanyeol watches him.

 _"Hop!"_ he yells and Chanyeol isn't even sure if he meant him. But when he sees the thugs preparing to retaliate, he tries hard to stand up and hop right behind the driver. He unconsciously holds the driver's jacket hem to prevent himself from falling off the motor as they struggle to drive away from there.

Chanyeol was keeping his eyes closed until he finally feels the wind brushing against his face and the smooth running of the motorcycle. He opens his eyes to see the drivers back and the long highway ahead of them. Chanyeol starts breathing roughly through his mouth. His eyes are already blurry. He's unable to hold onto anywhere anymore as his nerves tremble. The driver tilts his head to the left when he hears Chanyeol's struggle. They speed up even more.

**_"They'll come for you. They'll kill you. They'll come for you. They'll kill you."_ **

He swallows hard. It's been a long time since the last attack, and it wasn't this bad. He feels a hand grabbing his shaking ones to wrap them around the other's waist and keep them still in front. Chanyeol immediately pulls them back uneasily. But he's spinning head makes him regret it.

"Hold on." he hears a voice in front of him, from the one gripping his hands to his front. "Just hold on to me so you won't fall."

Chanyeol doesn't argue anymore. His hands are clasped together around the stranger's waist. His worsening feeling makes him lean his face on the other's back. The scent is unfamiliar but it wasn't unwelcoming either.

The voices eventually faded away.

  

  

  

Chanyeol badly wants to throw up. But when he got off the motorcycle, he just let himself sit on the grass and calm his breathing. He looks around to see the Han River in front of him. The stranger remains standing behind him, as far as he knows.

He breathes in the air he can get. His chest is still tightening, but not as bad as before. He wants to laugh at himself, because even with his hardest attempt, he can't seem to make himself feel better whenever he's like this.

"S-Sorry..." Chanyeol chuckles even if he's struggling to breathe, he clutches his chest when he starts hiccupping. "I might be— _huk_ \- f-freaking you out... Don't worry about me."

"It's fine..."

The voice behind him sounds clearer now. It isn't muffled like it was when he wore a helmet. Chanyeol is intrigued actually. But he can't get himself to glance behind when he looks like a mess.

A hand reaches out beside him with a bottle of water in it. He takes it with his still trembling hand before drinking it continuously. His breathing starts to become stable.

"Good?"

Chanyeol finds himself finally looking at the man kneeling beside him. His lips are curved into a smile as he looks at Chanyeol. His silver hair compliments the dim post lights around the Han River.

Chanyeol might have just stared a little longer.

"T-Thanks..." he gulps as he gives back the bottle to him. The man sits beside him as he closes the bottle cap. Chanyeol tries to keep his gaze straight.

"Are you okay? I mean..." even his laugh is gentle and Chanyeol can't help looking once more, "I know it sounds dumb because you obviously weren't. But...is it something serious? Do I have to bring you to the hospital?"

"No don't...don't worry..." Chanyeol smiles formally, "It's just...my panic attacks. They're kinda reoccurring." Chanyeol catches the look of worry on his face, "But don't worry. I-I'm fine..." he says before looking away when his stare goes deeper.

"Oh..." even his simple smile looks like a sly one, "But you feel okay now, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks, by the way." Chanyeol tries to be more casual, "I might have been a cold corpse now if you didn't come."

"I won't disagree on that." the man chuckles, "They're out there again, hurting a lot of people. But you don't really have anything to worry about if your mark isn't soon yet." he says and Chanyeol doesn't answer. He only forces a smile.

Silence takes over them.

"Do you mind?"

He asks Chanyeol out of the blue, making the latter turn to him again. A cigarette stick is in between his fingers. Chanyeol doesn't really like the smell of cigarettes. He doesn't get why people are so obsessed with it.

Nonetheless, he shakes his head.

"No." he answers timidly. The man stands up from his seat and takes a few steps forward as he lights it up. He faces to the right, where Chanyeol can get a clear view of his side profile. The man, who remains a stranger, is currently looking at the far distance. His right hand is on his waist, thin puff of smoke coming out of his lips.

Chanyeol completely loses himself by watching him. The man is definitely shorter than him, in terms of height. But his aura is something else. His silver hair doesn't even make him any less appealing. His dark polo has its sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the first few buttons are unbuttoned. Chanyeol can't stop himself watching the simple movements of his hand to his lips.

He is...

"Want one?"

Chanyeol blinks in surprise. He must have looked stupid spacing out like that.

"Huh?"

The man grins, "You're watching me too much I figured you might want one too."

 _Idiot._ Chanyeol internally curses himself. He purses his lips before shaking his head once again.

"No, I..." he says sheepishly. "I don't smoke."

The other just shrugs. But Chanyeol becomes even more conscious when he starts watching him too. Unlike him, the man seems unbothered to be caught. He blatantly watches Chanyeol with his narrowing eyes, as if trying to read him.

"Are you still studying?"

Chanyeol nods, "It's my final year."

He also nods slowly. Although it seemed that this isn't really what intrigues him about Chanyeol. Maybe he just wanted to initiate a conversation.

"What do you do?" he asks again, breaking into a smile when he realizes he sounded too nosy even when Chanyeol didn't mind. "I mean, aside from studying 'cause―"

"I paint." Chanyeol answers, "Not as a profession though...just a hobby. I'm used to staying home just to paint."

"Really? That's nice!"

“Yeah..." he bites his lip before continuing, "Though I'm a little uninspired right now so my artworks do not satisfy me at all."

The man nods slowly, his lips are casually letting the smoke out of it along with his breath.

"Why? If you don't mind me asking, but...there's a lot of things around that can inspire you. Don't you get anything from the places you visit?" he sounded genuinely curious, and Chanyeol hasn't met someone as interested as him to what he does. "I'm sure you do. After all, you're a painter."

"I..." he feels so embarrassed but he just had to say it, "Well, I d-don't really leave the house. I always go straight home after school." he awkwardly chuckles as he shrugs his shoulders, "I don't know...I just don't feel like going out. Maybe because I'm afraid things like tonight will happen."

He prepares himself to be judged, more or less, be sympathized again. He gathers the courage to look at the man's reaction to his revelations but all he sees is blank. He can't read his expression at all, though looking thoroughly, a small curve is still etched on his lips. Chanyeol's gaze fell on the grass again.

"Just lay on your back."

Chanyeol looks back at him. The man is roaming his gaze around but he's pretty sure he heard him talk.

"Sorry?"

"If that ever happens again. Lay on your back and keep every muscle relaxed." he stepped on the cigarette he just consumed before walking towards Chanyeol. He almost stiffened when he sat beside him again.

"Oh...okay." Chanyeol didn't know what to answer.

"Sorry. I might sound nosy. It just seemed like you didn't know...what to do exactly, a while ago." he says, looking straight into his eyes. Chanyeol looks away, chuckling sheepishly.

"Maybe it'll help. But no matter how random it is, you need to relax even if it's hard. Close your eyes and think of your happy place. You can also have a mantra. It works."

"Mantra? As in..."

"Yeah, whatever helps you relax." he shrugs, "You know, you can say _Voldemort_ continuously. Or _fartface_." Chanyeol smiles at this, " _Fartface, fartface, fartface._ Until it stops."

"And those words help you?" Chanyeol laughs.

"If I were you, they would!" the stranger smiles wide, "But like I said, it totally depends on you.”

"Okay, I'll do that."

"Though panic attacks aren't fatal. You don't have anything to worry if your Fatum isn't coming yet. You should just chill out."

Chanyeol sighs.

"I wish."

The man looks at him because of this, his smile fading.

"Oh...is it near?"

Chanyeol shakes his head, a ghost of smile still on his face.

"I don't have one."

He looks straight in front, waiting for an exaggerated reaction like how other people reacted when they knew.

But when silence starts to take over again, he can't help facing the man beside him, curious of the lack of reaction.

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah." the beautiful stranger nods, eyes looking up to the sky then back to him. "I understand...people are usually in denial whenever it's near."

Chanyeol laughs sarcastically, "I wish I was in denial. But I'm not." his smile looks rather hopeless, "I was born without a mark. And every day, I have to deal with it."

Now he could feel the man staring at him. His gaze moves from the sky to the person beside him.

"So you don't have those lines..."

Chanyeol shakes his head, looking down at his exposed skin. And when he looks at the stranger again, his eyes catch the sly smile on his face. As if he's the biggest mystery he's ever come across and he just solved it. Chanyeol almost thought his breath hitched.

"That's crazy..." the man beside him says through the small smile. His eyes are looking in front, as if in deep thought about something. Chanyeol couldn't help creasing his brows, watching him in confusion.  _What seems to be fascinating about it?_

 _"_ H-How―" Chanyeol immediately clears his throat when he stuttered, "How about you? When's your doomsday?"

"I don't have one." the man says, still grinning.

Chanyeol puffs an air of disbelief. Who is he fooling? From that flawless skin of his, he can clearly point out the dark lines on his—

Wait.

"Is that..."

"A tattoo, yes. A man made one." he answers while watching Chanyeol carefully looking at his arm. A look of satisfaction is on his face.

"I had that written on me." he adds. The lines on his arm look very identical to the natural mark everybody has. But it's still very easy to differentiate if it's a mark or a simple tattoo if you observe closely. And what Chanyeol is looking at right now is definitely a tattoo.

"S-So your mark is located somewhere else?"

He hears a gentle laugh as an answer.

"I told you. I'm like you." he raised his brows, "I don't have it."

"You m-mean..."

"I'm unmarked too."

Chanyeol's mouth flew open in awe. For the first time, he actually found someone who's like him. Who shares the same misery as him. And it's like a breath of fresh air.

The man looks at him. He looks at the way Chanyeol's face flashes that stunned expression. Instead of laughing, he only smiles wider.

Chanyeol was slapped by the truth when his wristwatch starts beeping, indicating his worst time for a curfew. He jumps to his feet, making the other watch him in surprise.

"Oh shit..." he breathes heavily, visualizing the look on his mother's face once she sees him. "I need to go. Sorry...it's my curfew."

"Wait—calm down, will you? We don't want another attack, do we?" Chanyeol starts inhaling and exhaling deeply, "I'll give you a ride. Where do you live?"

"N-No... It's okay. You already helped me a lot."

"Nonsense. We both know it's still not safe to wander alone this late, plus it's faster to get there with this." he doesn't wait for Chanyeol to defy as he hands him the helmet, "C'mon."

He's right. Chanyeol decides to just obey. Once he hops behind with his helmet on, they drive faster than they should. Ironic how it doesn't feel unsafe at all.

Once they reach the highway, he taps the man's back to signal him to stop. He quickly removes his helmet to look at him.

"I'm fine here. Thanks a lot. I should really get—"

"Wait, your house is here?" he wasn't even listening to him, looking around to spot a house where Chanyeol must be living at. But it's nothing but a highway.

"Uh...It's in the subdivision on the other side. Vehicles aren't allowed on the way, so I take the overpass." Chanyeol eagerly explains.

"What?" the man looks at him in disbelief, "That far? It's literally on the other side of this highway, you can even get there in three backflips."

Chanyeol's stomach clenches even with the thought of it.

"What? Come on!"

"No...no." he shakes his head, "We can't. I-It's illegal."

"Do you know anyone who went to jail for walking across the other side of the highway?"

Chanyeol looks at the few vehicles passing quickly on the long road. Even the sound of the big trucks makes his heart pound like crazy.

"I-I can't."

The stranger looks at him, gaze testing.

"Are you afraid?"

He wants to say no. He should say no. But his face says it all. And why on earth will he run across a deadly road with someone whose fate is uncertain as him? He's not completely mental to do that.

The man steps towards him when he didn't answer, both his brows raised. Chanyeol looks into his dark orbs, and then he starts drowning again.

"Wait." he stands a feet away from Chanyeol, "Can you tell me your name now?"

"Chanyeol..." he swallows to prevent himself from stuttering, "Park Chanyeol."

The man grins, then he sighs before asking.

"Don't you trust me, Chanyeol? After everything that happened tonight?"

 _Of course not._ Chanyeol says to himself. He barely knows the guy. Why would he trust him?

But he stood there, looking conflicted as ever.

Maybe it was something about how he called his name.

There's just...something about him.

"I won't let you die." he chuckles, then with that captivating smile of his, he offers his hand. "Come on."

When Chanyeol reaches for his hand, all he was able to recall was that glimpse of smile from the man's face as they run towards the other side of the highway.

He runs with his eyes closed. He just ran, and let someone pull him in the right direction. His heart is beating so fast, but not because of an incoming attack. He could see the bright lights and hear the countless horns. The voices inside his head are getting louder as if yelling in his ears. But above all of them, their running footsteps and the laughter of the stranger holding his hand overpower them the most.

**_"Run, kill, you're gonna die, you're so fucking dead, focus, open your eyes, don't look back, you'll die, you'll die."_ **

Just in time when Chanyeol completely opens his eyes, he's greeted by a massive vehicle coming towards his way. His heart almost skips a beat.

"Oh shit."

"Chanyeol!"

He couldn't feel his steps as his arm is forcefully pulled away from danger. Chanyeol almost thought it was the end of him.

_"Fucking idiots!"_

The driver angrily snarled at them as he drove away. His hands are shaking but the person beside him is laughing so hard that he's almost losing his breath. Chanyeol looks around them and sees that they've reached the other side of the highway. They're sweating like hell. But then, he also ends up laughing hard with the person responsible for this. They were almost tearing up.

After recovering and failed attempts to collect themselves, they walk inside the subdivision to his house. All the nervousness he should be feeling is surprisingly gone. He couldn't take the stupid smile off of his face but he didn't want to make it so obvious, so he pursed his lips. When his wristwatch beeps again for possibly the worst missed curfew ever, they run faster to his house.

"Here...it is." Chanyeol says between his labored breaths, watching the man look at his house when he should already be rushing inside. "Thanks again."

He finally looks at him.

"Tell you what...do you want to get some inspiration for your artworks? I know the perfect place." he flashes that smile again and Chanyeol couldn't answer properly. He wants it. Whatever it is, he wants it.

"S-Sure." Chanyeol is certain he looks stupid right now, "I mean...do I go with you? Or..."

"You go to that university down town, right?" Chanyeol nods, "Figures. I'll be there on Wednesday."

Chanyeol nods again, earning him a smile from the other. He puts his hands in his pockets as he steps back, eyes still on him. Chanyeol couldn't even move now.

"Night." he casually waves before walking away, "I'll see you then, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol watches him, as if his tongue is tied. And when he remembers the most important thing, he's already far away. Chanyeol contemplates but finds himself running after him.

"W-Wait!" he slows down as he reaches him, panting. "Your name..."

He turns to face him with his brows raised.

"Hmm?"

Chanyeol sheepishly grins.

"I didn't get your name."

He grins back in satisfaction, as if waiting for it to be asked for a while now.

"Baekhyun." he says while looking at Chanyeol, "Byun Baekhyun."

Right then, it was engraved in Chanyeol's head. Not as a name, but more like a mantra.

 

* * *

 

 

"What time did you get home last night?"

Chanyeol slowly munches his food. He remains looking directly on his plate, avoiding the scrutinizing look from his mother as he shrugs nonchalantly.

"Past seven, I think." he lies, "I missed the train. I got home and I saw you passed out." he said between his bites. He felt his mother's lingering stare on him before she decided to let it go. Chanyeol almost sighed. It was a rare luck. The moment he got home last night, preparing for the wrath he'll face, he found his mother on the carpeted floor. Instead of panicking, he even felt thankful. She usually passes out whenever she takes too much dosage of her medicines, and last night was a lucky night.

It was fortunate. Because if she finds out her son arrived four hours later than the time he told her, she'll definitely lose it.

Let's just say it was a day full of luck for Chanyeol.

Chanyeol couldn't tell why, but he barely slept within those nights before the day he’s looking forward to. Not that it was different from the previous sleepless nights when he worried for his life, this time it's different. And when Wednesday morning came, he was half-running from his room down to the door, his sling bag over his shoulder.

"Mom." he calls and his mother only looks at him warily, "I'll be home a little late tonight, w-we'll work on a project."

Chanyeol wants to avoid her suspicious gaze but he knows it'll be even more obvious.

"Until?"

"Nine..." Chanyeol blinks, "Or nine t-thirty at least."

Her lips slightly twitched, her gaze becomes colder that her son almost shivered.

"No."

Chanyeol gulps. He wants to defy. _God knows how much he wants to._ But like before, he nods.

He can never defy her. It's the first and foremost rule in his life.

And when he went outside to start walking to the train station, the image of the stranger flashed in his mind. His eyes start getting warm. He realized that the freedom he felt that night was nothing but short-lived. Maybe this is just his fate. To live like this.

  

  

   

"Hyung," Sehun taps his arm as they finish literature class, "Is everything fine?"

Chanyeol nods. Though the way his head droops down while he walks makes it even less convincing.

He thinks about him.  _Baekhyun._ And now that he thought about it, he never really gave him the exact details where to meet. Chanyeol figured out that he must've went earlier, and eventually got tired of waiting. There was a pang in his chest when he tried to accept it.  _I can't go with him anyway._

"You're going home?" Jongdae timidly smiles at him, "We'll just give you the handouts. I know you can't work with us tonight."

"Sorry Dae..." 

"No worries, Yeol." he said, "You know we prefer you to stay in your house than go with us."

Chanyeol slowly nods with a smile on his face. Jongdae immediately shakes his head, almost panicking.

"No...I-I didn't mean it that way. It's just that it'll be safer―"

"I understand." he cuts him off while nodding. Jongdae opens his mouth to continue but he starts walking away, "I'll go ahead."

He hears his friends calling him but he puts his headphones to avoid it. He listens to imaginary music until they reach the signal and stop. Chanyeol harshly takes it off when he knew they can't see him anymore.

As he got out of the university, his face is unreadable. All he wants is to go home and pour all his frustrations to the empty canvas in his room and―

Chanyeol stops. His eyes find a familiar pair, from a face with a smile of mischief plastered on it. His pace becomes slower as his jaw drops. Then he blinks for a few times, trying to collect himself and continue walking towards the other. He noticed how other people watch the man with the same expression as him.

But Baekhyun, he doesn't care. He gloriously stands there, lazily leaning on his equally glorious vintage car with a stick of cigarette in between his fingers. Chanyeol had to look down because of the other's gaze on him. He only looks again when he's a meter away, where Baekhyun took a last puff before throwing it on the road. He exhales as he sands up straight to smile at Chanyeol.

"Bad day?"

Chanyeol doesn't answer. He's still shocked. His gaze travels from the car back to his owner. He then shakes his head.

"Have...uh, how long have you been waiting?"

Baekhyun shrugs.

"More than an hour, I guess?" he grins when he sees Chanyeol's embarrassed expression, "But it's fine. I enjoy looking at your schoolmates' faces anyway."

Chanyeol gulps when he points at his car.

"I-Is that...yours?" he blinks in awe, "Is that a vintage Thunderbird?"

Baekhyun purses his lips to prevent his smile, he glances behind his car before looking back at the college boy.

"Mm-hmm."

Chanyeol couldn't even hide it anymore. His eyes are glued to the car as if it came straight from the 60's. He doesn't even know what's more beautiful.

"You ready?" he snaps out of his thoughts when Baekhyun spoke, "We're off to somewhere tonight, aren't we?"

His expression changes when he comes to reality. Baekhyun notices this so he raises a brow.

"I can't..." Chanyeol says, almost a whisper. "I should be home on time."

Baekhyun's face softens, and Chanyeol couldn't avoid looking at him. Despite being embarrassed. Despite being ashamed.

"Is that so..."

He gulps. He's so embarrassed for himself. Baekhyun went all the way here just to hear him decline. Chanyeol has this unknown feeling of consciousness when it comes to the newly met man. It was as if his opinion matters so much to him and now, just thinking about Baekhyun's possible thoughts about him drives him mad.

**_“Spineless pussy._ ** _”_

He mentally cusses himself. Here they go again.

"I'm so―I'm sorry..." Chanyeol mumbles and Baekhyun looks at him in a way he doesn't understand.

"It's okay." he even felt worse when Baekhyun agrees without question. This is how hopeless he is, "I'll just drive you home, is it fine?"

Chanyeol timidly nods, the excitement about riding the sleek car is nowhere in him now. "Sure..."

He doesn't wait for a signal to walk to the other side of the car because he just wants this to be over. He wants sulk in his own room, maybe reevaluate his choices. When he got in the shotgun seat, he notices how Baekhyun remained standing in the same position before getting in his car to follow.

They drive in silence. Chanyeol is clutching his hands together because of uneasiness. For the first time, he wishes for the ride to be longer. He doesn't want to go home. He never did.

Baekhyun is glancing at him every now and then, as if assuring him. But Chanyeol couldn't get his eyes off the road. Something about Baekhyun makes him want to stop holding back, so he avoids looking at him.

He takes a deep breath.

He might do something he's forbidden to.

**_"He thinks you're a coward."_ **

**_"Coward, spineless, sissy."_ **

**_"You're funny."_ **

**_"Funny, Chanyeol."_ **

**_"You're funny."_ **

"Hey."

"Yeah?" Chanyeol flinches. He turns to Baekhyun, who's still driving but is now looking at him with concern.

"You're so fidgety." Baekhyun points out, glancing down his hands and feet. "You're not having an attack, are you?"

"No..." Chanyeol answers, partly embarrassed.  _Goddamn, these voices._ "I-I'm just..."

He was cut off midway when a warm hand covers his trembling ones. Baekhyun must've done this to make him feel better but  _fuck,_ Chanyeol swore he felt his palpitations got worse.

He gulps, looking down at his hands that are covered by another.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Chanyeol." he smiles, hand gripping Chanyeol's hands tighter. "It's totally fine. We can go some other time."

Chanyeol really wishes he'll stop that.

Thinking he'll help while he flashes that smile and holds his hands like that... It's not really helping. At all.

And besides, he doubts if there will be another time.

"I r-really... really need to obey my Mom. I'm sorry, Baekhyun..." he mumbles. The name slips out of his mouth more gently than the others and he doesn't notice how the man's lips curved into a smile.

Chanyeol exhales when Baekhyun's hand left him and went back to the steering wheel. He held his breath for quite a long time.

"It's fine. Just tell me when you're allowed."

"She never allows me..."

Baekhyun doesn't look surprised. Though his expression is unreadable, still looking straight ahead.

"Why?" he is taken aback when the other asks after the silence, "I mean, why would she do that? You're not a prisoner."

 _Well...maybe I am._ Chanyeol wants to answer but chooses not to dwell on it. No one would ever understand and it's ridiculous to even consider opening up to someone he barely knows.

**_"You're ridiculous."_ **

"Sorry." Baekhyun says when Chanyeol doesn't answer, "I shouldn't have judged her like that." he smiles but Chanyeol can tell he's really confused with his situation.

"No, I'm sorry." Chanyeol says again and Baekhyun only smiles. He blinks a few times before looking out the window again.

And he felt it. This is it. This might be it. He'll lose another friend. Just when he thought he'll finally feel normal again, the chance is being taken away from him.

**_"Stop listening to her for God's sake."_ **

**_"He thinks you're pathetic."_ **

**_"Jump out of the car, friendless loser."_ **

**_"Pathetic, Chanyeol. You'll be alone forever."_ **

"A-Are we..." he wants to slap himself for stuttering again. Baekhyun looks at him, brows slightly creased in confusion when he's suddenly hesitant to continue. Chanyeol gathers his courage to ask directly, "Are we still friends?"

Chanyeol doesn't care anymore. He wants to be friends with him. To be like him, even. That night was one of the rarest moments, if not the only moment, he felt that he was free. He felt that nothing held him back. This man somehow made him feel free from that suffocation he had always felt.

"Of course." Baekhyun smiles, "Of course, Chanyeol. We're still friends."

**_"He pities you."_ **

**_"He's lying. You'll never see him again."_ **

He never thought that the urge to prove the nonexistent voices in his head would be this strong.

_We're still friends._

Chanyeol shuts his eyes tight. Pursing his lips as he gulps, he opens them again.

"Drive back."

Baekhyun looks at him, eyes slightly widening. They're meters away from the other's village when his pace became slower.

"Huh?"

"Drive away. I'm not going home." Chanyeol stares at him, "I'm going with you."

"I..." Baekhyun's bewildered face breaks into a wide smile. He doesn't try arguing, "Okay, we'll go."

Chanyeol sits up straight, the consequences he's about to face start flashing in his head but the voices mocking him are long gone. They must be shocked.

"Promise, you won't regret any of it." Baekhyun assures him with a smile as they drive away from the quiet subdivision. Chanyeol looks back to the road with a hint of smile plastered on his face.

_I know. I won't._

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you sure this isn’t a dead end?” Chanyeol asks while looking behind him every given chance. They’re walking in a very narrow alley, both his sides are nothing but crimson red bricked walls. Baekhyun continues walking ahead of him, as if he really knows where to go.

“Baekhyun…”

“There it is!” he points the small wooden door at the end of the alley. It looks abandoned to Chanyeol but the tone of enthusiasm from the other made him think that it won’t hurt looking.

Once they reach the door, Baekhyun stops and faces him with a smile. Chanyeol raises his brows, confused about what to do next.

“Okay…?”

“Look.” Baekhyun points a small wooden signage above Chanyeol’s head. The taller looks above him and reads the painted letters on the signage.

 _“Doomsday?”_ Chanyeol creases his brows after uttering the words. Baekhyun smilingly nods at him.

“This is where people go when they’re marked to die the next day.” he explains, “Cool, right?” he grins as if it’s a lovely story.

“Huh?” _Why would you go to a bar before you Fatum?_ “Why do―”

“Later! Let’s go in first. We wouldn’t want some outsider catching us going in.” he wasn’t able to finish his question when his new friend pulls him inside.

Chanyeol is greeted by another set of dark alleys. Only this time, it’s a lot more confusing because there’s no light and the floor is descending as if it’s really an underground pub. Chanyeol wishes they could’ve made stairs instead. A musty smell made him wince a little. It’s like a smell of old parchments mixed with rum. Chanyeol could hear the faint sound from the end of their destination but unlike what he expected to be loud beats of party music, he could hear the strong strumming of a guitar and cheerful shouts from people.

Baekhyun pushes the wooden door making the sound louder to Chanyeol’s ears. Baekhyun pulls him inside and Chanyeol immediately roams his gaze around, drowned in so much awe.

“Hey Sparrow!” Baekhyun’s grasp on his hand loosens when he waves to call the attention of the old man across the room. Chanyeol pulls his hand away to turn around, staring at every corner of the room with his mouth still agape. Baekhyun notices this and smiles to himself, then he turns back to call the old man.

He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t think this still exists. It was as if the vintage pubs he saw in movies and read from books came to life. He never expected to see such place in this country nor this time. Yes, he had seen replicas of vintage pubs before but they always looked modern already. And now it’s effortlessly like the 18th century and Chanyeol is blown away.

He watches a few old men around the room playing guitars and timpani. There are so many people on the dance floor, both men and women dancing to what Chanyeol thinks, resemble that third class dance from the movie he saw before. They were jumping along the beats with a rhythmic tapping of their feet.

“Are we in London?” Chanyeol asks, almost a gasp when he felt Baekhyun’s presence beside him. “Or Ireland?”

“Nah. Just very unlikely to see places like this here but we’re still in the same country.” Baekhyun gives him a cheeky grin. Chanyeol looks around once again, still unable to get over it.

“It can’t be that old right?” Chanyeol gently shakes his head, “I mean like _old_ old? Everything here’s a replica, right? Because I should’ve heard of this before…”

“It’s _old_ old, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun raises a brow, “Probably older than Picasso, Van Gogh or whoever it is you consider old. Just look at that harpsichord or baroque viola beside you. Everything here’s pretty much where they were since the day we were born.” he chuckled.

Chanyeol looks around before settling his eyes on him.

“It’s been here since forever and it’s still the best place to spend the last night of your life.” Baekhyun flashes that smile while looking around and Chanyeol had to stare at it.

“How do they make sure nothing comes out to anyone about this place?”

“Hmm, they don’t.” Baekhyun shrugs, “A lot of people know about this place. But as I said, they often spend their last night prior to their Fatum here. So yes, some people have told others about this, some of them…” he tries hard to hide the gulp he did, “don’t…you know, don’t really make it the next day to even tell a word to anyone.”

Chanyeol doesn’t answer this, instead he goes back to watching the people, observing them.

They are wearing the usual clothes that do not match the place’s old ambiance. Some of them are sweaty from the lively dancing on the dance floor. But the laughter and cheery shouting do not escape Chanyeol’s attention. From where he is, he can tell how they’re enjoying the party in the old little pub.

He’s mind is full of ideas. Images. Right then, he knows that when he gets home, he’ll be able to start something productive in his room.

“Two drinks for ‘ya cool guy!” a man shouts among the noisy crowd. Baekhyun pulls Chanyeol’s wrist and walks to the man who has two beer glasses in both his hands. Chanyeol can’t help staring at the man, who only grins at him when he noticed. He has a black patch on his left eye, the same color as the kerchief wrapped around his head. He looks at Chanyeol with his eyes knowing. He had to look down at both the drinks that were very inviting, especially with that thick layer of foam on top.

“Am I seeing a miracle here?” he grins, glancing at Chanyeol before turning to Baekhyun. “The falcon’s finally back and he’s got company with him.”

“This is Chanyeol.” Baekhyun casually says, though his lips are pursed. The man subtly grins at him again but the other fails to even notice, “And Chanyeol, you can call him Sparrow. He’s the one in charge here with his wife.” he points at the chubby lady dancing across the room.

“Sparrow?” Chanyeol couldn’t help smiling in amusement because of the nickname, “As in the pirate from―”

His words turn into a silent gasp when the man lifts the patch from his eye to show his completely lost left eye. He chuckles when he sees how Chanyeol’s mouth parted in shock.

“Those pirates are fake, this one is the real one as you can see.” Baekhyun grins, “I’m kidding. He isn’t a pirate. That’ll be too much wonders here if ever.” Chanyeol purses his lips before nodding.

“Hello, Sir.” Chanyeol tries to offer his hand but instead felt startled when the man hits his palm and pulls him into a half hug. Baekhyun chuckles at his reaction.

“What a fine young man.” he clicks his tongue while shaking his head, “I’m impressed. You don’t get to see falcon bringing a date here since he―”

“Ugh, shut it!” Baekhyun immediately cuts him off and the man lets out an airy laugh, “You’re embarrassing me…”

Chanyeol only smiles sheepishly.

“You must have caught his interest. That’s a very hard thing to do, people here can attest to that…” he still continues, narrowing his eyes as if examining the college boy. “Hmm, be careful with this one. You’re the only one he br―”

“Oh God, seriously? Now I can’t simply be friends with someone?” Baekhyun rolls his eyes but the man shakes his head to continue. Chanyeol laughs lightly though he remains listening. A high-pitched voice of a woman starts calling the old man from the kitchen inside.

“You see…this guy here he’s― _oh for fuck’s sake, Mina, I’m talking to someone! Get your lazy son do that!”_ he shouts back before turning back to the both of them, “Sorry about that. Anyway wait, where was I?”

“Stop it, you’re traumatizing Chanyeol.” Baekhyun says jokingly, “I told you, we’re just friends. You always like to assume things, old man.”

“Hmm. Okay, I’ll buy that shit for now.” the man grins at both of them, “I’ll pretend I haven’t heard the same alibi from you before.”

Baekhyun shakes his head while chuckling.

“Mina’s calling you! Go away!” he shoos the man with a trace of sly smile on his lips, “I didn’t come here for you to spoil all my plans damn…” he hears Baekhyun mumbling.

Chanyeol flushes.

When Sparrow left, the both of them are stuck in an awkward silence. Thankfully, the crowd on the dance floor became wilder because of the increasing number of people. Chanyeol figures out that it might be because it’s the time of the night.

“Chanyeol…” he turns to Baekhyun beside him and sees him staring, “I’m not trying to ruin the moment or anything but are you sure you’ll be fine once you go home? Your mom…”

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol smiles timidly, “I’ll be fine. I chose this so I’ll face it.”

It only seems to make Baekhyun guiltier, “Are you sure? I mean…I can try talking to your Mom and―”

“No.” Chanyeol cuts him off, avoiding his gaze to look back at the people dancing, “It’ll only make it worse if I don’t face her myself. I’ll deal with her.” he gulps, heart thumping fast against his chest just with the thought of his mother. But Chanyeol asks himself, until when is he going to be like this? Until when will he let himself live in this hell hole?

It has to stop, eventually.

“I’m just tired of feeling like a prisoner. It’s exhausting.” Chanyeol mumbles in a low voice. Baekhyun watches his face, how he gulps right after he said it as if he’s been garnering the courage to say such words.

He only realizes he’s been staring too long when Chanyeol faces him, catching his eyes. He instantly looks back to the dancing crowd as if nothing happened. Chanyeol tries to suppress a grin.

“Don’t be so worried about me.” Baekhyun wants to combust when he hears a trace of playfulness in the other’s voice. He manages to narrow his eyes before chuckling.

“I’m not.” he snorts and he cannot believe he actually hears Chanyeol laughing beside him because of that. _Just…_

“Well you should be.” Chanyeol raises his brows as he leans on the counter, “After all, you promised there’ll be no regrets if I come here.”

Baekhyun never thought he’ll actually get a glimpse of Chanyeol’s cocky side. He never even imagined the other has it. It’s alarming and he suddenly wishes that he'll be back to his shy and reserved self. Baekhyun might not be able to handle if this continues, judging from how it affects him already.

He clears his throat.

“That, you mentioned…” he starts off, “the main reason why I brought you here is because of that.” he grins.

“Because of what?”

Baekhyun lets Chanyeol watch him drink a few gulps from his beer as if getting even. He slams his beer glass on the wooden counter before facing the taller.

“I’m going to show you the treasure of this club.” he answers that made Chanyeol crease his brows, “And why you should consider yourself lucky that you’re born without that goddamn mark.”

“Alright.” Chanyeol nods, admitting to himself that he’ll only use this as a chance to watch Baekhyun talk without being creepy, “Enchant me.”

 _“Madame!”_ Baekhyun calls someone among the crowd. He did big waves to the old lady who’s wearing a violet coat, violet bag and _violet everything_ , who also waves back at him.

Chanyeol only looks at him, waiting. He thought Baekhyun is completely distracted by the person so he takes no interest.

“See that woman?” he asks Chanyeol with a ghost of smile still on his face, “That’s Madame Violet. And you can obviously tell why.” he raised a brow.

Chanyeol subtly looks back at the woman sitting alone in the corner while watching the dancing people.

“What do you notice about her?”

He wasn't distracted from looking at the woman when Baekhyun asks him again. He honestly couldn't notice anything aside from her weird getup.

“Uh, she looks like a human eggplant?”

Baekhyun bursts into laughter. He holds onto the cup of his beer while slapping the wooden counter beside him.

Chanyeol raises his brows while flashing him a cocky smile, “What?”

“Ass.” Baekhyun snaps as soon as he recovers. He sighs before asking again, “No, really…do you notice something more from her?”

Looking back at the woman sitting away from them, Chanyeol observes her carefully. She’s still doing the same, watching and smiling at people greeting her from the dance floor. She timidly smiles and shakes her head every time someone asks her to dance with them, clutching the cloth in her hand tighter.

“Is that a handkerchief in her hand?”

He turns to Baekhyun, who’s now looking at the woman as well. But his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“More than twenty years ago, on this very same day, Hugo asked her to dance with him.”

“Hugo?”

Baekhyun turns to him, as if he remembers so many things, “Yeah, he was one of the pub’s frequent customers. Everyone knew him, because he was always here every week.”

Chanyeol can notice how he addresses the man as if he lives in the past.

“Madame Violet came here that night, quiet, glared at everyone who tried to talk to her. Sparrow told me that she was exactly the definition of a snotty rich city girl who got fed up with her wealthy and boring life.” he chuckles in between, “They didn’t even know why she kept coming back for a few more days, just to scowl at the people around her. Sparrow said his father was close to kicking her out of here but you know what Hugo said?” he raises a brow at Chanyeol before clearing his throat, _“Okay, but can I just try to talk to her for a while? If she slaps me or spits on my face, you can kick her out.”_

“And you know what happened next?”

Chanyeol creased his brows, “She danced with him?”

Baekhyun lightly laughs at this, “She slapped him.”

_She got kicked out then._

“But before they could even walk closer and do what they should, Hugo motioned them to stop. He flashes his cocky grin at her then said, _will you dance with me now that I let you slap me?”_

Chanyeol chuckles after hearing this, he almost rolled his eyes, “So she only played hard to get?”

“Well she agreed to dance with him afterwards.”

“That was messy…” he wheezes.

The older man beside him looks at him with so much amusement, “Yeah, it just proved that not all good things start nicely.” the smile he had a while ago came back, then he pauses, “They had a very beautiful relationship ever since then and for so many years. I know this because everyone who witnessed that told me the same thing.” he pursed his lips, “It’s just sad that there’s only few of them now.”

Chanyeol tries to look at her again, trying to visualize the story in his mind. Coincidentally, she turns to him and meets his gaze, he immediately looks away.

“You know that kind of relationship everyone wishes to have? The kind of love that inspires so many people around them? That was what they had. And like any kind of love, shit happens too.” she’s still clutching the hankie from where they both can see, “A rich girl was bound to marry a rich man. And when things were bound to break them apart, she left him a promise, he left her a handkerchief.”

Chanyeol stares at him in awe.

“And you think it’s all in the movies?” Baekhyun coys at him, “Unfortunately, it took her almost six years to come back here. For him.” he gulps, “But…”

“But?”

He looks at Chanyeol’s anticipating face, he sighs deeply.

“But he wasn’t here anymore.” he shakes his head, “One day…he just didn’t come back.”

“What happened?” he asks even though he has an idea why.

“No one knows.” Baekhyun shrugs, “Some people said that he died, but nobody has a concrete fact about when or how. He was always waiting for her to come back, but when she did, he was long gone. Since then, she has always been here on the day they met, waiting with the only thing he left for her. Eventually, this has become something for her to look forward on her Fatum instead of death.”

Chanyeol was speechless after that, he couldn’t imagine how some people are capable of waiting for the people they love for that long.

Without certainty that they would come back.

“Hey lovebirds! Your second round is here!” Sparrow grins at them from the distance. Chanyeol flushes at the name, but Baekhyun only chuckles beside him.

“Can you get that, Yeol?” the nickname isn’t helping either.

He nods before walking towards the counter where Sparrow is waiting for him together with their second glasses of beer. The cocky grin is still on his face.

“Keeping up with the falcon?”

Chanyeol only flashes a timid smile.

“I don’t…really understand.” he says, “Why falcon?”

He seems so amused with Chanyeol’s confusion.

“That’s because he doesn’t stay in a single place long enough.”

He finds it hard comprehending this, “Sorry…I don’t―”

Sparrow is about to open his mouth again but his wife yells for his name from the back kitchen. He motions Chanyeol with his palm before running back inside, unable to explain further.

 Chanyeol goes back to where Baekhyun is standing, watching him as he walks closer. He needed to look at the beers instead.

“You just talked to our second protagonist.” Baekhyun says with humor.

“Sparrow?” he seems to be even more interested on this one. It’s ironic how Sparrow was just about to spill something about Baekhyun and now the latter is doing exactly the same.

“Yep.” he grins, “he got shot by a gun, on his eye. Figures the pirate patch you’re so amused with.”

WTF? “Who shot him?” he asks.

“Those criminals lurking around, the ones who almost got you a week ago.” he takes a sip from the new glass, “But he survived, obviously.”

“Sparrow is the baddest bitch in town.” his sly smile grows wider, “Death is literally running after him, Chanyeol. Every damn year. I’ve come to think that he was fated to die long time ago but just managed to get away with it every time. That man is getting on death’s nerves, I swear.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” he raises a brow, “He drowned, got his leg burnt, hit by car, you name it.”

Chanyeol is busy observing Sparrow when Baekhyun looks at him.

“It’s not all the time you see a person that fearless, you know?” he smiles, “He only cares about living. Dying isn’t something he has in his mind.”

He looks around the small pub as he takes a deep breath. The dancing crowd becomes a lot louder. More people have joined now and it’s amusing to watch people who barely know each other have the time of their lives.

“You see, there are more people with interesting stories in this pub. Maybe that’s why this has grown to be my favorite.” he smiles, “That girl for example.” he subtly points the woman dancing on the dance floor, a huge smile on her face.

“Rumors say she’s an assassin.” he whispers to Chanyeol, “People who want to kill someone or themselves pay her big.” he adds, “If it’s true, then she as well, is going against fate itself. They say that it’s the reason she earns money. Funny thing is, she donates it all to this pub and other charities.”

Chanyeol wheezes, “For real?”

“Surprise. Robinhood is a woman.” the smaller grins, “It’s still a nasty job though, if ever it’s true.”

“She doesn’t look bad to me.” Chanyeol purses his lips before continuing, “Anyone else?”

“Hmm…” he looks around but a man walks in front of them with a smug smile on his face.

“Why is Byun Baekhyun not dancing?” he taunts and doesn’t even spare Chanyeol a look when he runs back to the dance floor while howling. Baekhyun shakes his head because of this.

“Who’s that?”

“Heechul.”

Chanyeol looks back at the man who’s still funnily dancing with a bunch of customers. His hair is long and curly and he looks so high.

“He looks like he’s friends with everyone.” Chanyeol points out that made Baekhyun wheeze beside him.

“It’s because he is.” he chuckles, “That dumbass is here every day. I think half of the liquor supplies goes to him.”

“When is his mark?”

Baekhyun chuckles, still amused by the topic, “He doesn’t let anyone know. He always say that like Sparrow, death is his bitch and he can run away from it. God how high is he?” he laughs, “What’s hilarious is that everyone knows when his Fatum is.”

“I thought he doesn’t let anyone know?” Chanyeol asks in confusion. Baekhyun chuckles even more.

“He’s literally here every night of the year, except for a single night.” he says, “It’s not hard to figure out when he uses bullshit alibis on the same day every year. I swear to God, he’s nuts.”

“Where does he go on those nights?”

“Hiding, obviously.” he realizes they finished another round of beer when Baekhyun drops the empty glass on the counter, “But kidding aside though, I understand him. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s normal to be scared on the day of your supposed death. These people prove it, in different ways. Fearing death is normal.”

Chanyeol can only nod as a response. He doesn’t know how to respond to that.

“But that’s it. You don’t let it stop you from living a full life, doing whatever the hell you want, whoever you want to be with.” Baekhyun says, “Life throws you an ultimatum. It means it’s giving you a day to be cautious, and three-hundred sixty-four days more to have fun.” his lips curved, “Because what difference does it make? We’re all gonna die. One day of fear is enough, you don’t let a goddamn mark stop your life.”

He remains silent for a while before he manages to answer.

“Yeah…” he timidly smiles, “I hope it works like that for everyone but it really doesn’t.”

Baekhyun faces him, “Yes, because you’re unmarked. And it’s even a lot better. Because you have nothing to fear.”

Chanyeol stares at him.

“Life didn’t give you that for a reason, Park. And among all of them, you’re lucky. I’m lucky. Because we’re not given something to think about as we live our lives.” he then leans on the counter behind, eyes still on Chanyeol. “It’s all up to you if it’s a curse or a gift. But I’m telling you, life’s so much easier when you see it as the latter.”

His gaze stays on the same orbs for a while, unaware of the few people running towards them to pull Baekhyun.

“What the―”

“You really think we’re just gonna let you stand there tonight?!” it’s Heechul, accompanied by other people who were dancing on the dance floor. “Everybody! Are we gonna let the dancing falcon escape tonight?!”

“Fuck you, Heechul.”

“Oops, wrong password.” he mocks a sad face before completely pulling him to the center of the pub, hooting and coos of people become louder. Chanyeol watches him getting dragged, laughing from where he is, despite Baekhyun’s struggle.

The music becomes even livelier. Pairs cling onto each other while dancing through the beat. The third-class dance. Chanyeol claps along with the others watching while Baekhyun is dancing with Sparrow’s wife who has been leading the dance from the moment they arrived here. He can see how Baekhyun’s eyes turn into crescents while he jumps around in circles, laughing about whatever the woman is telling him. Unconsciously, Chanyeol finds himself smiling just from the sight.

Baekhyun’s eyes roam around the room, he waits for the smaller to spot him from the crowd. And Chanyeol can’t deny how his heart almost skips a beat when he finds his eyes.

“Chanyeol!”

He immediately shakes his head when Baekhyun motions his hand to him, pausing for a while in the middle of the dancing crowd. He rolls his eyes when Chanyeol continues to resist. The younger automatically steps back when Baekhyun walks to where he is.

“N-No…I don’t―”

“Come on, Chanyeol! It’s easy!” he doesn’t take no for an answer when he forcefully pulls Chanyeol towards the center, earning a cheer from the crowd around because of the new face. Chanyeol looks around awkwardly but Baekhyun touches his chin to make him look.

“Hold onto me,” he makes their arms cling onto each other, “then just jump through the beat!” he jumps along Baekhyun’s body, almost bumping against the other dancing pairs, “Another arm!”

He was awkward at first but eventually, he learns to follow the rhythm. They are continuously dancing around and Baekhyun’s smile grows wider, “You’re doing so good now!” he laughs, “hold my waist!”

“Huh?!” Chanyeol asks when cheers and music drown his voice.

“My waist! Hold it!” he makes Chanyeol wrap his arm around his waist before he holds his hand with his own, “Closer, Chanyeol. Closer.” he immediately tightens his arm to pull him closer to his body. Baekhyun’s eyes are smiling when he looks at him, “Now!”

Like the other pairs, they dance again, now face to face. Baekhyun fits perfectly in his arm, face bumping slightly on his chest whenever they jump in a wrong direction. They always break into laughter whenever they bump on other people or step on each other’s feet. Nonetheless, Chanyeol has never laughed like this all his life.

“This is tiring!” Chanyeol shouts at him in the middle of the dance, though he doesn’t even stop.

“But fun, right?” Baekhyun beams at him, swerving both their bodies to the center of the crowd where they can barely hear each other. “Swing me around!”

And he did. When Baekhyun bumps onto his chest, he hears another of his hearty laugh. In which he responds with his own.

“Fun.” Chanyeol answers, “So fun…” he repeats before Baekhyun intentionally swings himself around again and bumps into him for another time. He doesn’t even know if he heard but that moment, nothing seemed to matter for Chanyeol anymore. He was drowned into the music, the continuous jumping and tapping of his feet, and the smiling face of the person in his arms, dancing and making fun of him.

He has never been this happy in a while. Or rather, for so long.

* * *

“So when are we gonna go back?” Baekhyun asks with a sly smile plastered on his face, he leans on the front door of his car as he watches Chanyeol hop out of the car.

“Hmm…let's see…” he grins, faking curiosity. “Maybe as soon as I can escape again? You up for that?”

Baekhyun clicks his tongue.

“You're becoming a rebellious child huh.” he raises a brow, “I like that.”

Chanyeol only chuckles. He starts walking to the long overpass towards their village. Baekhyun’s smile slowly fades off while he watches Chanyeol walking away.

“Hey, Chanyeol.”

The other guy faces him in an instant, brows raised.

“Are you… sure you don’t want me to walk with you to your house?”

Chanyeol’s eyes almost lit up with the offer, but he suddenly remembers why he declined when the other has been insisting even on their way here. He’ll deal with this alone, whatever may happen. _It wouldn’t be that bad, right?_

“I’ll be fine.” he says again, flashing a reassuring smile. “Thanks…again.”

Baekhyun slowly nods his head, it was as if the formalities went back to them. “Okay. Good night.”

Chanyeol hears the engine of the Thunderbird as he continues to walk away, his heart is heavy. He doesn’t look back and when the sound of the engine fades away. He is certain that Baekhyun already left.

All the possible consequences of his actions only start coming to his senses when he gets a sight of his house. The lights from the inside are dimmed. And it may be bad, but Chanyeol actually wishes his mother got knocked out from her pills again so that she’s asleep once he arrives.

He bites his lip, trying the best he can to keep his breathing and steps as silent as possible. He sneaks in to the hallway to make sure his mother isn’t there, and she isn’t. Chanyeol sighs in relief. He’s almost sure she’s already asleep in the living room but when he is about to walk upstairs, he catches a glimpse of the living room as well.

Empty.

This time, he doesn’t bother making his steps unknown when he walks back to the living room to check every corner. There is no trace of his mother. Not even on the couch where she usually sleeps on.

“Mom?” Chanyeol gently calls. His heart is beating unusually fast. It was as if all his fears are coming to him all at once. When he heard a loud crash upstairs, he ran up as fast as he could.

He is sweating too much even from the few steps of the stairs. His hands are trembling when he pushes the door open with all his might.

“MOM!” he shouts and runs to where she is, he tries holding her arms back but she pushes him to the floor. “MOM, STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“THIS! THIS IS THE MAIN REASON WHY YOU’RE LEARNING TO GO AGAINST ME, CHANYEOL.” she shouts hysterically while continuing to break all the brushes and the stands with her axe. “THESE DEMONS ARE TELLING YOU TO BREAK MY RULES!”

“Mom, stop!” Chanyeol tries to stop her again but she’s determined to destroy everything she sees that no one can stop her, “Mom, what the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“RULES ARE RULES, CHANYEOL! WHAT ARE THE THINGS THEY’VE BEEN TELLING YOU?” Chanyeol couldn’t recognize his mother. Her eyes were bloodshot and her gaze was uneasy, “I TOLD YOU TO NEVER DISOBEY ME YOU UNGRATEFUL CHILD!”

Chanyeol grasps his hair in frustration, tears forming on the corner of his eyes as he looks at his works, the things that matter to him the most, scattered and broken on the floor.

He looks at her, gaze flaming in rage.

“NO ONE’S TELLING ME ANYTHING!” he wasn’t able to control himself from shouting, “MOM YOU’VE COMPLETELY LOST YOUR MIND!”

She becomes even angrier. Chanyeol’s gaze falls on the canvas he’s currently working with which he hid behind the closet. Her mother turns around and spots this. His heart almost stops when she starts walking towards it.

“M-Mom, no…” he runs to her, tripping by the broken things on the floor but he managed to embrace her leg as he pleads. “Mom, s-stop please…Not that one…”

“GET OFF!” she yells, mercilessly trying to kick her son away. “ARE THEY TELLING YOU TO KILL ME AS WELL?! LIKE WHAT YOU DID TO YOORA?”

“I didn’t kill Yoora…Mom, p-please…” Chanyeol feels a warm liquid oozing from his nose when her knee hits him on the face. His arms loosen from his grip of her and Chanyeol had to retaliate with the last option he could think of. He quickly reaches out for the pepper spray on the side of his bed and sprays right on her face.

She loses her grip on the axe and it falls to the floor. She is screaming in pain even when Chanyeol was only able to affect her left side of the face. He quickly runs to where his remaining canvas is and grabs it together with his bag.

“I’ll kill myself, Chanyeol.” he hears her muttering on the floor, his hands are still on her face. “If you listen to them and run away from me then I’ll kill myself too! It’s all your fault! Like what you did to your sister!”

**_“Kill, kill, kill me. Run away. Run the fuck away!”_ **

**_“You did kill her. Did you? Did you?”_ **

**_“Like what you did to your sister. Like what you did to your sister.”_ **

He stops at his door because of that, hands trembling terribly. He clutches tightly on his canvas as he looks at her while shaking his head.

“I d-didn’t…” Chanyeol isn’t able to think straight. His instincts are telling him to run as fast as he could before she could even recover. But her words pierce him right in his chest. And he knows too well he’ll bring these words with him wherever he goes, “P-Please don’t say that, Mom…”

He looks directly to her eyes, face stained with sweat and blood. He gulps the lump in his throat.

“I didn’t kill her…you did.”

He runs out of the house, as fast as he could. He could hear her hysterically calling for his name.

But Chanyeol only ran. He runs as fast as he could, having no idea where to go. He lets his feet take him to wherever place they could reach. He begins feeling deaf again. And just as he thinks he finally escaped them, he is wrong.

**_“Run, Chanyeol. Run, Chanyeol.”_ **

**_“She will kill herself. Because of you.”_ **

**_“Like what you did to your sister. Like what you did to your sister.”_ **

Chanyeol falls to his knees, together with the canvas in his arms. He grits his teeth as he covers both his ears, trying his best to stop them as they come.

“S-Stop it…” he pants heavily.

**_“Like what you did to your sister. Like what you did to your sister.”_ **

He’s almost certain he’ll die right there. Right on that very spot. He doesn’t know what to do.

_"Just lay on your back."_

It was as if someone knew he needed to remember that voice.

Chanyeol lets himself lay on his back. His gaze meets the pitch black color of the sky. He closes his eyes, trying to breathe the air around him. He tries to remember more. He tries to find that voice among the others he despises.

**_“Like what you did to your sister. Like what you did to your―”_ **

_“Close your eyes.”_

He can only think of one.

_“You can also have a mantra. It works."_

“B-Baekhyun…” his lips started mumbling unconsciously, “Baekhyun, Baekhyun, Baekhyun…” he repeats under his breath. He repeats the same name a few more times, trying to ease his breathing, trying to calm himself.

Chanyeol stops for a while, his eyes remaining closed. His fingers are still trembling.

When he stops, he remembers everything again and it is still the worst. His tears start to stream down to the corners of his eyes.

“Chanyeol?”

His eyes shot open. He almost believed it was his mind playing tricks on him but when he sees the familiar face moving closer to him, he breaks down even more.

“What happened?!” Baekhyun kneels in front of him, worry etched on his face as he watches Chanyeol crying. “What happened, Chanyeol? Oh god…” he groans before pulling him into a tight embrace. Chanyeol isn’t able to answer, he couldn’t seem to find the courage to talk.

Baekhyun pulls away, his hands are on Chanyeol’s face. Their eyes meet.

“I-I’m afraid…” is the only thing Chanyeol is able to say.

Baekhyun hugs him again and Chanyeol closes his eyes, “Shh...it’s okay. I’m here.”

“I’m here now.” he repeats as Chanyeol looks up to him. He watches Baekhyun after he pulls away again and starts picking up Chanyeol’s things. Chanyeol’s system isn’t calming down yet, though the voices surprisingly have stopped.

“Come away with me for a while.” he says before offering his hand to help the taller stand. He doesn’t hesitate when he reaches out for it.

Chanyeol has nowhere to go. He doesn’t know what to do. One thing for sure is that he needs to get away from here. And there’s only one person he’ll trust to do it for him.

  

* * *

 

“I wasn’t really feeling good even when I was driving you home…” Baekhyun gently says while he drives. He looks at the boy beside him who’s currently spacing out, his gaze is directed outside the window. “I waited for a while even after you walked to your house. Right then I decided to follow you just to check but then I saw you on the overpass.”

The other still doesn’t answer. Baekhyun watches him with so much concern. He can see that Chanyeol’s still tensed. His grip on his clothed canvas didn’t loosen up even just for a bit. Whatever he went through a while ago must have affected him so much and Baekhyun… he’s worried about him.

He tries to touch the canvas in Chanyeol’s hands but the latter immediately flinches his hands away. His eyes meet Chanyeol’s and he sees the fear in them. Chanyeol blinks a few times before realizing what he did, but his grip remains tight and his eyes only went back to the window.

“I won’t force you to say something if you don’t want to.” Baekhyun says and he sees Chanyeol gulp because of this. “But please Chanyeol just…rest for a while. No one’s going to hurt you now, or take that away. Calm down and breathe…” he pauses before finishing, “I’m just…worried.”

Chanyeol remains unresponsive. He doesn’t hear Baekhyun say anything for the rest of the ride, although he feels him looking at him every now and then. Chanyeol doesn’t dare look back. He refuses to see the pity in his eyes like how other people look at him. He remains drowning in his sea of thoughts until he eventually feels his eyelids getting heavier.

 

   

 

The curtains of his eyes slowly open and the deep darkness of the sky meets his gaze. First thing he does is to look at his hands, where the canvas eventually fell from them. He doesn’t pick it up anymore. He looks outside with his adjusting sight and immediately figures out that it’s still night, or midnight at least. He turns to Baekhyun beside him who doesn’t look at him as if he could already read his mind.

“Where are we going?” Chanyeol innocently asks with his hoarse voice. Baekhyun turns to give him a small smile. He finally felt relieved that Chanyeol has recovered and is now casually talking to him.

“You’ll see.”

Chanyeol’s brows cross because of the vague answer. He watches Baekhyun coolly driving with a single hand while his other elbow leans on the car window to let his fingers trace his lips.

“How long have you been driving?” Chanyeol asks again, out of the blue. He’s worried that Baekhyun must be so exhausted right now for driving this far considering that they also had a long day before that.

“Hours, I think. But don’t worry, we’re almost there.”

Chanyeol doesn’t answer when Baekhyun fails to notice his concern. He goes back to watching the scenery outside the window and this time, he notices that they’re nowhere near the urban area anymore.

“Wait…” Chanyeol mumbles, “Are we still…”

“Mm-hmm,” Baekhyun hums in excitement, “here we are.”

Chanyeol is dumbfounded. He’s clueless about everything especially all the details of what Baekhyun is up to. He watches while Baekhyun maneuvers the car to the side of the road before stopping the engine. He meets Chanyeol’s questioning eyes as he unbuckles his seatbelt.

“Let’s go.”

“But w-where are we going?”

“Don’t worry, you’ll see it soon!” the man vaguely answers again, though Chanyeol wouldn’t deny that the beaming excitement from him hypes him up too. “Just leave your things here. It’s fine.”

“Do I really need to…” he is answered by a slammed car door. He can see Baekhyun already walking excitedly into the woods, all by himself.

“Come on! We need to be there before sunrise!”

 

  

 

“Are you sure…there are no wild animals here?” Chanyeol pauses between every deep breath. Thin sheet of sweat covers his skin and he’s already tired walking up a very rocky formation, “T-This is freaking me out.”

He looks behind him every now and then, fearing that something might just pull him to the darker parts of the woods. Although Baekhyun’s confidently fast walking actually assures him that there’s nothing to worry.

Baekhyun stops walking and Chanyeol stops behind him too. He watches him while looking around as if trying to remember something.

“Seriously―”

“There it is!”

Chanyeol tries to keep up with his pace as they run to the bushier part of the woods. He is almost certain that this is a completely bad idea when Baekhyun starts shoving the bushes and branches away. But before he can even say a word, he is greeted by a splashing sound of water.

“I found it!”

He fails to notice Baekhyun’s proud smile beside him because of the view in front of him. They’re currently on top of a rock cliff and opposite them is a waterfall leading to a much deeper and clearer water below them.

It was scarily breathtaking.

“Very cool, isn’t it?”

“Yeah…” Chanyeol gulps, “But aren’t there like…anacondas waiting to eat you down there?”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, “Chanyeol.”

“What? It looks like the kind of place.” he still couldn’t hide his astonishment from what he’s seeing, “It’s too good to be true.”

“Well yes it’s too good and it’s true as well!” he grins. Chanyeol looks at him in surprise when he starts taking off his coat.

“What are you doing?”

“Making myself comfortable.” Baekhyun answers while he puts his coat on the rocks as if a blanket. He takes off his shoes too and puts them on the side. Chanyeol watches him in disbelief as he sits on his coat.

“You’re serious?”

“Why?” Baekhyun raises a brow at him, “We didn’t walk this far just to leave in an instant. This is the perfect place to breathe and let all your worries out.”

Chanyeol chuckles while shaking his head. Nevertheless, he starts untying his shoes. Baekhyun only looks in front but a trace of smile is on his lips.

“Next time, I’m going to start worrying if you ask me to come with you again.” he sits an inch away from Baekhyun. They try to fit themselves on the coat underneath them.

“Why? Don’t you like it here?” Baekhyun looks at him.

“Hmm…” Chanyeol teasingly hums, “If a serial killer or a huge ass anaconda pops up behind us then maybe…” he clears his throat as he mumbles, “But nonetheless, I love it.”

“Good.” Baekhyun faces back in front, “Then I might ask you again and again.”

They are enveloped by silence, both appreciating the view of the falls and the sky turning into a dark shade of blue. He allows himself to think. Remember everything that happened. Right then, he is both surprised and grateful that he feels better now than the mess he was hours before.

What could’ve happened to him if Baekhyun hadn’t come?

“I’m sorry…”

Chanyeol keeps his gaze straight ahead as he says it. He can see from the corner of his eyes how Baekhyun’s head turns to look at him. He blinks a few times and forces a smile.

“You must’ve panicked. I-I told you…I’m weird.” he laughs but Baekhyun doesn’t. Chanyeol eventually stops pretending and looks down like what he usually does when he feels uneasy.

“I was so worried, Chanyeol.” he looks up to Baekhyun to see his serious face still looking at him. He gulps when something inside his chest starts hammering.

“I know we just met…and you probably don’t trust me enough―”

“I do!” Chanyeol snaps, cutting Baekhyun’s words off. “I t-trust you.”

It’s true.

“But I won’t force you to tell me anything if it will be difficult for you.” he feels his breath hitching when Baekhyun says it seriously. But it isn’t like when he’s having an attack, this one feels…foreign.

Chanyeol feels his eyes getting warm. But he clears his throat and gathers every bit of courage inside him.

“She’s sick.” he starts off. Baekhyun watches him, looking a bit taken aback that Chanyeol starts talking without hesitation. Nevertheless, he listens. “My m-mother…I mean. She’s a paranoid-schizophrenic.”

First sentence already seemed too much for him to take. But looking at Baekhyun beside him, listening intently, he continues.

“She had it even before we were born. Maybe why my asshole of a father left her. She had to take care of us by her own…and she couldn’t. She couldn’t do it. It was too much for her.”

“S-She…” Chanyeol had to pause when his voice breaks. He gulps and smiles a little to assure Baekhyun, “So she did everything wrong.”

He raises both his brows, blinking to keep his eyes dry when he had to remember everything about his sister.

“She locked me and my sister in our home every day. She didn’t let us explore…you know, play with the other kids, not even talk to them, or smile at them…shit like that. She kept saying that everyone around us are demons chasing after her even when she was young…that they come to take us.” he chuckles but there’s no humor in it, “Sometimes few of our nice neighbors would sneak toys and candies in our bedroom window for us. They would also tell us what’s really happening, that my Mom was sick and that she cannot properly take care of us. They were asking us if we want to get out of there. My sister wanted it badly, but I was too young. I was too young to understand everything and all I knew was that I don’t want to leave my Mom because she will be sad.” the last few words were said in a mumble. He’s smiling but his teeth are gritted.

“Yoora and I had no one to depend on but each other.” he smiles bitterly, “Then the day came when she had enough. I was ten and she was thirteen. She was certain about running away from home and she would take me with her. Everything was planned. T-Then…” even his laugh trembles, “shit happened.”

“What happened?” Baekhyun couldn’t help asking. Chanyeol looks at him before sighing heavily.

“My mom left us alone in the house. She double locked everything, including our rooms so that the demons wouldn’t be able to come inside and take us. But because majority of the neighborhood hated us and saw us as witches or part of a cult, some local goons set our house on fire. So that we would finally stop bringing bad luck to the village.” he chuckled again but he wasn’t able to hide his glistening eyes.

“S-So you…” Baekhyun was unable to control himself too, “you…”

“Yes.” a tear falls down from Chanyeol’s eye, he didn’t bother wiping it. “We were locked in our room while the house started burning.” his gaze doesn’t leave Baekhyun’s eyes and the latter felt his heart clenching. “I-I heard her…hopelessly screaming for someone to get us out of there. I was crying on the corner for the whole time. My sister hugged me tight…” he bites his lip as he sobs, “She made sure I don’t inhale the smoke while she had nothing to help herself with. My mother didn’t even bother to leave us a glass of water before she left. You know, it actually could’ve saved us both…” Chanyeol harshly wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, his face crumpled. “S-She was so selfish. I had to wake up and be told that my sister died s-saving me.”

Baekhyun gulps with the sight in front of him, Chanyeol is crying as if he was the same kid that night when everything happened. Chanyeol is breaking down as if he’s accepting his defeat.

“I had to carry all the burden with me…” he says, almost a whisper. “I started having attacks whenever I sense danger. I became neurotic with all these…things inside my head. It was fucked up. Everything was fucked up.”

Baekhyun tries to keep himself composed. He wants to show Chanyeol that he’ll be there. He’s there for him when he decided to trust him completely by telling this.

“I’m so ashamed…you know? The last words of my sister never left my mind, despite all those years that passed. Yet it was only last night when I acted upon it…” he shakes his head, “She told me to save myself. Why didn’t I do it earlier? Why didn’t I run away when I had the chance to? I’m so fucking ashamed of myself.”

He lets out a deep breath, “I never blamed my mother for what happened. I remained deaf when people constantly told me she was the reason why it all occurred. I gave her a chance.” he says, “But last night, so many realizations hit me hard. She did this to her. And soon enough, she’ll do it to me as well. I don’t want that. I want to live. And being with her while obeying all her rules isn’t living at all.”

They remain silent after that, Chanyeol tries to recover from all the memories he had to bring up while Baekhyun processes everything he heard.

Then Chanyeol sighs. He manages to bring his sly grin back to his face.

“That’s it. That’s the story about how I got my panic disorder and how unfortunate my life is!” he exclaims as if nothing happened, “That’s also basically why no one likes me and I honestly have no idea what’s going to happen to me in the future.”

“You’re being so hard on yourself. Some people actually like you, you know.” Baekhyun unconsciously responds while looking at the falls in front. Chanyeol looks at him because of this, unable to hide his grin that Baekhyun didn’t notice. “Plus you’re still very young. You’re also talented. Don’t pull that shit on me about not having a good future.”

“As usual, very optimistic Mr. Byun.” Chanyeol jokingly scoffs, “And why do you always talk as if you’re so old? I bet you’re only months older than I am. You just look more mature because of how you dress.”

“And what’s wrong with how I dress?” _Very distracting,_ Chanyeol wants to answer but chose not to, “Okay then, enlighten me college boy, how old are you exactly?” he asked while squinting his eyes, as if challenging.

“Twenty-two!” Chanyeol answers with the same manner but was taken aback when the man beside him laughs in an instant.

“Total baby.”

He almost blushed with this, unable to retaliate fast.

“I’m thirty-one, if you must know. So yes, I’m _so old,_ like you said.”

He is shocked. He didn’t expect their ages to be this distant. He actually thought that he’s only months younger. If he wasn’t in college then he might’ve actually thought he’s older than Baekhyun is.

The fact that he looks so youthful for his age remains a mystery to Chanyeol.

Baekhyun grins beside him.

“Shocked?”

“W-Well I just didn’t expect that.” Chanyeol says, “Hah, I can’t believe I’m not calling you ‘hyung’. For a while, I suddenly realized how disrespectful I’ve been.”

Baekhyun chuckles, “It’s not a big deal. I actually prefer to be called by my name.”

“Hmm no, I want to call you Hyung.” Chanyeol says with a sly smile for a reason he thought about in his mind. Baekhyun’s brows cross because of this but he only shrugs.

“Okay…”

“So Hyung…” he clears his throat, still not used to the formality. “Don’t you think it’s a bit unfair that I told you a lot and you haven’t done the same? You have me equally curious about you.”

Baekhyun laughs, “Figured you’ll say that.” he shifts on his seat to be more comfortable, “Okay, what do you want to know? I’ll answer if I can.”

“What do you do?” Chanyeol asks, “I mean…your job?”

He has always been curious about this. Baekhyun seems to be the type of person who has all the time in the world. Judging from the time he spends on hanging out with Chanyeol since they met, especially the fancy things he seems to own.

Baekhyun doesn’t look at him when he asked. Although he doesn’t look bothered at all.

“Nothing. I’m jobless.”

Chanyeol wants to laugh. _Of course he isn’t._ The freaking Thunderbird car and sleek motorcycles do not seem to be owned by someone _jobless._

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“No.”

Baekhyun laughs lightly.

“Well, I wasn’t completely _jobless._ I had a job before, a good one. I earned enough so I took a rest and decided to have fun for a while.”

“And how long have you been having fun?” Chanyeol thinks about the possibilities of Baekhyun wasting his time on him. He could’ve traveled the world but he happened to encounter such an unfortunate person like Chanyeol. There is suddenly a bitter taste in his mouth.

Baekhyun only shrugs.

“Lost count of it.”

Chanyeol is once again, unconvinced. He doesn’t get why Baekhyun feels the need to keep such simple things secret.

“Okay, where do you live then?”

“Nowhere.”

Chanyeol scoffs when he couldn’t help himself, “Bullshit.”

“Why won’t you believe me?” Baekhyun asks while laughing at Chanyeol’s scowling face, “I sleep in motels or inns, the nearest place I can go. Sometimes just inside my car, it’s a lot cozier in there.”

“You actually expect me to believe that you spend money every day on _motels?_ ”

“Yes? It’s a thing.” Baekhyun answers and he got another glare from Chanyeol that only got him chuckling.

“I don’t buy it.” Chanyeol casually says, “Why don’t you just buy a house instead? Rent an apartment?”

“Because…I don’t need it?” he answers as if it’s obvious, “I’ve been moving from one place to another, it’s a lot more difficult to have a specific place to live in.”

Chanyeol has so many questions to throw, but with Baekhyun’s smiling face not so distant from him that made his gaze fall down to his lips, he ended up with only a sentence to utter.

“You’re so weird…”

“But that’s why we’re pals right!”

He only shakes his head when the guy taps his arm. He wants to know more. _Everything_ about Baekhyun. He has all the time in the world to listen.

“You sound a lot like Hera.” Baekhyun mumbles under his breath. His eyes darted on the water falling on the ground and right then, it was as if Chanyeol’s heart fell along with it.

“O-Oh…” he blinks a few times, “Your girlfriend?”

It is as if he ends up with the question that bugs him the most. Just not the answer he expected.

“Wife.” Baekhyun corrects him, still sounding like a whisper. “My wife.”

Chanyeol couldn’t understand why he’s suddenly feeling like backing out of this conversation and just call it a day. It’s only a while ago when he was so firm about knowing everything about Baekhyun’s life so…why now?

He nods slowly, gulping all words that seemed to form into lumps in his throat, “So y-you’re married…”

Baekhyun doesn’t answer. And Chanyeol wants to stop, honestly. It’s obvious that neither of them wants to talk about it. But he can’t control himself. Maybe he really does want to know. Maybe he really wants to make sure it’s true.

“Where is she?” the bitter taste in his mouth becomes worse, as if he already wants to spit his words.

The older flashes a smile that made the thing inside his chest clench, he realizes it was beyond wrong to ask.

“I wish I know, honestly…” he chuckles, “She just vanished to…God knows where.”

Chanyeol isn’t able to say something. He has to breathe for a while to keep his composure.

“I’m sorry.”

Baekhyun only stayed put looking at the water, as if drowning into it with his thoughts.

“Are the authorities trying to find her? Did someone take her?”

“I have no idea, Chanyeol.” he finally looks at him and Chanyeol finally gets to see the pain in his eyes, “I just went home that night, and she wasn’t there. I had no clue. She was fine. We were fine. Or that’s what I thought…” he mutters.

“I did everything to find her. I asked for everyone’s help, and they did. They looked for her. But it’s been years and everyone eventually grew tired of it. They told me it was a hopeless case…that either she intentionally ran away or she’s dead. I went fucking nuts, you know? But then, I understand. I understand that they grew tired, because I am too. I’m so tired of trying to find her when I don’t even know where to start.”

Chanyeol watches Baekhyun as he stares into space.

_“I see, you’re friends with the falcon.”_

_“That’s because he doesn’t stay in a single place long enough.”_

“I really want to give up…” Baekhyun shakes his head as he mumbles.

“So that’s why you leave places from time to time…” Chanyeol gently says when he finally figures out, “You are looking for her.”

Baekhyun doesn’t answer to this, confirming it to Chanyeol. Every piece is starting to make sense.

“When was she lost?”

Baekhyun bites his lip before showing his arm where his tattooed Fatum is there.

**_11 / 27_ **

Chanyeol chuckles in irony. Look how fate works for him? _Neat._

“That’s my…” he gulps before forcing a smile, “It’s the day I was born.”

Baekhyun only stares at him, though he is obviously in awe. Chanyeol shakes his head as he avoids his gaze.

“S-Sorry…” he laughs, “It must be weird that I give a damn about my birthday. Everybody else probably doesn’t care about theirs.”

“No, it’s not.” Baekhyun finally breaks into a smile, looking distant as if he figures out something nice. “It’s actually great to have it written on me.”

Chanyeol lost himself again. Baekhyun’s words suddenly keep repeating in his head but unlike the usual voices he hears, this one does things to him in a completely different way.

“What are we doing? It’s almost sunrise! God, we wasted time!” he drifts away from his deep thoughts when Baekhyun jumps up from his seat. Chanyeol only starts panicking when he notices that the older is starting to undress in front of him.

“Hyung, what are you doing?”

“What we came here for, what else?” Baekhyun says while pulling down his pants to reveal his boxer shorts and thick thighs.

Chanyeol continues to watch him with widening eyes when he realizes that Baekhyun’s serious. He’s already walking to the edge of the rocks, getting a glimpse of the clear water below them.

He turns to Chanyeol with a bright smile on his face, very unlike the one Chanyeol saw a while ago.

“Chanyeol! Come on!”

“I swear to God, you can’t do that!” Chanyeol freezes on his seat, “It’s dangerous! There are too many rocks down there and it’s too high!”

“It’s not! Come on, you’re being such a killjoy right now!” he pouts.

The sun is beginning to rise. And Chanyeol’s heart might have just skipped a beat when its faint rays hit Baekhyun’s face looking right at him from the distance. It was as if he’s glowing and Chanyeol didn’t mind including him in the sceneries around them.

“What? You look dumb right now.” Baekhyun raises a brow, “Chanyeol, it’s time to jump!”

“I can’t!”

Baekhyun sighs in defeat.

“Fine, but I’m going to be alone there. So if I hit my head on the rock and die here, it’s all your fault.”

“H-Hey don’t―”

He catches a glimpse of Baekhyun’s smirk before he turns around and jumps down to the water below. Chanyeol can hear his excited squeal as he jumps and how it fades away until there’s a sound of loud splash below.

He remains on his seat, unable to recover from the fact that Baekhyun actually jumped that high. Chanyeol contemplates for a while, but when he realizes that it was suddenly quiet, he jumps to his feet and his heart starts hammering uncontrollably.

He doesn’t hear any teasing remarks or shouts from the water down there and it bothers him so much. He slowly walks to the edge of the rocks, silently hoping that Baekhyun’s just too carried away with swimming that he remained quiet. But Chanyeol looks down at the deep water underneath him and he can hear his heart beating against his chest. There are no signs of Baekhyun or his movements.

“Hyung?” he calls, knees already trembling because of the depth of the rocks at the bottom. “B-Baekhyun-hyung!”

No one answers. He looks at every corner of the waterfalls and big rocks he can see, but there are no traces of him.

“F-Fuck…oh fuck.” he cusses to himself. He starts taking off his shirt and pants, he makes his way to the farther edge of the cliff but he’s trembling so bad that he froze again.

**_“Jump and you’_ ** **_ll die._ ** **_”_ **

It is even worse when the voices come again. He’s so afraid and nervous and he’s sure he’s into another attack once more.

**_“Dead. He’s dead, Chanyeol, fuck.”_ **

**_“_ ** **_Don_ ** **_’t jump, don’t jump, don’t jump, don’t jump, don’t jump, don’t ju―”_ **

He is so close to crying but someone grabs his arm. The cold wet hands made him shiver. When he turns to face who it is, he cusses so hard. The wet pair of hands hold his face and made him meet the other’s eyes.

“Don’t listen to the voices, Chanyeol.” he says while holding Chanyeol’s face. Their faces are undeniably close and Chanyeol can feel Baekhyun’s cold breath as he nods, “Okay? Listen to me _. Just me._ ”

Chanyeol cannot comprehend what’s happening but he nods. He agrees to whatever Baekhyun said.

“NOW, JUMP!”

Chanyeol feels it. How he willingly grabs Baekhyun’s hand as he jumps. How he feels incredibly light, _as if he was flying,_ right before splashing into the cold water below. Their hands losing grip of each other, and along with him, the voices completely drown into the water.

He swims to the surface and gasps for a huge breath of air. First thing he sees is the top of the cliff where they were standing a few seconds ago and he couldn’t believe he jumped that high. He did it. He fucking did it.

“HOLY!” someone pops up right in front of him from under the water. Baekhyun’s already smiling big at him. Chanyeol is still panting heavily.

“You did it! I’m so proud of you!” he exclaims while his arm circles around Chanyeol’s neck. The intimately close space and their bare skin against each other made Chanyeol stiffer than he already was.

“Damn you...” he says after being able to breathe. Baekhyun shifts back in front of him, facing him while laughing like there’s no tomorrow. Chanyeol only watches him, slightly frowning but his heart feels light with the sound of laughter.

“Sorry…but you should’ve seen your face back there!” he laughs, “Ah! _Fuck_ ―I can’t breathe.”

The sun is already up now. He can clearly see it behind his Hyung’s face. Behind his crinkling eyes and hearty laughs, Chanyeol can see the sun and can hardly tell the difference.

“I used the shortcut right there, look!” he points at the corner of the falls, still grinning. But the other couldn’t bring himself to smile back.

Chanyeol fell, hard and deep. And it’s only now when he realizes it, but maybe he did ever since his gaze fell on him for the first time. It was scary, like that jump. Because he felt more certain on this than he ever felt for his life.

His eyes fell on Baekhyun’s lips. Baekhyun will be lying if he says he didn’t do the same.

“D-Don’t do that again, Hyung.” Chanyeol smiles as he looks away, unable to contain all the thoughts he’s been having.

He smiles back, _not now then._

“Don’t worry, you know I’ll never let you jump on your own.”

He had her vanishing day as the tattooed Fatum on his arm. Chanyeol figures it all out that moment. Maybe because when she vanished, he lost his life too. Maybe _she was his life._ And maybe Baekhyun’s trying to find her because he’s trying to find himself too.

But what Chanyeol holds on to the most is that he also has his birth date written on him. And he wouldn’t take this as a mere coincidence. Because he started to believe that if it had a reason for Baekhyun’s wife, then it must have something for him as well.

Maybe he’ll be the one to bring that life back to him.

Maybe he was born to meet him. And that’s what matters to him.

It was the beginning of Summer.

 


	2. Come Away with Me, and We'll Kiss

“Chanyeol.”

A gentle tap wakes him up from the dream he just had. Chanyeol’s mind comes back to reality, where he barely remembers what he was dreaming about. It is sparkling waters, hard rocks underneath his feet, him kissing somebody. But everything else including who exactly it was, was a blur.

He feels another tap on his face and as soon as he opens his eyes, it is no question.

“S-Sorry…did I oversleep?” he hoarsely asks while looking around the small room in the inn where they stopped over to sleep.

“No…it’s still very early.” Baekhyun watches him, “But I figured you must have a class today and we’re…not very near to the town. It’ll be a long drive.”

“Oh  _shit._ ” he immediately cusses under his breath when he realizes that it’s already Monday and he has been absent for a lot of days. But does he really have to go to school? After everything that town left for him to remember?

“Don’t worry. I’ll drive you there.” Baekhyun offers and he has no choice but to agree.

 

 

They are driving silently, although Baekhyun seems to be the only one unbothered by it while humming along the song from the radio. Chanyeol stiffly sits beside him, random thoughts clouding up his mind.

Ever since he realized on that waterfalls that he  _clearly_ has little feelings for Baekhyun, he finds it hard talking to him casually like how they do. And it somehow made him feel like it was nothing but a wrong idea.  _You nasty little ass, you only met him days ago,_ he curses to himself.

 _It’s just a crush, anyway,_ he thinks, trying to convince himself more.  _You have such a huge crush on him because he’s cool, he’s everything you wish to be, he’s…he’s beautiful._

Chanyeol gulps, side-eyeing Baekhyun beside him.

_And…so fucking hot?_

“What are you thinking again?”

Chanyeol jolts.

“Huh?”

“You’re being a weirdo again.” Baekhyun casually says, very opposite to how tensed he is. “Tell me what’s bothering you before you collapse there.”

Chanyeol immediately shakes his head, “N-Nothing.”

Baekhyun looks at him warily, weighing his words. Chanyeol remains looking straight ahead. Then he hears the silver-haired man sighing deeply.

“Chanyeol.”

“I told you hyung, it’s nothing!”

“Do you want to go home?”

The younger looks at him because of this, he sees the concern etched all over Baekhyun’s face.

“I understand. Just tell me if you want to and I’ll send you ho―”

“No.” Chanyeol shakes his head in defiance, breathing deeply. “I never want to go home again. P-Please hyung…don’t send me home.”

“Okay…” the older nods, “How about your friends? Will you tell them? Whose house are you going to stay in then?”

Chanyeol blinks slowly because of this question.

“I d-don’t know. I…” he stutters, “Can I stay with you? I…want to stay with you. I mean, until I get a place of my own at least.”

Baekhyun doesn’t respond immediately. He looks at Chanyeol, as if in awe.

The younger takes this the other way. He assumes that he may actually bother Baekhyun’s plans of finding his wife. Something in his chest topples.

“I’m willing to pay for myself and help with…” a lump forms in his throat when Baekhyun’s remains speechless, “B-But if you don’t want to, it’s fine. I can just―”

“No, no, of course it’s fine!” Baekhyun cuts him off with a smile, “I just didn’t think you would…want to stay with me. I mean…I’m a homeless man who can’t offer you anything but company.”

 _Are you fucking kidding,_ “Well, that’s exactly what I need now.” he smiles widely, thinking about not having to go home and just tag along with Baekhyun wherever he goes.

“You can always come with me, Chanyeol. And don’t bother about the bills, gosh.”

Knowing that Baekhyun didn’t actually want to get rid of him doesn’t help Chanyeol’s poor little heart at all.

“But if you don’t mind me asking, you do have friends, right? From school?”

“I do…” Chanyeol nods slowly, “I’m not that friendly with my classmates but I have a few friends I can talk to. Sehun, Junmyeon, Jongdae…Jongin too, and Seulgi sometimes.” he says, almost muttering the last part.

“Hmm…” Baekhyun’s lips twitch, “Seulgi, huh.”

Chanyeol realizes what he just said though he doesn’t understand why Baekhyun seemed to only notice a particular name.

“Yes…she’s uh, a girl from my college.”

“Your girlfriend?”

“N-No…” he laughs nervously and he doesn’t know why, “Of course not.”

He doesn’t fail to notice Baekhyun’s lingering stare on him, lips pursed.

“And why did you stutter like that?” he raises a brow, “Your crush then?”

Chanyeol wants to laugh,  _crush,_ “No. It’s just…people always tease us together since we…k-kissed in a party before.” Baekhyun is now looking straight to the road, “But it was only a dare! I don’t even know why it became a big deal.”

Baekhyun grins, but he rather seemed unamused.

“Well you must have her wrapped around your finger with that kiss, I think.” he says, obviously implying that Seulgi has a crush on him. But Chanyeol remains being naïve, “Can’t say I blame her.” he says and shrugs.

Chanyeol is fully aware how hard his face flushed in that moment.

“What…”

Baekhyun sighs while pointing at the tall building a few meters away from them, he realizes they’re almost there.

“I’ll pick you up at three, sounds good?”

 

 

 

He has to endure the whole day of listening to the lectures and boring classes. Not to mention how his mind drifts to a specific person every minute, wondering what he could be doing. It is as if time doubled and hours turned to years when he cannot wait for it all to end.

Despite being absent for days, Chanyeol doesn’t forget the brief meeting they have to do every end of classes for the specific project they’ve been working on. What’s odd is that his friends didn’t wait for him in the classroom before heading to the hallway end where they usually talk.

He arranged his things and was one of the last people who left the classroom. He immediately sees his friends standing at the end of the hallway and seemed to be engaged in a deep conversation. He wastes no time and walks up to them when he hears unexpected words from one of them.

“…then just let him go home to his crazy mother.”

He stops in his tracks when he heard the said words. It is clearly Jongin’s voice, and it is filled with hatred and disgust. Sehun and Jongdae face his way so they see him immediately, both pair of eyes widening.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Chanyeol isn’t able to stop himself. Jongin faces him, also surprised but then it comes back to his cold expression.

“H-Hyung…” Sehun immediately walks to his side and tries to pat him but Chanyeol doesn’t budge.

“Say it again, Jongin.”

“I said go home to your psychotic witch of a mother―”

The tanned boy isn’t able to finish his sentence when he falls hard to the floor from a strong punch on his face.

“Chanyeol!”

“W-What? Am I wrong?” Jongin scoffs while wiping his lips, “You know what she did? She almost hurt my sister because she thought we were hiding you! She’s  _batshit_  crazy, man. And you know what? Looking at you right now, I figured you’re no different!”

He almost leaned forward, ready to hurt him again but his friends blocked his way. His knuckles were shaking terribly. His mind is in chaos and he almost prepared himself for the voices to come in his mind again.

Chanyeol looks around as he breathes heavily. A lot of people are watching them around, eager to hear a juicy gossip. All of them look at him with a judging stare too. The same disgust in Jongin’s eyes.

“Chanyeol, s-stop please…” Junmyeon says.

His jaw hardens before he turns around to walk away. Sehun immediately blocks his way.

“Hyung…you know he didn’t mean it. He’s just shocked and mad.” Chanyeol chuckles with this, “I know you’re a good person, hyung, I am your friend.” Sehun says and there is a pang in his chest.

“Go home, Chanyeol. Before she kills all of us!” he hears Jongin shout behind him. He looks at him and catches his glare full of hatred, his other friends hold him while their eyes scream the same thing for Chanyeol.

Pity.

Chanyeol gulps before facing Sehun again, refusing to look at his genuinely concerned eyes.

“Go back to your friends, Sehun.” he smiles sarcastically, leaving him as he walks away.

 

 

 

His heart is beating uncontrollably inside his chest. His steps are as fast as its beating. He hears a voice constantly calling for his name behind him but he doesn’t bother looking behind. It was only when he reached the gate when the running steps went closer to him.

“C-Chanyeol…”

He faces her, brows still crossed.

“Seulgi.” he tries to stay nice despite whatever happened back there, “What is it?”

She pants heavily because of the running she did. When she is able to catch her breath, she steps forward and hugs him tight.

“I know it must be hard for you, but I’m here.” she says against his shoulders and Chanyeol has no choice but to hug her back, “Don’t let Jongin’s words get into you, there are still a lot of people willing to be your friends.” she says and places a kiss on Chanyeol’s cheek before pulling away.

Chanyeol blinks a few times before forcing a smile.

“Thank you, Seulgi.”

“I’m just here if you need something, Yeol.” her cheeks are bright red as she smiles timidly. Chanyeol nods and she takes it as a cue to run back inside.

He stands on the same spot for a while, thinking about the fact that there are still people who are there for him. And he can’t help smiling a bit. Her words made him feel a bit better.

He starts to continue walking towards the gate where he is greeted by the sight of a person he’s waiting to see. And once again, he stops in his tracks.

Baekhyun’s brows are raised, eyes piercing directly through him as if he’s been watching him for a while now. Both his arms are crossed over his chest and Chanyeol would be lying if he said his breath isn’t taken away by how Baekhyun confidently leans on his sleek vintage car, strands of his silver hair falling over his eyes.

Though he suddenly realizes why Baekhyun must be looking at him like that.

“Well, isn’t that nice?” he says, flashing Chanyeol a sly smile.

  

 

   

He’s walking far behind him, quietly following the other’s walking pace. He doesn’t want to give the people idea, or rather, Baekhyun doesn’t even bother looking behind as well.

When Baekhyun starts to walk faster, Chanyeol couldn’t help running after him to walk beside him. It isn’t really difficult to reach Baekhyun’s walking pace because of his long legs. He looks at the shorter man beside him who’s blankly looking around the area without sparing Chanyeol a glance.

“Uhm, hyung?”

“Hmm?”

He follows him like a lost boy when Baekhyun walks straight inside a shop.

“What are we doing here?” he asks, looking around the mall and silently prays he doesn’t bump into someone he knows.

“Buy you some clothes.”

Chanyeol immediately reacts defiantly to this, “I don’t think you should…”

“Well, you can’t keep wearing mine all the time, can you? They’re too small for you.”

Chanyeol opens his mouth to say something but he doesn’t know what it is. He’s absolutely right, of course, but this just doesn’t feel right to him.

He watches Baekhyun focusing on scanning every shirt in front of him. Chanyeol stiffly stands there, feeling as if there’s something he needs to say.

“It’s not like I’m going to be your  _sugar daddy_ , Chanyeol. It’s just clothes.” he chuckles when he notices Chanyeol looking uneasy, “Think of me as your foster parent.”

Chanyeol tries to laugh but he almost ends up choking instead.  _Sugar daddy?_

“Fine.” he says after coughing, “But not too much, okay?”

Baekhyun only shakes his head in amusement. He continues looking through the clothes while Chanyeol follows him, nodding every time Baekhyun asks if he likes something. He honestly wants this to be over and talk to Baekhyun about how shitty his day was. He wants him to finally look at him and not at those damn clothes. _H_ _e must be going mental._

“My friends hate me.” Baekhyun still doesn’t look at him though his movements became slower, somehow implying that he hears him. “I punched Jongin because I heard him talking shit about my mother.”

He purses his lips. Baekhyun looks straight at him.

“And did it make you feel better?”

He gulps before shaking his head.

“No.” he quietly answers, “I don’t even know why I was mad. He was right. My mother hurt his sister. She’s crazy. I should’ve known that.”

Baekhyun stares at him.

“Yeah.” he gently says, “And she’s your mother, Chanyeol.”

The taller didn’t say anything. He had no words to respond with.

“Any shit said about her doesn’t change that fact.” he adds, “So you have every right to be angry.” he seriously says that made Chanyeol dumbfounded.

“We bought a lot here, let’s move to the other shop?” Baekhyun adds.

They both wait in silence while the clothes are getting punched at the cashier. Chanyeol subtly looks at him every now and then.

“S-Seulgi’s really nice to comfort me a while ago, by the way.”

“I know right.”

“She hugged me at the gate before I went out…” he doesn’t even know why he’s telling this, “She told me nice things and―”

“Yeah, I saw it.” Baekhyun says in a snap as he gets all the bag on the counter. Chanyeol tries to get the bags from him since they’re all his clothes but he insists, “Nope, I can do it.”

“Are you mad, Hyung?” Chanyeol asks while making their way out of the boutique.

The older chuckles, still looking around. “What? Why would I be mad?”

“You didn’t like it when she hugged me?” Baekhyun doesn’t answer as if he didn’t hear it. Chanyeol stops in the middle of the mall so Baekhyun has no choice but to look at him.

“She’s a good friend…” Baekhyun crosses his brows as if he’s being ridiculous but Chanyeol continues, “But that’s it. There’s nothing more than that.”

Baekhyun laughs while shaking his head, “I―I don’t even know what you’re…”

For the first time, he is the one feeling more confident between both of them. He raises both his brows at Baekhyun, as if waiting for him to finish his words.

Baekhyun’s smile fades off. He grunts as he walks back to where Chanyeol is and shoves him his paper bags.

Chanyeol isn’t able to suppress his grin.

“Bring that!” he says, blinking a few times. “You told me about that movie you wanted to see, right? It’s in theaters. Let’s watch it.” he says, drifting the topic away and walks way ahead of smiling Chanyeol.

 

 

 

He’s a mad man who couldn’t take that stupid smile on his face and as much as he wants to concentrate on the intensifying climax of the movie, he can’t. Maybe because the head of the man beside him is constantly drooping down to his front. Chanyeol stares at his face and his eyes are now closed, falling completely asleep despite the screams from the people around them.

He leans to his right, intentionally offering his shoulder to let the smaller place his head on it. When Baekhyun’s head finds it, he found it comfortable and settles in the same position while snoring lightly.

_Fucking cute._

He continues to look at Baekhyun’s slightly parted mouth, obviously enjoying his dreamland. Chanyeol misses it, the good scene where the people around them lost their shit, but who cares anyway.

 

“I fucking hate movies.” Baekhyun says while rubbing his eyes. The people around them are getting fewer until they’re the only ones left.

Chanyeol sniggers, “Obviously.”

They make their way out of the cinema where the guard gives them a lingering look as they walk. The two of them only laugh when they pass by him.

“Let’s not drive tonight.” Chanyeol says that made Baekhyun, who’s obviously still yearning for his sleep, look at him. “You’ll kill us both, hyung. Let’s just…stay on the riverside, park the car.”

“No motels?”

“ _Ugh,_ no motels.”

“Alright.” Baekhyun nods, “Let’s grab dinner first, our stomachs are having a growling competition now.”

They eat in a fast food chain which Chanyeol insists since Baekhyun seems to be planning on eating in a restaurant. Good thing he is able to pull him away and beg him to just eat in a  _less_ costly place. Then after almost breaking things in a department store, they are dying of laughter as they ran out of the mall. As soon as they hop inside Baekhyun’s Thunderbird, they’re already panting hard from all the running and hysterical laughing.

Baekhyun drives slowly, not rushing anything since the riverside is only a few miles away. They drive past the nearby park where only several people are walking or hanging out because it’s Monday night. They go to the farther part of the riverside covered with trees, Baekhyun slows down as soon as they reach a good spot to park at.

“Right…” Baekhyun stops the engine, “here. Perfect.”

“Are you trying to get us killed by a serial killer again, hyung?” he asks while looking around.

“I’m going to if you don’t stop being paranoid.” he takes off his jacket and grabs a pack of cigarette, “Stars are best seen here.”

He hops out of the car with his cigarette and Chanyeol follows. He doesn’t really understand why Baekhyun took off his jacket when the cold air outside is already freezing him to death.

“Stargazing, huh?” he pushes the car door and sees Baekhyun sitting on the trunk of the car with a stick between his lips, “You find movies boring but you’re into watching stars?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” Baekhyun jokingly glares at him before blowing the smoke near his face. Chanyeol cusses as he coughs, hearing Baekhyun’s airy laugh beside him.

“You know what? I’m going to give your  _unmoving_ stars a try.” he says and lays on his back. Baekhyun looks at him with a trace of smile on his face, though he remains sitting to finish his stick.

Chanyeol doesn’t deny that this is indeed the best place for watching the stars. You can almost see each of them, sparkling right in front of your eyes as if someone threw glitters on the dark sky. He places his arm under his head, trying to recall some of the things he learned from Astronomy class where people see nonexistent shapes in them. He tries to make Orion with his hands, not even knowing if he’s doing it right.

Unintentionally, his eyes fall on the large bridge, an overpass miles away from where he is. He knows exactly what it is, and there’s something in his chest that hurts.

Chanyeol wonders how she’s doing.

He felt a thump beside him and sees Baekhyun laying down as well. He finished his cigarette and is now devouring a mint candy. Chanyeol can hear it clanking against his teeth.

“You know what they say that people use stars before to know directions?” Baekhyun suddenly talks after a few minutes, “That people use them when they’re lost?”

“Yeah.” he nods, “What about it?”

“Nothing…” Baekhyun shrugs, “Just amazing, isn’t it? I wonder if it still happens now…How easy it must be. You just look up when shit goes blank and when you’re lost.”

Chanyeol knows what he means. But he chooses not to answer and go further with it.

“Why do you have so many post cards of places with you?”

“Those are the cities and sights I dream of going someday.” Chanyeol says, “And they usually influence my art.”

“But most of them are in Prague.” he points out, “You like Prague?”

The younger nods, “Yeah…I guess I could say it’s my favorite city.”

“Really?” Baekhyun beams at him, “I love that city too! I’ve been to Spain before but I really want to go to Czech Republic.”

Chanyeol smiles, “Then why don’t you?” Baekhyun obviously has enough money to do that. Baekhyun in Prague is such a beautiful combination to him.

The older frowns before shaking his head, “Not now.” he glances at Chanyeol, “Maybe in the future. I’ll let you know if I’m bored.”

Chanyeol watches how he smiles at the sky while saying this, he didn’t answer anymore.

“Chanyeol, can I see your work?” Baekhyun talks again after the long silence, tilting his head to his side to look at Chanyeol.

“Huh?”

“Your art. You managed to bring one, right? I want to see it.” Chanyeol awkwardly laughs but Baekhyun tugs his sweater, “Please? I want to see.”

And how can he say no?

He finds himself pulling a clothed canvas out of the car’s backseat. Baekhyun is now sitting on the trunk, waiting for him.

He deeply sighs before taking the cloth off the canvas with his unfinished work. Baekhyun holds it with both his hands, mouth parted in awe.

“Wow, you’re…” he smiles, “You’re so good.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Hey, I’m not kidding!” Baekhyun exclaims when he sees Chanyeol’s doubtful face, “I’m not really into art but I know if it’s a good one.” he examines the painting again, “Is this a…bird?”

Chanyeol slowly nods, “Yes…Wow I didn’t expect for you to see it that fast.”

Baekhyun smiled before tilting his head to look at it again, Chanyeol only watches him, “It’s a bird…with a broken wing, is it?” he looks at Chanyeol who nods, “But its shape is…”

“Weird, yeah.” the taller sheepishly grins, “I’m more into Surrealism that’s why. But you’re right, it’s a broken-winged bird.”

Baekhyun is surprisingly silent. He stares at the artwork for a long time then looks at Chanyeol.

“What?”

“Nothing…it’s really good.” he smiles again, “You’re incredibly talented, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol’s system is in chaos, he knows what he wants to ask and he’s aware that he wants it as soon as he can.

“So you like it?”

Baekhyun chortles, “I love it.”

“Good.” Chanyeol nods, almost skipping a breath.

Because if not now, when? When will he gain the courage to ask?

“Wow, that sounded like what I think really matters.” Baekhyun raises a brow. His smile slightly fades when he notices Chanyeol staring directly at his artwork as if holding himself in, “Chanyeol?”

“Well it does to me.” something in him jolts when his eyes met the younger’s, “It matters to me.”

Baekhyun isn’t able to respond.

“Hyung, can I ask you something?”

He gulps but manages to flash his usual grin.

“Yeah, what is it?”

“After Hera, did you ever like somebody?”

He blinks in surprise. He was partly expecting it but seeing Chanyeol trying to garner courage to look at him directly right now is something else.

“Well…” he tries to be as casual as he can, but his racing heart says otherwise. “I tried hanging out with a lot of people for a couple of times but…no one really got my interest so I didn’t bother seeing them again.”

“Except me, right?” Chanyeol bravely asks again, “I mean…just me?”

Baekhyun is completely out of his cool. He looks at Chanyeol, eyes blinking rapidly.

“Yeah…” he gulps while nodding, “Except you.”

“Then do you like me, Hyung?” Chanyeol eventually asks, his tone full of hope and audacity. “Because I like you, so much.”

The younger gulps, smiling to the older with courage.

“And it wasn’t what I thought it was. It wasn’t just liking you because I want to be as carefree as you are. I like you because you set me free from everything holding me back and I r-realized I want to be free with you. And I just…” he breathes heavily with a smile, “I really  _really_ like you, Hyung.”

Baekhyun blinks again, the thing he does whenever he’s out of words. Chanyeol looks at him with chest heaving after talking continuously. He is even more confused when Baekhyun only breaks into a cheeky grin.

“Okay.”

His heart almost fell when he hears a single word. He isn’t sure if it is pain or relief but Baekhyun follows it with another.

“What took you so long?”

The younger man creased his brows, “Hyung?”

Baekhyun’s hands find their way to Chanyeol’s face, pulling him to where he is before crashing his lips to the other. Chanyeol towers over him while they kiss deeper. He can taste the sweetness and mint in Baekhyun’s mouth and it’s more than what he could ask for.

Chanyeol looks into his eyes as he pulls away, both gazes are drunken with something more. He could feel their breaths on his swollen lips.

“You like me like  _that_ , huh Hyung?” he asks between another kiss, “Just making sure.”

“I do.” Baekhyun breathes, flashing him a coy smile. “Like however you want it.”

Chanyeol lets his tongue inside his mouth, deepening their kiss. His hands are on both sides of Baekhyun’s body, his weight basically over him. He’s pushing away all of a sudden.

“Backseat.”

Baekhyun pushes his body after saying it. Chanyeol has to catch his breath especially after hearing the door slamming in front of him. He doesn’t bother keeping himself cool when he instantly follows inside. Baekhyun topples over him when he shut the door close, going back to his lips as if it’s an unfinished business that should not be left undone.

God knows how long he’s been  _not so_ silently into Baekhyun and now that he’s on top of him doesn’t give Chanyeol anything to complain.

Chanyeol sits in the backseat while Baekhyun’s knees are on both sides of his lap, straddling over him without difficulty as they continue making out. His hands are stiff beside him despite badly wanting to touch the older anywhere he can. He was still too carried away. He doesn’t have any idea what to do now that the person of his fantasies are on top of him, only this time― it's reality.

Baekhyun pulls away, his slender fingers are starting to unbutton his polo while his eyes remained locked to Chanyeol’s. When his top falls on the floor, exposing his fair skin, the younger loses his mind even more. He can hear his pulsating heart, incapable of handling the intensity he feels.

“Virgin, Chanyeol?” he asks, his stare lingering on the younger’s eyes as his hand reaches for his belt to unbuckle it.

Chanyeol pants heavily, flinching every time Baekhyun unintentionally touches the painful hard on underneath his pants. It took him a moment before he could shake his head as a response to the question.

“I see.” Baekhyun’s eyes darken, “When was it?”

Chanyeol doesn’t even know how to concentrate and answer his question now that his hands are on top of the only fabric covering his shaft, gently stroking it.

“T-The last time was…” he grunts when Baekhyun unintentionally presses it, as if adding fuel to the fire inside his system. “ _fuck,_ long ago…”

“And it wasn’t once, huh?” Baekhyun taunts before completely pulling down his pants and boxers down his knees. His hard and leaking member sprung free from whatever it is that was restricting it for so long. Baekhyun’s gaze ignites even more, his eyes stare at it as if it is a treat he deserves.

Of course, it’s a given that Chanyeol is an experienced man. It isn’t odd for his age. He had girlfriends even before college and he will be lying if he says he hasn’t done  _it_ yet. But to think about doing this with Baekhyun is something that gives him more feelings beyond pleasure.

Opposite to him who’s now sweating, Baekhyun seems more controlled and relaxed. It feels like there’s no rush for him. Although he may seem to control himself for now but the way his eyes look at Chanyeol says how badly he wants this too. He keeps in mind that he has all the time in the world to do this and he wouldn’t want to miss any detail he can store in his mind.

“H-Hyung…” Chanyeol groans when Baekhyun starts to test his patience. His pants are now on the floor and his sensitive flesh is now exposed to nothing but coldness. He badly wants Baekhyun to touch him, he can’t take this emptiness anymore. But Baekhyun’s gaze is enough to tell him that he doesn’t get to do anything unless he says so.

“Who’s your first then?” Baekhyun mumbles, Chanyeol feels his breath inside his thigh.  _“_ _Seulgi?_ _”_  he fakes a question before his tongue trails the skin of Chanyeol’s thighs, he makes sure it doesn’t reach the part where Chanyeol wants to be touched.

“ _Fuck_ , n-no…” Chanyeol shakes his head, honestly not remembering the clear details on how he lost his virginity and he can’t bring himself to care when Baekhyun is so close to sucking his dick. Baekhyun decides to be a worse asshole when he gently holds Chanyeol’s cock in front of him, slowly and teasingly stroking it while wearing a satisfied look on his face as he watches Chanyeol’s pain.

“Hyung,  _please…_ ” he can’t even recognize his own voice anymore. It’s filled with so much need and lust for the person kneeling in front of his leaking cock.

Baekhyun leans closer, placing wet kisses on his thighs while he maintains eye contact. Chanyeol never felt so fucking sinful in his life.

“I’m your first, Chanyeol.”

He holds his cock still in front of him before starting to lick it from the base up to the tip where he completely takes it in his mouth. He makes sure he takes it all in, slightly gagging when the tip reaches the roof of his mouth. He bobs his head up and down, taking encouragement from Chanyeol’s lusty and pleading groans. Baekhyun’s silver hair makes him look glowing against the light coming from the post outside. The way it sticks to his forehead because of sweat makes him even more beautiful than Chanyeol can ever imagine, considering his right in front of him, taking him in so well.

“Hyung…” his large hands clutch his head as if guiding him deeper, “ _Fuck―_ _ah,_ yes…”

Chanyeol arches his hips forward, unable to remain still because of the warmth Baekhyun’s mouth gives him. His head tilts upward, mouth parted as ragged breaths and endless curse words come out from it. He slightly rocks his hip, going along Baekhyun’s quickening pace. Tears started pooling on the corner of Baekhyun’s eyes as Chanyeol’s large cock continues to hit his throat, vigorously mouth-fucking him.

“Ah!” his breath hitches as he feels himself nearing. Baekhyun takes this as a cue to bob faster. Chanyeol lets out a moan before filling his mouth with his thick cream. He splatters some on the older’s chin, both cum and saliva trailing on the skin of his shaft.

He pants heavily, not missing the chance to take a look at Baekhyun’s face in front of him, completely messed like he is. Chanyeol’s gaze burns on his skin. The younger pulls his sweater off his body and uses it to wipe Baekhyun’s chin and cheeks. Right then he throws it away and pulls Baekhyun’s head closer to kiss him once more. Both their hands are moving impatiently, unzipping Baekhyun’s pants to be equally bare as him.

Chanyeol shifts their position to completely lay his back on the seat, legs apart while Baekhyun is between them. Their skins are onto each other, touching as if the lack of space isn’t enough. Leaning down, he places kisses on Chanyeol’s neck, down to his chest and bare torso. The younger’s large hands are holding on to his shoulders. He stares at him with his hooded eyes.

“Hyung…”

“Do you want me, Yeol?” his voice is demanding, as if wanting assurance before he continues.

“Yes.” Chanyeol urgently nods his head, “ _So much…_ now, please.”

Baekhyun takes this as a cue to reach for the bottle inside his compartment and put some on his slender fingers. He brings it between Chanyeol’s cheeks, tracing his rim with his sticky hands.

“Not too much,” Chanyeol mumbles between his hitched breathing, “I want to feel you in me, hyung…”

Baekhyun is more than happy to oblige. He leans down to Chanyeol’s swollen lips, placing a much longer kiss. When he pulls away, he tries to get a glimpse of Baekhyun’s eyes, as if trying to know what’s going on in his mind. He feels the older slowly entering him, his soft flesh welcoming him with the pain he had expected. But Chanyeol didn’t try breaking off their gaze. He wants to see how he does him, see if he can make Baekhyun feel good.

“ _Fuck…_ ” Baekhyun cusses in labored breath, his cock feeling the warmth inside as he completely goes in. “Oh, Chanyeol…”

He starts moving, making sure he’s not getting out of control with the pace and tries to weigh Chanyeol’s reactions under him. Hurting the younger is the last thing he wants.

“ _Ah_ _―faster…_ ” Chanyeol throatily groans, “Move f-faster, hyung― _ah!_ ”

Baekhyun watches his face as his hip thrusts faster. His arm circles around Chanyeol’s leg to angle him better. The younger’s eyes are tightly closed, head tilting up as he mouths more curses under his breath. He could feel Baekhyun inside him, filling him to the brim. The friction his cock makes in his flesh gets him breathless.

He gets a hold of Chanyeol’s hand, intertwining their fingers before pinning them on top of the younger’s head as he moves deeper and more vigorously. Beads of sweat are forming on Baekhyun’s forehead. Both of their earnest moans and ragged breaths mixed with the overwhelming silence inside the car.

He felt it near, and it pushes him to move faster, spreading Chanyeol’s legs wider to meet his thrusts. Baekhyun’s already breathing through his mouth along with the words the intense pleasure made him utter. Chanyeol’s pretty sure the car’s rocking along with their movements and it won’t be a question to anyone who’ll come to see it; but it is the least of his concern. When the older hits the sensitive spot inside him, the moans coming out from his lips became even more incoherent.

“Don’t stop, h-hyung…”

Baekhyun holds his cock with his hands, pumping it as he continues to move. Chanyeol went on with his cries, unable to hold himself any longer.

“Hold on, yeah baby? Just a little more…” Baekhyun manages to flash him a smile. He continues to stroke Chanyeol’s cock with the pace he knows is right until his movements became sloppier and deeper. Chanyeol soon explodes in his hands and abdomen, trembling from the pleasure he felt. Baekhyun gives one more thrust before he follows, splattering his cum inside and on the younger’s thighs. Chanyeol’s legs fall from his arm as if lifeless, his eyes remaining closed until he feels Baekhyun leaving him empty.

He is motionless despite feeling the other man moving inside the car to fix both of them. His heart feels light when he realizes what just happened, especially now that his hyung is taking care of him, wiping him clean so he can rest in comfort.

Chanyeol couldn’t open his eyes anymore as drowsiness takes over him, though the trace of smile on his lips doesn’t go unnoticed by Baekhyun. He grabs the thin blanket they’ve been using before trying to fit himself beside Chanyeol to lay down as well. The younger then shifts to his side to give him more space and face him at the same time.

“W-Was I good, hyung?” he asks in a low voice, his eyes traveling up to Baekhyun’s face just above him. “Did I make you feel good?”

Baekhyun looks down to see his soft stare, the eyes he has always been watching secretly until now.

“You did great, Chanyeol.”

He catches the same sly smile before Chanyeol completely closes his eyes again, placing his forehead on Baekhyun’s chin to finally dream about everything in his sleep.

“I’m happy.”

  

* * *

 

“Look what I found.”

Chanyeol blinks rapidly while still trying to adjust to the new bed. His cheek is pressed to the mattress as his arm dangles on the edge of the bed. Thin sheet covers his nakedness below.

He sees Baekhyun standing in front of him, holding what looked like two walkie talkies in his hands. He’s now in his boxers and hair that is messed up from the bed.

“Hmm?” Chanyeol tries to close his eyes again but Baekhyun sits on the side of the bed, nudging him. “What is that?”

“TRC-214!” Baekhyun beams at him.

“TRC what?” he shifts over to lay on his back, scratching his neck.

“It’s a two-way radio.” he smilingly looks at the both of them, “It’s from the 80’s…if I’m not mistaken.”

“Cool.” Chanyeol mumbles while he’s still close to going back to sleep, “Aw! What’s that for?!” Baekhyun slaps his ass when he is barely listening. He had no choice but to completely open his eyes.

“Let’s try it!” he forcefully puts the radio in Chanyeol’s hand before getting the other one. He stands up and runs to a distance with the radio still in his hand. Chanyeol chuckles. He’s not used to seeing Baekhyun like…this. He seems to be enjoying the walkie talkies so much.

“Press the last channel!” he hears him shout from behind the door. Chanyeol grunts before pressing on it, hearing a static sound.  _“Hello? Hello? Over.”_

Chanyeol hears his voice through the radio’s speaker. He only stares at it, not knowing what to answer.

 _“Chanyeol, can you hear me? Over.”_ Baekhyun even whispers so that Chanyeol would only hear him through the speaker and not meters away,  _“Fartface. Hey fartface, over.”_

“Why are you saying ‘over’?” Chanyeol hesitates for a while, “… _over_.”

 _“Sshh, just go with it!”_ he exclaims,  _“This is how they do it in movies. Over.”_

Chanyeol only sighs as a response. He continues to lay on the bed, waiting for Baekhyun to get tired of the thing but it seems like he finds it so much fun.

He felt him sitting on the edge of the bed, right beside him. Chanyeol’s attention is completely on him but his eyes remain on the radio.

“Don’t you like it?” Baekhyun fakes a glare at him before breaking into a smile. Chanyeol only pulls him closer by the waist, “We can use this, Chanyeol.”

The younger wheezes.

“For what?” he tries to hug him while laying down, pulling Baekhyun down beside him. “We’re always sticking together.”

“For…” Baekhyun purses his lips, “You know…”

“Sex?” Chanyeol grins at him, clutching his leg with his hand. “Don’t tell me you want to use that in sex? That’s how kinky you are, hyung?”

His eyes narrow in annoyance, “Pervert.”

“I’ll think about it.” Chanyeol shrugs, “After all I can shower you praises through this.  _Hmm, look at these thighs, over._ ” he fakes a moan before pinching the other’s leg,  _“Damn beautiful, over.”_

“Stop…”

 _“That ass though…over.”_ he dismisses Baekhyun’s glare, holding the radio closer to his smirking lips.  _“Look at you, looking so sexy in my boxers. Over.”_

Baekhyun breaks into a smile before leaning down to kiss him on the lips. He grabs him by the back of his head to pull him closer.

“You…are really trying so hard to seduce me.”

He flashes him an innocent smile, “Are you seduced?”

Baekhyun narrows his eyes before leaning down again to bite his lower lip as revenge.

“Don’t test my patience Park, not when I find you so hot in these sheets.”

Chanyeol laughs at this, earning him a smile from Baekhyun. But his smile soon shifts into seriousness.

“Yeol…” Baekhyun starts off, “When are you going back to the university?”

There’s still a ghost of a smile on his face but the older can tell he’s suddenly uncomfortable.

“Soon.”

“How soon?” Baekhyun’s voice has a trace of doubt, “You’ve told me that so many times. You’ve been absent for almost a month now, won’t you get into trouble for this?”

Chanyeol sits up, but his eyes are glued to the sheets. He doesn’t know what to say because thinking about it only makes him remember all those scrutinizing looks for him the last time he went there. Even from the ones he thought were his friends. Everybody either looks at him with mock or pity. And he doesn’t like either.

“Don’t you just want to be with me?”

The other immediately shakes his head, “No. That’s not what I meant. You know how happy we are from all the things we’ve done and places we’ve been to. I’m just afraid that I’m keeping you away from things you really need to do.”

Chanyeol doesn’t answer. He feels a hand touching his cheek.

“Go back to university, please?”

He looks up to see Baekhyun’s pleading eyes. His tone is encouraging.

“For me?”

And again, how can he just say no?

“Okay…but not today.” he says when Baekhyun smiles in satisfaction, “I’ll go back on Monday.”

Baekhyun nods his head, “Alright. We can still go to somewhere I planned days ago.” he says while wiggling his eyebrows.

The younger creases his brows, not remembering anything they planned nor mentioned to him.

“Where?”

  

  

  

“So…” the big man stands in front of them, “Y’both getting a tattoo?”

Chanyeol’s eyes widen a bit.

“Not me.” Baekhyun answers with a smile before pointing at him, “Just him.”

_What?_

“What?”

“Alright, I’ll just prepare the needles. Please get your design ready too.” he says while chewing his gum. Chanyeol waits for him to leave for a while before he can react.

“Are you serious, hyung?” his heart is suddenly beating faster than how it should. He never thought about getting a tattoo before. And even so, he’s not too ignorant to know that it hurts.

“Don’t you want it?” he seems like he’s so down when he asked. Chanyeol doesn’t know if he’s faking it to make him guilty but either way, it’s working. “We can just leave if you don’t want it…”

“N-No, it’s fine.” he says and Baekhyun is beaming again, “I just…didn’t think of a design I want.”

“That’s why I’m here!” he jumps, “I have a design for you!”

His eyes squint.

“Hey, it’s not bad! Don’t you trust my judgement?” he unconsciously pouts when he sees Chanyeol’s reaction. It’s enough for the taller to calm his nerves down. He always find it cute how Baekhyun acts cool and composed all the time but unconsciously pouts in certain situations.

“Well it seems to me that you find all things beautiful, so…”

“Because they really are!” he says with a little pout, “Anyways, don’t worry. It’s dope, promise.”

But all the nervousness came back when the tattoo artist comes back inside, looking at them with anticipation. Chanyeol looks around the small shop lit with blue bulbs. He can barely see the pictures on the wall because of the intense blue color from the bulb. But he knows they’re the tattooing process he had done.

“You okay?”

 _“Fuck.”_  he cusses under his breath, “I heard this hurts like a bitch.”

“Don’t worry, it’s only a small one.”

He’s told to sit on the adjustable chair in the room. Chanyeol can hear them mumbling behind him, as if Baekhyun’s instructing the artist what to do. Chanyeol is now breathing through his mouth.

Baekhyun stands in front of him with an encouraging smile. Chanyeol worriedly looks at him.

“Ready?”

“Hyung…”

The pleading tone of his voice made Baekhyun raise his brows. He sighs heavily before crouching down to level his eyes with Chanyeol’s.

“Do you trust me?”

Chanyeol looks straight at him, still panting. He shuts his eyes for a while before nodding.

“I do.” he mutters back, “I trust you, hyung.”

The older breaks into a big smile.

“That’s it.” he taps his cheek, “Promise, you won’t regret.”

Chanyeol hears it like the first time. And even for the nth time, he nods.

_I know. I won’t._

Since Baekhyun didn’t notify him about any of this, he let Chanyeol choose where he wants to be inked. The taller chose the top center part of his back, just below his nape.

“Well…it hurts quite a lot here.” the tattoo artist warns him. Baekhyun looks at him, trying to weigh his thoughts but Chanyeol nods his head.

“It’s fine.”

He caught a glimpse of smile from Baekhyun because of this. Chanyeol takes off his shirt and leans on the chair. He felt the artist applying something on his skin. He gulps but tries to maintain his composure. He knows Baekhyun is watching him from the side.

“Jesus…” he grunts under his breath when the needle starts wounding his skin on the back. He clenches his jaw tight, the pain becomes a lot more intense whenever it digs deeper as if piercing down to his bone.

It’s even worse when he has no idea what Baekhyun designed for him. It’s an agony when he doesn’t know when or how long ‘til it ends.

It’s also not helping when Baekhyun is standing right at his side with his arms crossed over his chest, watching every frown he makes because of pain.

“You good?”

He exhales when the artist finally speaks after holding his breath for so long. He wipes the fresh tattoo on Chanyeol’s back before giving him a signal as finished. He points at the mirror on the side of the room where Chanyeol can check it out.

He’s still cringing from the pain that lingers on his skin as he walks towards it. He turns around and tilts his head to try and get a glimpse. Baekhyun is standing beside him with a smile on his face.

Chanyeol stares at it in awe.

“It’s…”

“A phoenix, yeah.” Baekhyun beams at him, “You like it?”

Chanyeol is still staring at it, noticing something more. Nonetheless he smiles back.

“It’s beautiful.” he looks at Baekhyun over his shoulder, “Thanks, hyung.”

The smaller only winks at him. It was too late for Chanyeol to react when he saw Baekhyun handing the money to the artist. They had to argue again on their way out.

“I insisted on this, so I’ll pay.” Baekhyun says, ending the topic. Chanyeol can only sigh in return. Baekhyun has been…spending a lot on him lately.

Chanyeol grabbed the chance to ask him when they stepped outside.

“Hyung…” he begins, “The phoenix…why is the wing broken?”

Baekhyun looks at him with brows raised. He looks like he wasn’t expecting to be asked on this.

“Well…” he sheepishly smiles, “It was actually inspired of your artwork. The broken-winged bird? That’s where I got it. I only made it into phoenix.”

Chanyeol smiles and nods, but he doesn’t let it end there.

“Why?”

Baekhyun bites his lower lip as he looks around, fixing his hair as the wind of the night blows against them.

“Why that?” he repeats.

The smaller looks at him, “Because it reminds me of you.”

Chanyeol doesn’t respond, utterly taken aback by his reason.

“You’re limited. You’re stopped by so many things. You can’t fly.” he says while his gaze travels anywhere but to Chanyeol. When he pauses, he finally looks back at him, “But you can, and you must. Because once you do, you can be up there, you know? Flying so high, being on top of everything, living your life without giving a shit to anyone who tries to pull you down. Set them on fire.” he chuckles, “I want you to always remember that so I had it marked on your skin forever, in case you ever forget.”

Chanyeol only looks at him, unable to respond. Baekhyun taps him with a smile on his face.

“When I told you that you have so much potential, I wasn’t lying.” he says, “I really believe in you, Chanyeol. And I hope you feel the same for yourself.”

He flashes him another lazy grin before walking ahead towards his car. Chanyeol remains standing on his spot for a while, the words echoing in his mind. His lips curved into a smile. There, he almost feels like living again. And along with it, he falls even more for the man of his dreams.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hyung, where are we?”

Baekhyun continues walking through the woods without giving him an answer. Chanyeol looks around the unfamiliar place and the fresh air surrounds them with nothing but the sound of birds around.

“I thought we’ll buy some stocks? Did you change your mind? Are we hiking again?”

The older only hums, walking in a faster pace that he needed to run just to reach him.

“Hyung!” he groans, “I swear, if this another cliff jumping, I will totally die!”

“Shut up, we’re almost there.”

Right then, Baekhyun’s pace becomes slower. He’s now walking towards a small lake with a bunch of tall trees surrounding it. On the corner of it is a house. It’s not completely standing on the ground but placed right on the waters. It has a small bridge leading from the grass to the deck of the house.

Chanyeol was too caught up with it that he didn’t notice Baekhyun facing him, anticipating his reaction.

“Fucking cool…” he mumbles, turning to Baekhyun. “Who lives here?”

Baekhyun exhales a huge breath after panting, a grin is etched on his face.

“Well…I’m not completely homeless like what I told you before.”

His jaw almost drops when he looks back at the boathouse then to Baekhyun again.

Baekhyun chuckles, “I bought a property here, long time ago. I came here every time I needed to unwind from work. When I haven’t gone here for a long time, I sent someone to maintain it. Good to see it’s still as good as before.”

“This is yours?” Chanyeol is still in shock, “You live here?”

The older smiles before nodding.

“We do.”

He looks back to the house, blinking a few times.

“Y-You want me to live with you here?”

“Why not?”

Chanyeol feels like he’s about to burst out of happiness. He could only dream about living with Baekhyun at a simple and quiet place he has always wanted. And now it’s all happening. Screw the fact that there’s nothing official about them yet, or that his feelings are the only one he’s certain of. He’s not sure if Baekhyun feels the same about him, but he just keeps falling more and more.

“Do you like it?” Baekhyun smiles while raising his brows.

“I…love it.” Chanyeol gulps, “Thank you, hyung.”

“Nah, it’s nothing.” he grins, “We should put our things inside, we still need to go to the grocery.”

Chanyeol doesn’t know what he did good to deserve all of this but he’s not complaining. It’s the satisfaction he wants, for him and for his life. And he can’t wait to tell the friends he hasn’t seen for so long about the things that happened to him. He can’t wait to finally tell Sehun that he’s seen a boathouse and he’s even living in it. But he knows he can’t. At least not just yet.

He just misses them. A lot. But Baekhyun makes him feel complete somehow.

 

 

  

Everything was suddenly a blur.

When Chanyeol arrives at the university on a Monday afternoon, he thought everything is finally normal. He thought it'll have to be the same shitty day for him where everyone, including his friends, will ignore him like they did the last time he went to school.

But what shook him the most is when he arrives in the classroom and everyone is quiet. His gaze immediately falls on the people he should be finding, and there they are, looking distraught as ever. He looks at Junmyeon who is shedding silent tears on his seat, being tapped on the back by Jongdae who's crying as well. Jongdae looks at the door and met Chanyeol's confused gaze. Right then, he breaks down even more.

"Jongdae..." Chanyeol could feel his knees wobbling as he walks closer to where they are. His heart thumps hard against his chest when he remembers the date today. He has an idea, but he refuses to accept it.  _He will never accept it._ He looks at the empty seat on the third row of the room, "D-Dae, what's going on?"

Jongdae couldn't even answer. He's sobbing so hard that gained more sympathetic looks from their classmates around them. Chanyeol's eyes went to Jongin, who's not crying but is looking at the empty space without even blinking. Their last argument was long forgotten when Chanyeol demands for an answer.

"Jongin..." Chanyeol kneels in front of him to meet his gaze, "What's happening, Jongin? W-Where's Sehun?"

Jongin looks straight to his eyes before shaking his head as tears start streaming down his cheeks too.

Chanyeol weakly sits on the floor, his hand trying to hold his weight as his breath hitched.

 

  

 

 _"Baby I'm on my way to your university. Are you there? Please say something if you can hear me."_ he hears a voice as soon as he pressed the button of the walkie talkie,  _"I'm so worried. Please tell me you're fine."_

He pressed it off again. He's not. He's not fine.

His friend died. A person who had been there for him for so many years just died in an instant. And Chanyeol wasn't even able to see or talk to him before he was gone.

He was his hyung. Sehun treated him like his older brother. And despite everything that happened to them, he believed in him.

It hurts...so much.

_"It was a car crash, Hyung...right before his Fatum." Jongin cries on his shoulder as he clutches his shirt, "I-I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."_

Chanyeol remains seated at the back of the building. His tears won't even stop. It's even worse when Sehun's sad eyes looking at him was the last memory he had of him when he was ignoring them.

It's been so long since he was hurt this bad. And the fear he had before seems to come back to him this time. The fear of uncertainty for his life.

It felt like it was years. Because once the fear came back, the voices he thought were long gone, started coming back again as well.

**_"You let him die."_ **

**_"Why were you not there?"_ **

**_"Watch your friends die one by one."_ **

His teeth are gritted, bloodshot eyes looking straight onto the floor.

"Chanyeol..."

His eyes remained glued to the ground. He can only see the brown shoes walking closer to him. When he remains unresponsive, the man sits in front of him, trying to get him look at his face.

"Chanyeol, what happened?" he asks while he holds Chanyeol's face. When he sees his eyes filled with fear and pain, Baekhyun leans closer to hug him. "What's wrong? Chanyeol..." the younger had his face buried on his chest, his heavy sobs as his only response.

  

   

   

"Yeol..."

Chanyeol keeps his eyes closed. He feels the bed thumping behind him when he doesn't answer. He smells the familiar scent when Baekhyun wraps his arms around him, hugging him from behind to give him the comfort he needs. But right now, anything doesn't work at all.

"Please eat, baby. You haven't eaten anything today..." he mumbles against his back.

He opens his eyes. Chanyeol removes the arm around him to turn and face Baekhyun.

"Eat." Baekhyun almost pouts, attempting to make him smile but he doesn't.

"Hyung." he calls, voice still hoarse. "I'm such a terrible friend."

Baekhyun only stares at him, as if expecting him to say such thing. Chanyeol's brows furrow, he feels his gut clenching and it's hard to talk again.

"I-I told you before...Sehun was one of the most carefree people I knew." he says weakly, "He was marked but he didn't give a shit about it. He has always lived his life to the fullest. Why did he have to die like that? W-Why him?"

Baekhyun combs his hair gently, hushing him. He puts his arm under Chanyeol's head so that he can lay on him while he pulls the younger's arm to wrap it around his body.

"People come and go, Chanyeol." Baekhyun mumbles against his hair, "I know he lived a full life, and you're one of the reasons why he did."

Chanyeol didn't answer. Baekhyun started to think that he has fallen asleep on his chest but he talks after a while.

"I'm so afraid..." he whispers under his breath, "What if I die soon? What if one of my friends follow?"

He only listens, caressing Chanyeol's face to help him calm down.

"What could've I done if you're marked too? I wouldn't know what to do if you were given an ultimatum too, hyung..." he buries his face on his chest, "I don't want to lose anyone again. Especially you, hyung.  _Not you..._ "

His embrace becomes tighter, unable to notice how Baekhyun spaces out for a bit.

 

 

  

When he wakes up, he honestly doesn’t have any idea what time or day it is. All he can see from the window is the darkness outside, indicating it’s almost the end of the day. His head hurts a lot. It feels as if something’s hammering it from the inside because of the oversleeping he did.

He calls Baekhyun’s name from the room, hoping he’s only in the kitchen, making some food for his rumbling stomach. Though the response was a bit of a yell, telling Chanyeol he’s in the living room.

His eyes are only half-opened, hand still rubbing his neck as he lazily walks to the living room. As he got there, he doesn’t even notice Baekhyun smiling at him while he sits on the couch, a couple of paper bags beside him.

“Where have you been?” he asks, still sleepy, “You always leave when I’m―I―” Chanyeol’s eyes widen, freezing on the spot even if it’s only a meter away from Baekhyun.

“Do you like it?”

He is dumbfounded, eyes travelling on the pile of canvases in different dimensions over the table. Right behind the smirking Baekhyun is a 300 x 350 cm pre-stretched canvas placed on a wooden frame. On the floor are tubs of both acrylic and oil paints varying in colors. Right then, he figured out that the bags beside Baekhyun are filled with brushes, turpentine and palettes.

Is this…

“It’s for you, Yeol.”

He couldn’t believe it. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine himself making his art with these heavenly materials. The average canvas and a few oil paints already cost him his weekly allowance and he doesn’t even want to think how much all of these must cost.

It’s too much.

“B-Baekhyun-hyung, you didn’t…” he lets out a sheepish chuckle, “You didn’t have to…”

“Come here, check this out!” Baekhyun doesn’t even hear what he says, excitedly pointing at the bags beside him.

Chanyeol slowly walks to the couch to sit beside him, still looking at the materials around him. He's a bit afraid that they will suddenly disappear then he’ll wake up from his sleep.

“I never thought shopping for art materials could be this fun!” the smaller exclaims, jumping on his seat closer to him. “They even let me try acrylic painting at the store! Although  _of course_ ―it looked like shit but it’s really fun!”

Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol in front of him, who’s smiling a little while watching him talk. His smile slightly fades off when he doesn’t get the reaction he expected.

“What’s the matter?” he asks in concern, “Are these not the things you use?”

Chanyeol shakes his head, “No…it’s…” he almost mumbles, “I just can’t accept this, hyung. It’s too much.”

Baekhyun’s face straightens.

“Too much?”

He gulps when he hears the seriousness in Baekhyun’s voice. He doesn’t want to reject him. He wants all of these but it’s not right to accept them all when everything only came from Baekhyun.

“I want to see you do what you love, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun says, “It’s not too much at all.”

“B-But these things cost too much…:”

“I thought we already talked about this?” he asks, placing the bags on the floor to shift closer to him. “I’ll spend money however I want it. You don’t have to feel like you’re forcing me to spend on you. I let you move in with me and I give you things because I want to.” he said, obviously downhearted by what he got as a response.

Chanyeol watches Baekhyun look at the things around them, brows slightly furrowed as if his mood is completely spoiled. He felt even worse.

He faces the smaller guy, placing his hand over his torso as he buries his face in his neck.

“Sorry…” he mumbles and kisses his cheek, “I was just too overwhelmed by all of this. I’m just not used to…having all of this without starving myself to death, hyung.” he chuckles and lets his nose touch his ear to which Baekhyun eerily moves his head away.

He tilts his head and faces Chanyeol to look at him in the eyes.

“I just don’t want you sad.” he says, making Chanyeol’s heart rummage against his chest with those eyes and gentle voice soothing him. “I…really am, trying to make you happy.”

He smiles, eyes falling on the lips in front of him.

“I am happy, Baek…” he mutters, earning a frown from the other when he suddenly dropped the honorifics. “You know I am. Just being here with you is everything to me.”

Baekhyun scrunches his nose, pursing his lips to prevent a smile.

“Aren’t you a sweet talker?”

Chanyeol grins, “I was taught by the best.” he leans forward, trying to lock Baekhyun between his arms. “Plus, I’m a sweet lover too.” he starts placing kisses on his neck again, murmuring against his skin while his hands roam all over Baekhyun, “I give the best  _thank you_ gifts…”

“Thank you, huh?” Baekhyun gladly offers his neck, letting Chanyeol take his time devouring him there. “Sorry to burst your bubble, but this isn’t entirely free. You’ll have to work hard to give the paintings I want and―” he pauses to wheeze when Chanyeol bites him on his collarbone, “―I’ll give you strict deadlines for that.”

“I love deadlines.” he whispers against his lips before kissing him quick and deep, “So you’re like my boss, and I’m only your indigent little painter.” he continues to talk, weighing Baekhyun’s  _no longer soft_  stare at him, now filled with impatience.

“Yes, now don’t keep your boss waiting and start undressing me,  _mere_  servant.” he goes along but Chanyeol can tell he’s done enough waiting now based on how tight his grasp is on Chanyeol’s thigh.

“And  _sex_ is the extra work?” he asks again, laughing when Baekhyun clicks his tongue in annoyance, unbuckling his belt by himself. “Or the artwork is?” he smirks wider.

“For a servant, you’re irrepressibly talkative.” he retorts before pulling Chanyeol towards him. 

 

* * *

 

“My condolences, Ma’am.” Sehun’s mother looks at them with tears in her eyes, “He’s been a brother to us.”

Junmyeon took courage to speak for the rest of them. Chanyeol only stands behind him, his eyes are fixed on the large photo in front of the casket. The smile he’ll never get to see again.

They sit on the bench behind his relatives. No one is talking among them and Jongin is crying beside him again. Like Chanyeol, Junmyeon and Jongdae only stare at the picture of Sehun, not crying but their eyes are tired.

Chanyeol swallows the lump in his throat as he strives to convince himself that his friend is really gone, for good. Among all of them, Sehun is the one he was closest to. The one that treated him like a real brother.

For the past few weeks, he’s been so happy with Baekhyun. After so many years, he gets to be free.  _To feel alive._ He thought the fear in him is completely gone. He thought he can finally dismiss the fact that his fate is uncertain. But after this happened, Chanyeol’s old self slowly succumbs back to him. He’s back to square one.

Because if Sehun who had the chance to know when to prepare himself, still met his fate this way, then what about Chanyeol? What if death is just around the corner, waiting to get him through the worst ways he could imagine?

Especially Baekhyun. Chanyeol doesn’t only need to protect himself, but his hyung as well. He can never afford to lose him.

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun immediately asks after waiting for him outside the funeral hall. He only nods as a response. Baekhyun smiles at him to lift his mood up.

“Do you remember what you said to me?”

The younger’s brows crease in confusion, “I said a lot.”

“About an image you really want to paint?” he’s hiding something behind his back and Chanyeol is too tired to try and see it, “But you said you haven’t seen the bird’s eye view of this town yet.”

He suddenly remembers the artwork where he’s having a difficulty to get inspiration, “Yeah? What about that?”

“We’re at the right place!” he excitedly says.

“Okay…?” Chanyeol slowly nods despite the vagueness of what he said. Baekhyun remains smiling at him so he reaches for his hand, “Let’s go home, hyung.” he adds, not wanting to stay out for too long. He’s too tired to comprehend anything now.

He pulls his hand but Baekhyun remains steady on his spot. Chanyeol raises a brow at him.

“Hyung.”

“This will be quick, promise!” he says that makes Chanyeol even more confused, “Wait for me in the car, alright?” he doesn’t have a chance to react when Baekhyun runs away from him.

He watches him disappear from his sight without having a single idea where he’s about to go. Chanyeol decides to just leave the building and wait for him in the car like he said.

Chanyeol is still spacing out a bit when he got outside. The atmosphere inside drained all the energy left in him and all he wants is to go home. Baekhyun is already taking too long to come back.

Another minute passed when Chanyeol starts looking around to find signs of him. He clicks his tongue when the person who got out of the building isn’t Baekhyun again.

_“Hey!”_

He stands up straight when he hears a shout. He looks for the voice around him but doesn’t see Baekhyun,  _“Here!”_

Chanyeol’s heart starts beating so fast when he sees Baekhyun on the edge of the rooftop above him. He can see a part of the sole of his shoe, implying how dangerous it is from where he stands. There’s a Polaroid in his hand. He’s smiling but Chanyeol can’t do the same. Not when he’s palpitating and breathing heavily because of so much nervousness.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” he shouts back, almost angrily, “ _F-Fuck…_ GET BACK HERE, HYUNG!”

 _“Wait! I’ll take more shots!”_ he waves, unaware of how Chanyeol begins to lose his mind down there. His knees feel weak just by looking at Baekhyun and imagining what if he falls from there.

**_“He’ll fall. He’ll die. Do something. He’ll die.”_ **

“HYUNG! GET AWAY FROM THERE I’M FUCKING SERIOUS!” a few people around him start noticing the commotion but he doesn’t care. Baekhyun won’t even listen to him. He still manages to look at the photo he took and fan it from the dangerous edge where he stands. Chanyeol’s eyes are getting teary, he combs his hair with so much frustration. The demons are back in his head, making it all worse.

**_“He’ll fall from there. He’ll die right in front of you.”_ **

He had to endure more minutes of watching Baekhyun recklessly stand on the fucking rooftop before he sees him step down from there. And along with it, the voices came back as if they’re already screaming at him. God knows how afraid he was, after all the stress and thoughts he’s been having recently, Baekhyun’s impulsiveness isn’t helping at all.

He hasn’t seen him for a while before he hears his voice now coming from the building’s exit.

“I took several of―”

“What the  _fuck_ were you thinking, hyung?!” Chanyeol snaps with his jaw clenched, “Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?!”

Baekhyun looks at him in surprise. He isn’t able to retort quickly.

“I wasn’t gonna fall from there, Chanyeol!”

“And if you did?! Huh?” his eyes are raging, “What’s gonna fucking happen if you did fall from there?!”

“I was just taking photos!” Baekhyun’s voice becomes a lot lower because of the younger’s shouting, “It’s for your artwork…I thought you’ll be able―”

“Well I don’t fucking need it!” he cusses before hopping in the car and slamming the door right after. Baekhyun is left speechless from where he stands before following inside as well. 

  

* * *

 

Chanyeol immediately hops out of the car without a word. His face still flashes the same distaste from what happened and Baekhyun doesn't try opening it up in the car. He wanted to reach the boathouse first before trying to talk to him.

He starts thinking of the right words to say while he walks in the woods leading to the lake. He figures out Chanyeol must've ran to the boathouse to lock himself up again.

When Baekhyun arrives inside, he sees Chanyeol in the kitchen, his back facing him. His hand is rested on the sink while he gulps from a glass of water. Baekhyun takes a deep breath to make his presence known.

"Yeol..." he gently calls, earning him nothing but a cold glance from the other. "I'm sorry."

Chanyeol harshly puts down the glass before walking past him to the bedroom. Baekhyun gulps before following him. Obviously, Chanyeol is really mad about what he did to ignore him this much.

"I was just fooling around, Chanyeol." Baekhyun tries to lighten up the atmosphere with a chuckle, "Of course I wouldn't really let myself fall from there―"

"I was so  _fucking_ scared, Baekhyun!" Chanyeol shouts at him, "If you kill yourself because you're  _fooling around_  then what do you think will happen to me, huh? We're not marked, hyung! Anytime! Any goddamn time, we can die!"

Baekhyun isn't able to say anything. He only looks at Chanyeol, who's panting heavily in front of him.

"Did you even know how afraid I was back there? You don't! You only think about yourself!" Chanyeol's deep voice echoes within the thin walls surrounding them, "You’re making it worse for me and I'm so  _fucking_ tired of losing everyone in my life so stop pulling that shit hyung!"

He jumps on the bed and pulls the blanket over him before turning his back from Baekhyun. He doesn't hear anything from him after everything he said.

He only realizes everything he said when it’s done and Baekhyun is now looking on the floor with a forced smile on his face, stiffed on his place.

But he doesn’t mean it. Any of it.

"Okay." the older quietly says after a while, "I'm just...gonna go somewhere first."

He hears Baekhyun say before the door of the room closes followed by the main door of the boathouse.

Chanyeol stares into space as silence covers him. He recalls everything the voices were screaming in his mind a while ago, his heart is still beating in rage against his chest. He was just so afraid. Losing Baekhyun scares him so much and it feels like Baekhyun doesn't even understand him.

 

* * *

 

Baekhyun didn’t come home for more than a day, and as much as Chanyeol wants to stand by his decision that he’s mad, he’s also starting to worry to death. He’s sure that Baekhyun only wants to give him the space he needs, but it’s just making him more agitated. Not seeing him even for a little while drives Chanyeol insane.

He spent the entire day sitting in front of the boat house, sketching the Prague Astronomical Clock photo he found long time ago. It is mainly to take his mind off Baekhyun and get inspiration for his next work. Earlier, he finds a journal from Baekhyun’s things and unintentionally read a list of dates and far places Baekhyun needs to go. He figured out it must be for finding Hera before. Though it was an old writing, he can’t help getting worried. What if Baekhyun got fed up with him and left? It bothered him a lot.

It was quarter to seven in the evening and Chanyeol is still sitting on the boat house door. Tapping the pencil on his chin, he couldn’t repress the worry filling him up inside.

When he hears a movement somewhere in the bushes, he straightens up from his seat. Not long after, he saw the familiar figure walking close to where he is, Chanyeol kept his lips pursed to suppress the sigh of relief he badly wants to let out.

He watches Baekhyun walking towards the boat house, keys clanking in his hand. He kept his eyes on the grass, as if not letting them fall on him. When he reaches the deck, he finally looks at Chanyeol who’s quietly watching him with a pencil on his hand.

“Hey,” he timidly smiles, “what are you doing out here?”

Chanyeol doesn’t smile back. He wants to do what he usually does, stand up, hug him, ask him silly things, but he can’t. He doesn’t know what to say after everything he told him yesterday.

“Sketching.” he answers, still watching Baekhyun who’s stiffly standing in front of him.

Chanyeol puts his legs down on the floor to give Baekhyun the space to sit. The smaller glanced at him before sitting inches beside him. The distance itself left a pang in his chest.

“W-Where have you been?”

He sees Baekhyun shaking his head, avoiding his gaze.

“Just…thought I should leave for a while.”

He had to fight the strong urge to touch him, and he curses the fact that they still haven’t properly talked. If this is the consequence of having arguments then he never want to have one with Baekhyun again. It  _kills him._

“Why? This is your house.” the bitterness in his voice was audible, “If there’s someone who should leave, then it’s me.”

Baekhyun looks straight at him.

“I’m really sorry.”

Chanyeol feels a warmth pooling in the corner of his eyes. He doesn’t know why, or maybe he just couldn’t accept it.

“I should’ve let go of my reckless actions considering you’re with me. I wasn’t thinking how hard it affects you…” Baekhyun mumbles, “You were right, I was only thinking about myself.”

The lump in his throat is growing every time Baekhyun speaks another word.

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol.”

He doesn’t bother thinking about everything when he shifts closer to Baekhyun and hugs him tight. Baekhyun doesn’t hug him back for a split moment, as if taken aback by it as well. When Chanyeol clutches him closer, his arms finally snake their way around his waist.

“Don’t leave again, please…”

Baekhyun places his chin over his nape, caressing his hair from the back, “I won’t.”

“I didn’t mean to say all of that…”

He pulls away, looking straight into Baekhyun’s eyes. He takes a moment staring at them before embracing him again.

“Do you feel like…” he starts off, gulping as he paused. “I’m taking your freedom away from you, hyung?” he buries his face on his chest, “Do you get tired of me because you can’t do fun things anymore?”

Baekhyun laughs lightly because of this, his hand found its way to Chanyeol’s ear, tugging it softly like how he usually does.

“Aren’t you my fun thing?” he asks with humor before placing a kiss on top of his head, “I will never get tired, baby.”

Chanyeol had a lot of doubts, for himself, for this setup. But it was the only thing he needs to hear, the place he’d rather be at, and the only person he needs for him to be fine.

* * *

 

“How do you do that?” he hears a question behind him, “When you just like… _throw_ the paint on the surface and it splatters perfectly?”

Chanyeol grins without looking behind him, eyes still focused on the canvas in front.

“Magic.”

He hears Baekhyun snorting behind him and he can easily imagine the frown on his face. The younger likes it so much when Baekhyun is the one curious about his hobbies and how he does them. He finds it fun either answering his questions enthusiastically or making fun of him first.

He decides to begin his work on the largest canvas Baekhyun bought for him. It was almost the size of the wall and he’s starting it off with the abstract background he visualized. Although, the main image of it has yet to be completed in Chanyeol’s mind. He had a lot to think about these past few days that it became hard for him to come up with ideas that strike his interest.

He uses a bigger brush to introduce the colors, deciding to use the smaller ones to emphasize the little details later on. He’s in his painting clothes, according to Baekhyun which are― _sexy clothes._ Baekhyun insists that the dirty and paint-stained old white shirt makes him look more like an artist, focused and  _hotter_ than he already is. Chanyeol only has to roll his eyes.

“Did you just use your finger to create that effect?” Chanyeol almost jumps in surprise when he realizes Baekhyun is still there watching him after a long silence, “Oh my god, can you do that again?”

He sighs before dropping his hand that holds the brush to his side. He looks behind him, seeing Baekhyun sitting on the couch with his legs curled up in his arms and watching him like a movie. He watches the canvas with mouth slightly ajar, blinking a few times when he realizes that Chanyeol had stopped to look at him. His face straightens and forms into a frown as if caught in the act.

Chanyeol is just so smitten.

“Alright, sorry.” he mumbles, lips slightly pouted. “I was just curious. Go on now, I’ll shut up.”

“Come here.” his deep voice woke something up in Baekhyun that he remains glued on his seat, “Baekhyun-hyung.”

“What?” he asks in confusion. Chanyeol only nods once as if persuading him to come, “Why? I don’t want to!”

“I’ll just show you how it’s done, come on!”

He stomps his feet on the floor, pretending he isn’t thrilled about it. He sighs while walking to Chanyeol’s side, continuing to try to look nonchalant as if Chanyeol is convinced.

“ _Ugh,_  stop acting as if you weren’t watching me like I was Van Gogh resurrected a while ago, hyung.”

Baekhyun catches him smiling before looking back to the canvas in front. Chanyeol picks up the palette and gently dips the brush in the white acrylic paint. He traces the main lines he wanted to emphasize, letting the thick paint slowly drip throughout the process. He could only hear Baekhyun’s breathing beside him. Chanyeol’s brows are slightly crossed, his face is completely serious. Right then, he puts the palette down before using both his thumbs to spread the color all over the place. It produced a beautiful hue between white and golden brown.

He steps back and looks at Baekhyun who’s in awe. He had to grin because of the reaction.

“That’s amazing…”

Chanyeol squints his eyes, “I love the face you make when you’re amazed.”

Baekhyun clicks his tongue, suppressing a grin as he looks at him.

“You are utterly obsessed with me, aren’t you?”

The taller only shrugs, refusing to even deny it.

Baekhyun picks up different tubs of colors from the floor. He examines each one of them while Chanyeol continues with his work. He almost pouts again when the attention was short-lived.

“I am such a terrible painter,” Baekhuyn murmurs, watching Chanyeol with both his hands on his chin. “I probably couldn’t even paint a hotdog for Pete’s sake.”

“No one paints a hotdog, hyung.” Chanyeol answers, still focused on painting.

“I will never be as artsy as you are…” he adds with the same tone, “I’m suddenly ashamed of myself.”

Chanyeol looks at him because of this. Baekhyun is watching him, eyes slightly sleepy, but he sits on the floor with his eyes on the younger.

“What are you fussing about?” he asks with a hum. He goes back to his canvas but continues to answer Baekhyun, “It’s normal, hyung. You can’t have it all. At least there’s something where I’m better than you.”

He snorts, “You must’ve been so threatened if I could paint that good.”

Chanyeol steps back to check the whole progress, lips pursed as he hums. “No, I would’ve just gone nuts for you even more.”

Baekhyun smirks, “And aroused?”

“And aroused.”

He smiles wide when he hears what he wanted to hear. He stands up from the floor and wipes his hands on the back of his pajamas.

“But Chanyeol…” he mumbles quietly while standing behind him, “I want to try…”

“Hmm,” Chanyeol only hums, not even bothering to look at him. “Yeah you do.”

“Can I try?” Baekhyun tries to persuade him but his attention doesn’t even leave the canvas. Baekhyun frowns, “Just your shirt then, I’ll paint on your shirt!”

“Yeah.”

He realized he couldn’t really get Chanyeol’s attention off the canvas no matter how hard he tries. Sitting back on the floor again, Baekhyun grabs a brush from a tub of water and dips it in a yellow oil paint. He doesn’t even know what the hell he is doing but he sure is enjoying it.

Chanyeol flinches when he feels wetness on his back and he could tell that Baekhyun is already planning to mess up his already messed up shirt even more.

“Baekhyun-hyung.” like he expects, Baekhyun doesn’t even hesitate and continues to paint on his back, “Don’t put so much water on the brush. Dry it first on the corners of the tub before dipping it in the colors.”

“Alright!”

He continues to work, trying to ignore Baekhyun who’s clearly having fun behind him. Chanyeol scolds him every now and then but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Use a palette!” Chanyeol groans when he glances at Baekhyun dipping his brush directly in the tub and doesn’t even look apologetic for it, “Dip it in circular motion, hyung. Those brushes will end up with unkempt bristles.”

“Alright…” he answers back before repeating it all again. Chanyeol only shakes his head.

Baekhyun smiles victoriously when he sees the output of his work on Chanyeol’s shirt. His broad back gave him even more space to paint what he wanted. He sits back on the floor and gets a thick coat of paint with the brush before spreading it on his palm. He made sure every corner of it was covered.

“Hyung!” Chanyeol groans again.

“What?” he innocently blinks.

“You’re wasting it!”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, “I bought it!”

Chanyeol has no choice but to let him. He sighs as he watches Baekhyun completely staining his own palm, a satisfied look on his face.

“What are you gonna do with that?”

“Just continue with your work and don’t mind me here!” the older exclaims so he raises his hands to surrender before facing back the canvas.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see Baekhyun pressing his palm on the small blank canvas he found. Chanyeol couldn’t help smiling.

He repeated it again using other colors, the canvas had nothing but hand-shaped images on it. Chanyeol is in the middle of finalizing one corner of his work when he heard a static sound followed by a soft tune coming from behind. He tilts his head and sees Baekhyun standing in front of the old record player on the table. His clean hand managed to put a vinyl on it. He looks behind with a smile on his face, catching Chanyeol’s gaze.

Chanyeol lets out a groan when he recognizes the tune.

“God, I hate that song.”

Baekhyun pays no heed when he walks back to where he is, slowly swaying along the rhythm, knowing Chanyeol’s watching him anyway.

His eyes are directed to Chanyeol’s, a hint of tease in them. He sings along with the song as if talking to the man in front of him. Chanyeol laughs as he shakes his head.

 _“Yes, you, you're driving me crazy!”_  he points his paint stained finger to Chanyeol, making Chanyeol raise both his brows while grinning.  _“What did I do? What did I do?”_  he sings with his soothing voice, eyes still locked on the younger.

“Hyung.”

 _“My tears for you, make everything hazy.”_  Baekhyun stands in front of him, letting both his arms rest on Chanyeol’s shoulders,  _“Clouding the skies of blue…”_

Chanyeol shifts up from his seat to place a quick peck on his lips before sitting down again. Baekhyun leans down to chase the kiss, as if anticipating for a longer one. He pressed his body even closer to him, wrapping both his arms around his neck without his stained hand touching his skin.

“I still hate the song.”

“Can you finish up now? I want to sleep.” Baekhyun drowsily says, leaning his forehead onto Chanyeol’s.

“I should’ve been done a while ago but you decided to distract me with your impressive performing skills.”

“I was barely dancing.” Baekhyun smirks at him, “You’d be more surprised.”

“I won’t challenge you.” Chanyeol shifts on his seat to face his canvas again, Baekhyun’s arms are still placed on his shoulders. “Like I said, painting is the only thing I’m better than you. I’m a terrible dancer.”

“Didn’t you learn basic dance for your prom?” Chanyeol flinches a little when he felt Baekhyun’s breath against his ear, “If I knew you earlier then I could’ve taught you.”

Chanyeol absentmindedly chuckles, “Yeah, right. Prom in my room, you say.”

Baekhyun slightly pulls away to look at his face, “You didn’t experience going to prom?”

The younger pauses for a while, Baekhyun saw how he hesitated for a while before casually shrugging.

“Nope. Never.” he says without glancing at Baekhyun, “You know my mother.”

Baekhyun stands where he is, unable to respond for a while. Chanyeol continues what he’s doing but when he notices Baekhyun being so still, he finally looks at him and sees him watching him seriously. He lets him meet his gaze before uttering a question.

“What more did you miss growing up because of your mother?”

There was a glint of pain in Chanyeol’s eyes that quickly went away. He faces back to his work and shifts closer to it like nothing happened.

"Do you miss her?"

Chanyeol continues to paint as if he didn't hear it. Baekhyun watches how his lips pursed into a thin line.

Baekhyun leaves his side and walks away. He thought that maybe the older already decided to clean up and sleep so Chanyeol tries to bring his focus back to the canvas in front of him, suddenly unable to continue. He blankly looks at the unfinished work in front of him, the brush in hand hanging in space.

He hears another static sound, this time he looks behind. He sees Baekhyun beside the record player again, holding a vinyl with a slight dust on it. Chanyeol watches him gently making the needle touch the record before a soft instrumental starts playing.

When he turns to face Chanyeol, his face has that softest smile on it. The smile that makes him fall even more. He is struck on his seat even when Baekhyun’s already walking towards him.

“I’m the prom date you never had.” he says while reaching out for Chanyeol’s hand to get the brush away from him, “Dance with me?”

“Hyung…” Chanyeol mumbles when Baekhyun pulls him to stand up, “I told you…”

“I’ll guide you.” Baekhyun flashes him a cheeky smile while putting both his hands on his waist, “Like always.”

_Come away with me in the night_

_Come away with me, and I will write you a song_

“Just swing along the rhythm.” Baekhyun tells him as he puts his arms around his neck, “And look at me like I’m the prettiest thing you’ve seen.”

Chanyeol didn’t need to pretend.

_Come away with me on a bus_

_Come away where they can't tempt us, with their lies_

He follows Baekhyun’s movement. The cold breeze of the night comes through the open windows and sent shiver down to his spine. Right then, he feels Baekhyun’s warm hand caressing his nape, just enough to make him feel right.

Baekhyun’s eyes are on his chest, but he lets their forehead touch before he closes his eyes.

_So won't you try to come?_

_Come away with me and we'll kiss_

He eventually learns to follow the rhythm with his movements. Baekhyun pulls his head away and opens his eyes to look directly on him. And Chanyeol thinks to himself, when will he be able to read what his eyes say like how Baekhyun reads his?

“Thank you, Yeol.” he mumbles softly, “I just feel like…I should let you know how grateful I am that you’re here.”

Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol’s eyes, his expressive eyes that can always tell him what he’s thinking. For Baekhyun, there was never an instance he got tired of watching these doe eyes. His eyes were the first ones he noticed on Chanyeol when he first met him. It was one of the most beautiful pair of eyes he had seen. There’s always warmth and sincerity in them. And he always finds himself drowning in them whenever he stares too long.

“Do I make you happy, hyung?” Chanyeol asks him, “I want to know if I make you happy.”

Baekhyun lets out a light chuckle. He doesn’t answer Chanyeol but the way his arms hold him closer implies the answer.

“I want to be there, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun whispers, his voice almost getting drowned in the music. His hand travels from Chanyeol’s nape down to his arm until it reaches his hand where he intertwines them, “When you conquer your fears, I want to be there. I want to see it. I want to be with you, no matter how big they are.”

Chanyeol leans down to let their foreheads touch again. His shoulders are heaving as his other hand touches the smaller’s face. He leans closer until their noses are touching too. Chanyeol shuts his eyes tight as he swallows the lump in his throat to finally speak.

“I…” he whispers, feeling Baekhyun’s breath against his lips. “I love you, Baekhyun.”

They remain where they are for a while, Chanyeol had to catch his breath before opening his eyes to see Baekhyun staring at him. His heart skips a beat, not knowing if he should expect for an answer or not.

Baekhyun is equally stunned as him. And Chanyeol feels it, the urge for him to do something. Do something to prove what he said. He uses both his hands to hold Baekhyun’s face between them, kissing him softly. He doesn’t mind the stains on them. He doesn’t mind the unfinished and messed up painting.

He doesn’t mind the words that were left unanswered.

He just kisses him. And when he felt Baekhyun pressing himself closer to him to kiss him back deeply, he knew what he did was right.

Baekhyun almost falls because of the depth of the kiss they share. They were too preoccupied with the kiss that they almost lose their balance on the floor. Baekhyun has to hold on the nearest surface to stop himself from falling, completely forgetting that the one beside him is the large canvas with fresh paint. He pulls away from Chanyeol to see a yellow hand-shaped mark on the corner of the canvas.

“Shit!” he grabs Chanyeol’s shirt with the other hand, laughing hysterically when he realized what he’s done. “Yeol, your painting―”

“Damn you, hyung.” Chanyeol doesn’t even spare it a glance before pulling Baekhyun back to him and shut his loud laughter up by kissing him again. He’s aware his painting got messed up, but now isn’t really the time to give it attention when Baekhyun’s completely clinging onto his neck, nibbling his lip with his own.

Chanyeol wraps an arm around his torso to hold him in place, walking both of them to the nearest couch where Baekhyun effortlessly falls on his back with Chanyeol on top of him. He uses his leg to pull Chanyeol’s body against him. His swollen lips are parted, gasping for air when Chanyeol’s lips left them to move on his chin and neck.

He lets out a whimper when the taller found its way to his growing crotch, rubbing it with his hand while he places kisses all over his body. Chanyeol partly lifts him up to take his loose shirt off him. He holds on to his arms, weakened by the growing impatience in him whilst the younger touches him like how he wants it. His shorts soon follow when Chanyeol slides them down his legs. He shivers when he feels the cold air against his exposed flesh, a groan leaving his lips when Chanyeol parts his legs to kneel between them.

Chanyeol’s rough hands feel so good against his skin. Baekhyun can’t take it anymore.

“Chanyeol…”

The record player replays the same song because it was completely unattended. Nevertheless, it’s perfect. It makes everything better.

The younger places wet kisses from his chest down to his torso. It travels even deeper until Baekhyun is already squirming under him when he feels Chanyeol’s breath against his thigh.

“Let me take care of you, hyung.” he hoarsely says, his deep voice continues to do things to Baekhyun.

He goes back to Baekhyun lips, kissing him fully before whispering against his lips. “Let me love you...”

Baekhyun watches as he sits straight and slides his shirt through his head, strands of black hair covering his darkened eyes. With only his thin boxers on, he leans down between Baekhyun’s legs. He holds both his thighs with his arms to keep them still. Right then, he takes Baekhyun completely by his mouth. Slowly, he bobs his head deeper until his cock reaches his throat.

“ _Fuck_ …” his body arches forward when the younger starts moving his head up and down his leaking cock, “ _Ah Chanyeol…_ ”

Baekhyun has to grasp his shoulders tightly while his hip meets Chanyeol’s mouth in a slow thrust. His legs are trembling within Chanyeol’s hold, unable to handle the pleasure that shakes him to the core.

When Baekhyun twitches inside his mouth, Chanyeol decides to push through what he’s been thinking about. He lets his cock slip out of his mouth, leaving Baekhyun hanging for a while. He was sure he caught a glimpse of surprise in the smaller’s eyes before he pulls his body up.

“Turn around, hyung.” he says, voice still hoarse. “Lean on the edge of the couch.”

Baekhyun does as he is told despite his obvious questioning eyes. He gains courage to hold himself with both his arms as his back faces Chanyeol, his shaft still wet and hard under him.

Just the thought of having Chanyeol inside him gives Baekhyun shivers. He would be lying if he said he doesn’t want him, _want to feel him._

Chanyeol kneels behind him and kneads both his cheeks to spread them apart, he leans down to kiss a side of his bum. And when Chanyeol’s warm breath is against his hole, he bites his lip and holds onto the couch with all his might.

“Oh god…” he pants heavily. Chanyeol’s tongue traces the line of his rim, gripping his ass while he devours Baekhyun. “ _Jesus Christ,_ Chanyeol, w-where did you learn that?”

When the younger only hums against him, he trembles even more. Chanyeol can hear Baekhyun’s ragged breathing from the end of the couch, hips arching towards him as if meeting his tongue inside him.

“Touch yourself.” he commands and Baekhyun’s hand moves to his erected cock under him, touching himself to reach the climax he almost had a while ago. His cum splats on the sheets under them, staining his hand as well.

“C-Chanyeol…”

“Hmm?” he hums, his gaze not leaving Baekhyun’s bare back that is still facing him. He uses his long arm to reach for the pocket of his backpack on the floor.

Baekhyun bites his lip hard, gripping onto the edge of the couch in front of him as emptiness consumes him. He can only hear Chanyeol’s movements behind.

When he feels sticky fingers tracing the rim of his hole, his grunts are joined by a few cussing words under his breath. Chanyeol’s thick fingers feel so good inside him and he can only imagine more.

He feels Chanyeol’s warm breathing against the skin of his back, kissing him as he whispers. “What do you want, hyung?”

Baekhyun lets out a raspy breath.

“ _You._ ” his face starts scrunching in impatience, “I need you inside me, Chanyeol. I need to f-feel you…”

Chanyeol holds his hard shaft in his hand, stroking it a few times before placing the tip right where his puckered hole is. His large hand grabs Baekhyun by the waist before slowly thrusting inside. Baekhyun’s elbows and knees are wobbling as he tries to hold himself still. Chanyeol pushes in until he’s fully inside Baekhyun’s warmth, allowing him to adjust before he moves.

“ _H_ _yung…_ ”

His brows are furrowed, eyes are shut, and mouth parted as he starts rocking his hip back and forth. The night breeze blowing through the window feels cold against the thin sheet of sweat forming on his nape and temples. Baekhyun’s moans are getting louder as he arches his hip along with Chanyeol’s movements to meet his thrusts. It was as if he’s in a drunken state, trying his best to keep the pace under control. But with Baekhyun’s sinfully satisfying moans and grunts under him ordering him to fuck him faster and the way his muscle clench around the taller’s thrusting cock; Chanyeol eventually began slamming into him, balls deep.

“ _Fuck! Ah―Chanyeol!”_ Baekhyun’s throatily shouts, his face pressed against the couch as his body rocks faster. He reached for the other corners of the sofa to hold on to when his elbows can’t hold themselves anymore, chest pressed down while his ass arched higher. “ _Hngh―yes, ah!”_  he sobs, slightly drooling against the couch while tears start pooling on the corner of his eyes.

For the fourth time, the music plays on the record. This time, it goes along with Baekhyun’s moans and Chanyeol’s grunts. The soothing music completely got drowned by their own voices and breathing.

Chanyeol wraps both arms around his upper body, lifting him up as he continues to thrust. When his back touches his torso, he tilts his head to share a wet kiss. He feels himself nearing his climax. Baekhyun’s grabs him by the nape to kiss him back, breathing against his mouth as something in him starts clenching too, his cock pulsating against his stomach.

He holds his weight with his hands when Chanyeol lets go of his waist to bring his grip back on his globes, vigorously thrusting in him until he explodes in him with Baekhyun’s name escaping his lips. His eyes catch something on the side of Baekhyun’s hip but was too overwhelmed with the euphoric moment. Baekhyun cums again right after him, his body completely falling onto the couch from Chanyeol’s hold.

Still panting, Chanyeol takes the initiative to clean both of them this time. He grabs his shirt on the floor to wipe himself. Right then he proceeds to Baekhyun, who’s now lying on the couch with his eyes closed and chest still heaving. He wipes his shirt between his legs and on his torso. He doesn’t notice Baekhyun’s lips slightly curving to a smile despite not seeing him.

After finishing, Chanyeol falls on his back beside Baekhyun. The smaller man shifts to his side to face Chanyeol and tangles his leg around him while his arms do the same. Chanyeol puts his arm under Baekhyun’s head to embrace him around the shoulder. They seem to fit more in the couch with this position so they do it all the time. Sometimes he’s the one leaning on and embracing Baekhyun. Either way, there’s just something about being able to feel each other’s breathing and heartbeat that make them feel complete. It’s inexplainable how amazing it feels when Baekhyun’s bare skin is against him.

The song is about to end for the nth time. As they calm their hearts, they eventually learned to appreciate the song as well.

_And I want to wake up with the rain, falling on a tin roof_

_While I'm safe there in your arms_

Chanyeol watches Baekhyun peacefully breathing on his chest, his hand combs Baekhyun’s silver hair away from his face. From their position, he’s certain that Baekhyun can hear his heartbeat very well. Though this time, he doesn’t mind. It’s not something to deny anymore. He finally told him what it’s for.

“I just want to love you like this, hyung.” he wants to, he’s willing to. And if Baekhyun only says he feels the same and lets him, he doesn’t mind doing this for the rest of his unsure life. He never felt this sure. And it used to be so scary, but now it’s something he doesn’t worry about anymore.

Baekhyun embraces him tighter when the cold wind blew from the outside. His forehead touches Chanyeol’s chin while he seizes the moment in his hold.

_So all I ask is for you_

_To come away with me in the night, come away with me_

“Then why don’t you?” he softly mumbles before he sleeps. It was almost a whisper, almost blown away by the cold wind coming inside the small boathouse. But the way he said it echoes inside Chanyeol’s head. It gave him hope and the most genuine smile he ever had before drowsiness drifts him completely to his wonderland, not even bothering to care about the unfinished artworks, the music on the loop and their paint-stained bodies.

   

   

  

He’s an art.

And Chanyeol’s looking at his peaceful face, strands of his hair covering his eyes. It’s two in the morning and Chanyeol wakes up to see Baekhyun in the very same position he’s in before they slept, now snoring lightly. He would be lying if he says he doesn’t see himself sketching the art in front of him and fill it with colors that define him.

Right then, Chanyeol slowly slips himself out of Baekhyun’s arms. Still bare and exposed, he removes the vinyl then walks to his backpack and pulls out the sketchpad from the inside. If he successfully paints what he visualizes in his mind, it would make a good gift for Baekhyun. After all, he always has something to give Chanyeol.

Chanyeol can only love him. And draw him…at least.

He puts the pencil between his teeth to put his boxer shorts on first and pull the nearest chair in front of the couch. Chanyeol pushes back his messy black locks with his fingers before sitting on the chair with both his sketchpad and pencil in his hand. He glances at the clean sheet in front of him before staring longer at Baekhyun. After a little pause, he starts sketching faint lines.

From his barely visible black hair growing underneath, his long lashes, his nose that scrunches every time his hair falls down on it while he sleeps, his moles on his right temple and the tiny one on the upper right corner of his lips― Chanyeol wets his lip before leaning down to get the smallest detail with his pencil. When Baekhyun flinches a little because of the dream he is having, Chanyeol automatically pulls away too, afraid that he might wake him up and be caught red-handed.

He smiles when Baekhyun only shifts to another side, still in deep slumber. Chanyeol almost glances down to his pad when he catches something again. His soft smile slowly fades off.

Chanyeol freezes on the spot. And as much as he wants to refuse looking, as much as he wants to pretend he saw nothing, he stands up from his seat and looks closer to the side of Baekhyun’s hip. His grip on his sketchpad loosens up, making it fall on the floor.

His knees feel weak. He has to hold onto the chair beside him and sit for a while as his eyes remain on it. The one thing he despises. The one damn thing he never thought he’ll see again. And when Chanyeol earns the courage he strives to have, he picks his shirt up from the floor and runs out of the boathouse. He doesn’t succeed running too far away when he falls on his knees right at the deck. Tears start pooling on the corner of his eyes, something in his chest clenches so bad that it hurts a lot.

His shoulders heave as he tries catching a huge air of breath. For some reason, Chanyeol doesn’t want to make any sound. He doesn’t want to wake Baekhyun up and see him in this state.  _He doesn’t want to ask why._ He doesn’t want to hear what he’ll say. And he doesn’t want to accept anything.

He slowly walks to the edge of the boathouse, looking at his shadow in the lake. His tears won’t stop. Chanyeol curls his knees in front of him and hugs them with both his arms until they’re wet too. He doesn’t want it to happen and he doesn’t know how but everything suddenly starts making sense. Baekhyun’s plans, his future, and how Baekhyun really feels or thinks about him. And it fucking hurts so bad. Real bad.

Baekhyun never gave him any assurance and all this time, he was just assuming things up for himself to feel satisfied about their setup.

Chanyeol quietly sobs outside where it’s dark and cold. He has never felt so betrayed.

* * *

 

 _“Chanyeol, can you hear me?”_  he lays down on his back, static sound continues to play right above his head.

 _“I know we just talked the other night…but it was too quick.”_ he can hear him struggling to find the right words to say,  _“And I know I…said I don’t have any right to…but can we please at least meet? I really want to talk to you…and your canvases are all here. Your clothes are here…”_

Chanyeol blankly stares on the red ceiling above him, passing the stress ball back and forth his hands.

 _“To be honest, I felt a bit upset when I woke up that morning and you weren’t there. You only left a note. I expected you would talk to me before you go home.”_ Chanyeol doesn’t even know why Baekhyun is still continuing even when he’s not answering at all. What if he wasn’t really there? His effort could’ve gone to waste.

But then…maybe Baekhyun really knows. He always does.

 _“You should’ve woken me up. I could have driven you to your house. I don’t understand why you were in such a hurry…”_  Chanyeol smiles sarcastically when he hears the pain in Baekhyun’s voice, his grip on the stress ball tightens.  _“Is something wrong, Chanyeol? Are you mad at me? I could guess it from your voice the other night. It doesn’t sound like…you.”_

He chuckles before throwing the stress ball to the wall where it only bounces back to where he is. Chanyeol gulps when he feels the lump forming in his throat.

 _“I don’t know if you can hear me but…”_  Baekhyun’s voice becomes faint, as if trying not to break throughout his words.  _“I miss talking to you…it’s been weeks. I miss having you around.”_

Chanyeol lets out another sarcastic laugh. He harshly wipes the warm liquid that fell on his cheek before walking out of the door he slammed close right after. The empty room was left with only static noises and words left unheard.

_“I miss you, baby…please…come home to me.”_

 

  

 

The bushes feel itchy against him, but he doesn’t mind.

He stood straight meters away from the house he hasn’t seen for a long time. There was nothing with him but a single thing. Chanyeol blankly stares at the house,  _it was once his home._ But then he asks, what’s his home now?

Does he have one?

Right then, he sees a woman come out of the door with a bag of trash in her hand. She still looks the same but the bags under her eyes seem to be more visible than before. Her face flashes the same cold and unapproachable expression, but Chanyeol sees the loneliness beneath it.  _Why?_ He thinks to himself, she should be happy right? That he’s gone?

He doesn’t move from where he is to avoid getting her attention. Even so, his face is hidden underneath the thick black hoodie he sneaked out from the few pairs of clothes he brought with him. As soon as she gets inside to get something, Chanyeol walks to the front of her door, he puts the thing he brought down the floor before silently walking away. He didn’t bother looking back.

When his mother came out again and saw the fresh daisies in front of the door, she wasn’t able to suppress a sob. She was uttering words of longing, but like the other, they were left unheard as well.

 

  

 

_Four thousand, five thousand…six…_

The few bills in his hand had Chanyeol sighing heavily. He holds the small paper bag between his arms while he tries to mentally compute if six thousand five-hundred Won is enough for him to live until Saturday. To think he still has three days left. He decides he has to get another job. He needs to.

He tries to clear his mind before putting back the bills in his pocket. He goes up a few more steps before reaching the room of the inn he sleeps at. There’s still a few more steps left when he stops because of someone standing right in front of his door.

Something in Chanyeol’s chest starts jumping. It is as if something in him is brought to life but killed again right after. It is hard to keep control over his system when every part of him internally screams for his name. But he knows better. When he continues to step towards the door with his calm and collected face, he knows he did well.

“Hyung.”

Baekhyun stares at him without saying anything. But worry and longingness are written all over his face. It is obvious how badly he wants to jump on Chanyeol and hug him tight but the reaction he got showed him his limits.

He looks at Chanyeol’s worn out face, his baggy clothes, his bony cheeks that used to be chubby which he liked to pinch, thin strands of hair growing above his lips and his tired eyes. There was an inexplicable pang in his chest.

Chanyeol sees this and avoids his gaze. He didn’t expect he’ll have to face Baekhyun again. He doesn’t even know how he found him, and now he has no idea how he’ll face him like this.

But he should’ve stopped caring.

“What brings you here?”

Baekhyun waits for him to open the door of his room before following him inside. He took the initiative to close the door before looking around the small room. There is nothing in it but a bed and Chanyeol’s messy things in one corner. He watches and waits for Chanyeol to finish unpacking the food he brought on the small side table. When he finishes, he still doesn’t look at him.

“I thought you went home to your mother?” Baekhyun gently asks him, “That’s what you said on the note. I went to your house but you weren’t there.”

Chanyeol smiles a bit while listening to him, but unlike before, there is no humor in it.

“Well, yeah.”

He doesn’t even bother explaining to him. And Baekhyun has never been so sure that something upsets him.

“Chanyeol, what’s wrong?” he desperately asks. Chanyeol remains seated on the edge of the bed while he stands a meter away from him. Even the distance kills him inside. They used to never let go of each other, “Have I done something?”

He continues to fake a smile, eyes on the floor instead of Baekhyun. When he didn’t answer, Baekhyun walks to the bed and sits beside him, maintaining a gap between them. He lets out a deep breath before trying to hold Chanyeol’s hand.

“Baby p―”

“Don’t touch me.”

He pulls back when Chanyeol flinches with his touch. Chanyeol looks away, body still pressed on the corner of the bed. He doesn’t want to see the pain in Baekhyun’s eyes. He might not be able to stand by what he said.

“Just…leave, hyung.” His shoulders heave. The pain from that night weeks ago starts coming back to him just by simply looking at Baekhyun, “Don’t try to see me again.”

Looking at him brings back a lot of memories he treasures. And that’s what makes it even more painful.

“Why?” Baekhyun’s voice is as faint as it was a while ago, “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

Chanyeol’s jaw hardens. He stands up from the bed, unable to take it anymore.

“And? You’ll fix it?” he almost spits his word, “I don’t fucking need your help all the time! I’m so done with you trying to shove it to my face how you’re good at everything! How you always have your way!” he breathes heavily, his eyes are glistening. “You proved it now, didn’t you? You felt how superior you are when you met a fucked up person like me!”

“Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s calls, his voice trembles. He knows this isn't the exact reason.

“Don’t act as if you really cared about me!” Chanyeol bites his lip when a sob tries to escape his lips, “You were bored. You needed someone to keep you entertained and how convenient it was when you  _fucking_  found me, right?”

Baekhyun remains seated on the bed. He still looks calm like he always is but the hands on his lap are trembling. He figured it out. It wasn’t hard by only looking at Chanyeol’s eyes filled with rage and pain. He swallows before talking.

“You found my mark, didn’t you?”

Chanyeol leans on the wall behind him, an exhausted smile forms on his face while tears continue to pool his eyes.

“W-Why did you have to trick me like that, hyung?”

His heart crashes into pieces when he hears the pain in Chanyeol’s voice. It’s the kind of pain he doesn’t want anyone to go through. And it’s ironic that he’s hearing it now from Chanyeol himself, and worse, it’s because of him.

“Why did you have to make me feel like I was normal? Like I finally have someone who understands me?” his voice breaks between his questions, “Y-You betrayed me with your false hopes for me, hyung…”

“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun calls, but he doesn’t know where to start.

He watches Chanyeol weakly standing in front of him, there’s a sad smile on his face as his head slowly shakes.

“You know what’s worst? You made me believe I could trust you.”

Silence consumes them. Chanyeol’s ragged breathing and his sniffs are the only noise around them. A part of him waits for Baekhyun to talk. To at least say something. But when the older’s gaze stayed on the floor, Chanyeol harshly wipes his face. He stands up with conviction.

“That’s it.” He exhales heavily, “You got what you came for.”

Baekhyun shakes his head, but no words came out from his lips. Not even the words Chanyeol needed to hear.

“No one’s stopping you now to go to the places you plan to go, hyung.” Baekhyun looks up to him that had him chuckling, acid drips in his voice when he recalls the list of he places he found. “Yeah, I know about it too. You can leave now, maybe go find your next toy. At least until you find your wife.”

“I won’t do that.”

“Why not?” he asks sarcastically, “Isn’t that your plan? To keep yourself entertained until you find Hera?” his teeth gritted when anger fills him up again. “That is if you find her.”

“I know you’re mad.” Baekhyun gulps, “But please don’t say that, Chanyeol.”

Bitterness fills Chanyeol completely.

“Then go find her now!” his voice echoes within the closed walls, “Why would you let a neurotic college boy keep you from doing so? You're no different to everyone else..."

Baekhyun looks at him because of this. The way his eyes glistened crushed something in his soul.

"Forget you know me because I never want to see you again.”

In his mind, Baekhyun never cared about him. Because why would he? He has a wife to find. Chanyeol has seen how desperate he was to find her. And it was stupid for him to think that he stands a chance of being with him. He was pathetic to think he can ever replace Hera in his heart.

Like the others, Baekhyun only pitied him.

When Baekhyun remained unresponsive, Chanyeol decides he’s the one who should leave. He cannot take being in the same room with Baekhyun anymore. He’s afraid he might say more things, or worse, take what he said back. He grabs his coat on the floor before walking to the door but he stops. For one last time, he looks back at Baekhyun who’s at the very same spot he was. Chanyeol chuckles to himself when he realizes how ridiculous it may sound, but he asks him anyway.

“That night…when I told you what I feel, did you feel the same as I did? Even just for a bit?”

He chooses to push his stupidity to its extent. He wants to hear it. He thinks he knows nothing will change with whatever Baekhyun might say, but he takes the risk. Because he always did, for Baekhyun.

Baekhyun looks at him, on the verge of crying. But Chanyeol doesn’t take this as an answer. He wants it clear. And if Baekhyun doesn’t give it to him, it’ll surely hurt, but he’ll take it.

He was right, once again.

“For a moment, I t-thought…” he forces a laugh, “you feel the same way about me, hyung.” He says, trying to prevent himself from breaking down.

“I thought you wanted to keep me because you want to be with me too…” Chanyeol sadly smiles, “But I was wrong.” He whispers before completely walking out of the room.

He wants to convince himself that it was only his imagination when he heard Baekhyun’s faint voice calling his name. Nonetheless, he didn’t dare to look back. He stood by his choice. He also didn’t think that it could be the last time he sees Baekhyun.

 


	3. Come Away with Me, Where They Can't Tempt Us

Regrets.

For the record, Chanyeol can clearly remember how he promised himself he’ll never regret any of his decisions. He was betrayed. He was tricked and played. It’s only right that he pushed him away.

But Chanyeol wakes up every night, face stained with tears whenever he dreams about Baekhyun. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Either way, it only makes everything worse for him. He realizes that no matter how wrong Baekhyun was, he still can’t stand himself for saying such mean things to him.

And if he needs to forgive Baekhyun just to be with him again, then he’ll do it. He only needed time and space, but he’ll always find his way back to Baekhyun.

So after weeks of contemplating, he’s now standing in front of the door of the boathouse, rehearsing every word he plans to say. He shuts his eyes close before taking a deep breath. Right then, he knocks on the door. He waits for a few seconds but no one opens it. He also noticed how the curtains cover the window from the inside. The door is locked and there are no signs of presence inside the house. Chanyeol pulls out the key from his pocket to open it by himself.

He stands in front of the opened door, baffled by the fact that there’s no sign of anyone being here for a while. The canvases are neatly placed in the corner while the other things are as they were before he left.

Where is he?

He walks inside, right towards the direction of the bedroom. He opens the cabinet nearby and sees that most of Baekhyun’s clothes are still there. Though he wasn’t relieved even just for a bit because all his favorite clothes are gone. He left a lot but he still took some.

An idea comes into his mind.

Chanyeol combs his hair in frustration. It was fast. He’s palpitating again. He knows something is up, and just the thought of losing him scares him so much.

He pulls the drawer from the table and throws it on the bed. His hands go fumble through it, looking for his passport. It’s there. The keys are there too, for the motorcycle and the car. The things he usually brings are still there. Untouched.

But Baekhyun is nowhere here.

And it seems like he left a lot, because he does not want to be find.

“F-Fuck…” Chanyeol pants through his mouth. He weakly falls on the bed behind him, frustration dominating his system.  _Maybe he was just in town, in the inns, or motels, like before._

 _Yes._ Chanyeol nods and tries to calm himself,  _I can still find him. I’ll do it._

By that, he wasted no time as he left the boathouse. If he needs to go through every corner of the town, he’ll do it. He’ll find him.

 

   

 

“Chanyeol, please…” Junmyeon taps his arm, “Rest for the night. We can continue finding him tomorrow.”

Both his palms are now on his face, he can feel Jongdae rubbing his back beside him.

“Don’t get too worked up on this, Chanyeol.” he says, “You’ll find him. Don’t worry.”

He forces a smile as he looks at them, unaware that all they could see is the pain and exhaustion in his eyes.

“Yeah, I’ll rest.” Junmyeon worriedly looks at him through the mirror, almost certain that he’s lying, “Thanks for helping me and driving me here. I can go by myself tomorrow. I don’t want you skipping classes because of me.” he says with the same smile before hopping out of the car, “Drive safely!”

He doesn't wait for their response as he walks into the woods where the lake is. The smile on his face is soon erased once he turned around and hopelessness began dawning on him.

His shoulders are drooping down, as if the weight of the world is on them. When he opens the door of the boat house, he is once again met by the emptiness. And the pain he's feeling just gets worse every night he has to come home without any idea where Baekhyun might be, or if he’s safe.

He clearly remembers the date he saw on Baekhyun’s skin. And it’s the day after tomorrow. He doesn’t know what to do anymore. He’s too desperate to find him but fate seems to enjoy seeing him suffer because Baekhyun is just gone with the wind. The question is not only about where he might be, but if he’s also alive.

Chanyeol only throws his bag on the floor before going to the pile of canvases on the corner. He picks a blank one together with his brushes and oil paints. He used to do this when he’s stressed. He needs something to let it out on, or else he’ll go insane anytime soon.

He takes a deep breath, trying to visualize anything that inspires him. When he got nothing, he frustratingly dips the end of the brush to the color, harshly splattering them on the canvas. He has no clear direction. With gritted teeth, he spreads the colors on the canvas, forming nothing but shapeless images. Chanyeol tries to spread them evenly but it only looked worse. When he continued trying, everything just came out wrong. He clenches his jaw, and before he knows it, the palette of colors was harshly thrown on the wall by his trembling hand.

His eyes are bloodshot, tears forming in them as he looks at the canvas in front of him. And like the other, it was thrown on the other side of the room. The loud thud and sound of the broken woods blast in the room along with his ragged breathing. He looks at the mess he has done; and right then, he falls on his knees, palms covering his face as he breaks down into loud sobs. He’s fucked up. Chanyeol fucked up big time. He has reached the point of completely blaming himself for everything that’s happening.

**_“You did this.”_ **

He falls completely on the floor, his gaze is met by the ceiling of the boathouse while his head is intensely throbbing. His legs, his eyes, his whole body are tired. But it doesn’t compare to how worn out his heart is. He just wants to rest, be with Baekhyun again. But why does it feel so impossible now?

Is it too much to ask?

**_“You pushed him away.”_ **

His face crumples as loud sobs escape his lips. The tears don’t seem to stop. He weakly lies on the floor, uncertain if he still has the courage to go on. With all of this. With his life.

The voices are going against each other now, as if hundreds of people are now screaming right on his ears. He can barely keep up.

He doesn’t know how, or when, but he manages to pull the radio out from his bag. He presses the channel that has been unresponsive for a while now. But like any other nights, Chanyeol hopes. Chanyeol tries and prays he can hear his pleads.

“H-Hyung…” his voice breaks, hoarse from all the crying he does. “P-Please…where are y-you? P-Please come back…”

The exhaustion, pain and worsening situation in his head push him into drowsiness. Chanyeol breathes through his mouth, uttering the same words until he falls into unconsciousness.

_“Please…”_

    

He wakes up because of the blinding ray of light directed on his face. When he opens his eyes, he sees the same ceiling. The radio is still on his hand and he’s still on the same position. His throat feels dry and the need of water makes him sit up from the floor, while looking around to see that the mess he made last night is still the same. Fortunately, the voices are gone and his head feels a lot better than last night. He stands up and walks to the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water. He doesn’t know when was the last time he drank one but it is the least of his concern.

Chanyeol drops the second glass of water onto the sink, spacing out for a while and trying to recall everything that happened. When he goes back to the living room, he starts cleaning the mess he made. Chanyeol feels nothing, as if the pain has made him numb. When he picks up the canvas he started last night, he is able to visualize something because of his clearer mind. He grabs another stand and continues the painting with a lot more focus.

Chanyeol was too determined that he didn’t notice the time. Hours have passed and it’s almost dusk again. The hunger, thirst and exhaustion went unnoticed through the process. And now, in front of him is a painting similar to what he had in mind. Almost like a photo developed.

Somehow, he’s satisfied and he wastes no time after that.

  

* * *

 

“Chanyeol?” he was a bit taken aback when the boy shows up after a long time, alone even. “How are you? What brings you here?”

Chanyeol looks around the pub where there’s fewer people. He clears his throat before looking back at Sparrow.

“I just…brought a gift.” he hands the frame covered with Manila paper. Sparrow looks at him in confusion, though he accepts it. Chanyeol stands right there while the old man tears the cover in front of him, seeing a framed painting inside.

“Wow…” he gasps, “You made this?”

He nods.

“Wow, thank you…it’s beautiful.” Sparrow smiles at him, “I can clearly see the night you first came here through this. The people are incredibly detailed.”

“No…” Chanyeol gulps, “Thank you, for inspiring me. It’s a small gift compared to the memories we made here.”

“You’re so talented.” he taps his shoulder, “I’ll have this placed on the wall.”

Chanyeol only smiles timidly. Sparrow puts the painting down before facing him again.

“Is there something bothering you?”

He takes a deep breath.

“I need your help.”

Sparrow sadly smiles at him, and he figures what it must’ve been for.

“Figures. You came here alone looking so distraught.” he says, “I’m sorry, Chanyeol. As much as I want to help you, I know nothing specific as well.”

His heart sank. But no, it won’t make him give up.

“It’s okay…” he says, “Thank you.”

“But I can give you something. I hope it can help.” he grabs the nearest paper, “I can list down all the cities and towns Baekhyun had gone to before, and the ones he hasn’t. I think he might be somewhere he hasn’t gone yet before he met you. You can start looking for him there.”

There was a tiny bit of hope ignited in Chanyeol. It will surely help him, no matter how small the details are.

“Thank you!” he smiles when Sparrow hands him the note, “I’ll keep this with me.”

“It’s funny how he went here before he went missing…” his heart skips a beat because of this, “He was emphasizing that he’ll be okay. Wherever he is, he’ll be fine. It’s like he’s expecting that I’ll have to assure someone one day.”

His heart crumbles into pieces. Baekhyun planned this all along. He thought about him. He thought and hoped for Chanyeol to find him. And Chanyeol can’t bring himself to be happy. Because if he’s still the one in Baekhyun’s mind for the last time, then why did he have to go?

“Whatever it is between the both of you, I know it’s more than special. I’ve never seen him like…that. He was his best self with you.” he sighs, “I’ll be one of the happiest people if you sort things out and be with each other again.”

Chanyeol nods his head, “I will. I’ll sort this out.”

* * *

  

He sits on the nearest bench he could find. Tiny beads of sweat start forming on his temples. The bottle in his hand is almost out of water too. Chanyeol doesn’t want to lose hope. He doesn’t want to give up. But it’s almost dawn, and the fact that he’s about to spend another night in another unfamiliar city without finding Baekhyun makes him feel so helpless.

No one knows where he is and it’s driving Chanyeol crazy.

Baekhyun’s words echo in his mind. He was indeed like a wind. Blown away into different places, invisible to people.

He really is a falcon, migrating from place to place, from time to time. And Chanyeol is desperately looking for him no matter how impossible it may seem. Once he finds Baekhyun, he will run to him. He will hug him tight and never let go. He will ask him to go back to the town, to their boathouse and be with each other from then on.

 _If_  he finds him.

But he’s tired. He’s been walking around this park for more than an hour, asking people no matter how stupid he may look. He still has so many places to go and try. And like the previous ones, there’s no guarantee that Baekhyun’s there. There’s no giving up for him. Because if Baekhyun has been wandering around for so long trying to find someone he loved, then Chanyeol can do just the same for him.

He places his elbows on both his knees and leans his chin on his palms that are holding each other. Hopelessly looking around, he sees no one familiar. A huge exhausted sigh escapes his lips.

“Where are you?” he whispers against his hands.

He stays there for a few more minutes to rest before deciding to continue on his job. He stands up and walks to the Thunderbird he parked on the road.

_“Soldier SK Kim, over!”_

Chanyeol tilts his head to his side, looking at the place where the voice is coming from.

_“Over! Over! Over!”_

He sees a kid, probably around seven or eight years old. He’s running around the grassy area, ducking behind the big rocks as if he can hide himself from his other playmates around. But that wasn’t the one that got Chanyeol’s attention.

In his hand, is a TRC-214 two-way radio that looks uncannily familiar to Chanyeol. Or rather, he’s positive he has seen it before.

Unconsciously, his feet walk to where the Thunderbird is. He does not open the door to hop inside, no. He uses his long arm to pick something from the backseat of the car. And when he gets a hold of it, he pushes the right button, his gaze never leaving the kid.

“O-Over…” he watches the kid experimentally pressing every button he could find. And Chanyeol is sure that if it is indeed the same walkie talkie he knows, then he’ll be able to hear his voice once he presses the right channel.

“Over…over…over…”

He continues saying it until the kid stops pressing. He sees how his brows furrowing in curiosity while suddenly hearing an unknown man’s voice from the radio he’s holding. Chanyeol says the word again and he’s now sure.

It was the other pair to the one he has.

His chest heaves and his heart starts thumping in it. Finally, there is such a huge relief in him. He almost lost hope and now he’s sure that he’s almost there. He’s close to finding him and he won’t let this chance slip.

Chanyeol walks back to the bench where he sat a while ago and from there, he subtly watches the kid and never lets him out of his sight. He looks away whenever someone looks at him and pretends to be busy reading the newspaper left on the side of the bench.

Fortunately, he is naturally patient. It is quarter to five when the kid’s playmates are getting fetched by their parents to go home. He observes around, trying to see if there’s also someone to fetch the kid with his radio. But he realizes he came alone when he eventually walks along with four of his friends and their parents to go home.

He doesn’t understand why a parent of a kid in a very young age would let his child go to a park and back home alone. But it is the least of his concern. He doesn’t even understand how the kid got Baekhyun’s radio. The next thing he decides to do is to follow him home, and he has never felt so good about a decision like he does in this.

There is a huge distance between them as Chanyeol follows behind. He makes sure no one notices his agenda and tries to stop every now and then when they look behind. He can barely hear what the kids were talking about but he’s sure he saw that kid bragging about the radio in his possession. He tries hard not to lose them from his sight, especially the route where they’re going.

The other kids and their parents eventually reach their own houses. They eventually got fewer until the only kid left is the one Chanyeol needs to follow. The place is starting to get more isolated too. The sweat forming on Chanyeol’s nape made him realize that they’ve been walking up a very steep hill. There are still houses around them but it’s already far from the center of the town. It’s a very a quiet neighborhood, almost scary to have a little kid walking alone in it.

“Sangki-ah, there you are!” Chanyeol stops on the side of the road when he hears a voice coming from a small eatery, “Goodness gracious, what did I tell you? You sneaked out again!  _Aish_ , you will be the death of me!

It’s an old woman, probably the child’s grandmother as he can tell. He looks around, even inside the eatery, but there’s no one familiar to him. His heart sinks inside his chest. The tiny bit of hope he had in him crashes into pieces.

“Can I help you, Sir?”

The old woman asks when she sees Chanyeol desperately looking around the area. Chanyeol gulps before shaking his head, his hope is almost gone.

“N-No…thank you.”

He sees the kid nonchalantly walking into the eatery. Chanyeol turns back around, deciding he should go back to the park. Once again, he failed. Once again, he didn’t find him. And the thought of going back to square one topples all the hope inside him, if there’s still anything left.

“You found Sangki?”

“Ah yes, he’s probably eating inside.” she answers someone, “That kid is a piece of work!”

Someone laughs, and it makes Chanyeol stop on his tracks.

“The kid’s probably bored, Mrs Kim.” he answers again, “ _Sangki-ah!_ Come here!”

His heart skips a bit with how familiar it is. Despite the time Chanyeol didn't waste throughout the process of everything, it took him a moment before he could finally turn around and face the voice he heard.

Baekhyun is there. He’s standing there, looking a bit different from the last time Chanyeol can remember him. He doesn’t have the same fancy clothes, but an old white shirt and pair of pants, an apron around his waist. His growing hair is visible, the black is now more noticeable than the silver tips of his strands. He looks exhausted.

But it is still him. The way his nose crinkles when he smiles big to the kid. The way the side of his lips curves whenever he hears something amusing. And the sound of his laugh…all the same Baekhyun. He’s still Chanyeol’s favorite hyung. And his wobbling knees and longing heart can prove that.

Chanyeol is still in the process of trying to keep himself composed when Baekhyun’s gaze falls right to where he stands. The smile on his face fades off and he immediately stands up from where he is.

“Chanyeol?”

The old woman looks at him again, her gaze travelling from him to Baekhyun. She is obviously taken aback that Baekhyun knows the stranger she had seen a while ago. But she grabs the kid’s hand and pulls him with her, “Sangki…let’s go inside first.”

The kid’s confused stare lingers on him for a moment until he’s completely pulled inside the crowded eatery by his grandmother.

Chanyeol pants heavily. He tries to keep his lips pursed and keep the sob he badly wants to let out. Baekhyun is in front of him, alive and well. He’s in front of him, in flesh after months of finding him without clues. Chanyeol could barely contain his emotions.

Baekhyun remains standing on his place. He looks equally stunned. But more than anything, he looks like he doesn’t know what to do. Right then, he breaks into a smile. The genuine smile he has always had. But unlike before, it isn’t made out of complete happiness. Wiping his hands on the apron, he reluctantly takes a step towards Chanyeol.

“H-How are you?”

He pays no heed to the formalities. He missed him, so  _very_ much, and the catching-ups can wait. Chanyeol takes big steps towards him. He needs to feel him again. For so many months, he has longed for Baekhyun.

“ _Hyung…_ ” he cries against his shoulders while he wraps him in a tight embrace. He keeps his eyes shut, convincing himself it isn’t a dream and Baekhyun is really in his arms. For so long, he had been calling his name without guarantee that he can hear it, and now he can say it right to his ear. “I was looking for you…for so long. I-I didn’t give u-up, hyung…”

A pair of hands wraps around him to hug him back and Chanyeol tightens his embrace. If only he can never let go of Baekhyun, he never will.

“I missed you…I missed you so much…” he whispers in his ear, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve said.”

He can feel Baekhyun nodding his head, tapping him with his hand to hush him from crying. He continues saying the words  _sorry_ and  _I miss you,_ and Baekhyun only hums in response. As if telling him that there’s nothing to be sorry for, and that he missed him too.

Chanyeol pulls away, his face is wet and eyes are puffy. Baekhyun looks at him while his hands rub Chanyeol’s arms.

“Let’s go home, hyung? Let’s go back to the boathouse. I looked after it while you were gone. I decorated it with some of my works too…”

He holds Baekhyun’s face with his large, warm hands. Baekhyun sadly smiles at him because of this, his eyes do not meet Chanyeol’s.

“I brought your Thunderbird with me as well…I can drive us home! I know how to drive now, Jongdae and Kai taught me. My large painting is almost―”

“Yeol…” Baekhyun cuts him off, his eyes are glistening. “I can’t.”

The newly-formed smile on Chanyeol's lips eventually fades again. His eyes try to meet Baekhyun’s but the smaller blinks a couple of times as he avoids them.

“Hyung?”

This time, Baekhyun clutches his hands tighter. Chanyeol finally sees his eyes filled with nothing but loneliness.

“I can’t.” he slowly shakes his head, “I can’t come with you…”

He’s confused. Chanyeol tries to find the answer in Baekhyun’s eyes. But like what he was doing a while ago, he can’t seem to look straight at Chanyeol for too long.

The door of the small house beside the eatery opens before Chanyeol could even utter a word. A woman comes out from it with a bag of trash in her hand, her blank stare falls on them and she stops for a bit. Baekhyun drops his hands like a hot pot. He takes a step back from Chanyeol, holding his hand with his own instead.

Chanyeol looks at her and there’s something breaking in his chest. It isn’t hard to figure out who she is and why Baekhyun suddenly became so conscious about her seeing them intimate. He slowly understands…and it hurts like hell.

“I-Is that…?”

Baekhyun only stares on the floor, his clasped hands slowly loosening up. He nods his head.

“Hera.”

She doesn’t even smile or look at them with interest. She proceeds to her chore of taking the trash out. Chanyeol watches how she walks lifelessly until she goes back inside the house without sparing them another glance.

His heart is continuously breaking as if it isn’t crushed enough. Chanyeol nods his head, convincing Baekhyun that he finally understands even though millions of questions are bugging him inside.

He tries to understand. Because from the very beginning, who was he to compete against Baekhyun’s wife? She will always be his first choice. He has to accept that.

“I s-see…”

Baekhyun sniffs before blinking to dry his eyes.

“Can we talk for a while?”

 

 

 

“You look healthier.” Baekhyun starts off when they reach the highest part of the place where a grotto stands. From where they are, they can see the lights from the houses down town, the park which is the center of the city can also be seen from where they sit. The sun is beginning to set from the distance, giving them the most perfect scenery on the said place. “That’s good.”

“Your hair is going back to black…” Chanyeol points out quietly, he softly looks at Baekhyun’s face. There is a known grin curving on the older’s lips.

“Yeah, I got too busy I never had the chance to dye it again.” he says while combing it with his fingers, “I bet it looks weird.”

Chanyeol gulps and takes a last glance on his face before facing back in front.

“No.” he shakes his head, “You’re still beautiful.”

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Baekhyun’s movement getting slower until he eventually puts down his hand and faces in front as well. He waits for Chanyeol to say something, and when he figures out that the younger is waiting for him to start talking, he swallows the lump in his throat to begin.

“I found her here five months ago.”

His voice is stable, as if he’s not talking about Hera. As if he wasn’t looking for her for nearly eight years. And as if he wasn’t shaken and broken when she had gone missing. It was exactly like the way he told his adventure and escapades to Chanyeol before. And the younger hates how fake it sounds to him right now. Because the Baekhyun he knows was genuinely vocal about his emotions. He didn’t need to pretend to be strong because he really was.

“Mrs. Kim kept her. She’s the old woman with me a while ago.” he says, “She said she found her one night, distraught, injured, almost lifeless.”

Chanyeol saw how he gulped after his sentence. The pause he made didn’t go unnoticed to the younger, “She hasn’t said a word to me yet, Chanyeol.” he said with a smile of pain on his face.

He takes a deep breath, “Mrs. Kim said she hasn’t completely gone mute because she heard her talk for a few times but it’s very rare. She also said that she may have lost her memories because of the intense trauma. I obviously triggered some of it when she saw me. We tried having her checked but she only becomes ballistic.”

The pain spreads within Chanyeol like a wild fire. Every word he hears from Baekhyun doesn’t help him at all. He should be sensitive, he’s aware of that. But little by little, the real reason starts hitting him like a fucking truck. The real reason why Baekhyun is here.

“She can do some things by herself but she’s isn’t completely functional. She easily gets angry. Sangki can’t even go near her sometimes. Mrs Kim should always be there…or me.” he adds, “Sangki…is her son, by the way.”

“So he’s…”

“No…” Baekhyun immediately shakes his head, “He’s not my son.”

Of course. Chanyeol knows that. There’s not a single resemblance between them. And he thought he would be relieved by this, but it only got worse for him. He’s starting to hate all these explanations that Baekhyun is forcing him to accept.

Because for Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s life isn’t here anymore. It’s with him. And everything he hears gives him more reason to be angry with the situation.  _There’s no reason for him to stay here._

“I should be here for them…they need help. Mostly Hera. I can’t just leave them alone.”

Baekhyun watches Chanyeol’s response, but the only thing he gets is a slow nod and a forced chuckle.

“Didn't you even think that they managed to live the same normal life even before you came?”

Baekhyun looks at him because of this. He should’ve expected that Chanyeol wouldn’t easily accept his reasons but what he didn’t expect is for him to go straight to the point of demanding the answers he want.

“It was hard for them, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s tone becomes firmer than it was as he looks at him seriously, “And I’m still her husband. I should’ve been the―”

“Do you love her?” Chanyeol cuts him off, his tone demanding.

“I can’t just leave her alone―”

“That’s not the  _fucking_  answer to my question, Baekhyun!”

Baekhyun starts panting heavily. His jaw hardens as he struggles to keep his tears back.

Chanyeol doesn’t budge, he looks at him with his testing eyes.

“Do you love her? Or you feel obliged?”

Baekhyun stands up from where he sits, his hands wipe the back of his pants without looking at Chanyeol. He’s trying to run away from it.  _Very unlike what the Baekhyun he knew would do,_ and it makes Chanyeol even more furious.

“I can’t be gone for too long, Mrs Kim needs help.” he keeps his voice straight and starts walking away, “I’ll walk you to the park.”

“What? Walking away now because you can’t answer me?” he stands up and quickly reaches Baekhyun’s pace. He harshly grabs him by the hand to face him, “I went through hell to look for you and now you can’t even tell me the truth? You’ll feed me with your bullshit?” Chanyeol chuckles sarcastically but his fists are tightened in anger, “Fuck you, hyung!”

“What do you want?” Baekhyun is equally frustrated as him, but unlike Chanyeol, he tries to remain as calm as he can, “I told you all you need to hear because I want you to understand, Chanyeol. I want you to understand why I must stay here for good.”

“Well I don’t understand a goddamn thing!” Chanyeol’s voice breaks because of the volume of his voice, “Why don’t you just admit it?! You don’t love Hera anymore, hyung. You only feel obliged to stay with her because she’s your wife! That’s not how it works! You don’t need to do that, hyung! Of all people, you should be the one to know that!”

Baekhyun stares at him, fighting the tears he’s holding back. His only response to Chanyeol is his shaking head, and it’s not enough to stop the younger.

“Can’t you see how she looks at you? Huh?” he asks, chest heaving, “Or rather, how you look at her? Do you want me to tell you how?” he combs his hair in frustration. “There’s nothing but pity in your eyes, hyung! I know it very well because that’s how people looked at me!” a tear fell from his eyes.  _Except you._ He wants to add,  _you never did._

Baekhyun coldly looks at him, shaking his head again.

“You don’t know a fucking thing, Chanyeol.”

There was a pang in his chest, but Chanyeol swallows the lump in his throat as he continues whatever he wants to say.

“Maybe I don’t, hyung.” he answers, “Because I will never understand why you choose to stay with a person who’s nothing but a part of your past. She doesn’t love you anymore, and neither do you. I don’t understand why you’ll throw your happiness away to stay with her.” he chuckles, “What? Are you playing hero again? You can still care for her without any of this shit, and you know that. You even kept her son from another man! For what, huh? What’s it worth, hyung? Tell me what the fuck is it for you?!”

“BECAUSE IT’S ALL MY FAULT CHANYEOL!” Baekhyun bursts out, his words are muffled by his heavy sobs. Fear succumbs in every part of Chanyeol’s body when Baekhyun breaks down in front of him, “She was raped! She was tortured and almost murdered on the night she ran away from home! She wanted to run away because she wasn’t happy with me anymore! I didn’t give her the freedom she wanted so she ran away a-and it happened!” tears are continuously running down his beautiful face, as if he’s been holding it in for so long. “It’s my fault! It’s all my fucking fault! And if I have to sacrifice everything to make it up to her then I will! I-If I have to give anything to bring her back to what she was before then I’ll give it!” his voice is hoarse as his voice becomes faint, “B-Because it’s my fault…it’s all my fault.”

Chanyeol throws all the anger in him away when he wraps the smaller in a tight embrace. This is his weakness. Baekhyun is his weakness. And seeing him like this for the first time is scarier than he imagined. He can feel him trembling in his arms.

“I don’t have any right to be happy, Chanyeol…” he sobs against the taller’s chest, “H-Hera…she didn’t deserve what happened to her.”

And it hurts Chanyeol the most. How can a person like Baekhyun feel like he's not worthy of being happy?

He pulls away and holds Baekhyun’s face between his hands. Far from the calm and collected Baekhyun― the one that has anything under control and the one who has always told him to smile at his problems and live a full life; this Baekhyun right now is a mess. It is his weak side. He has broken down his barriers in front of Chanyeol. For the first time since they met, Baekhyun willingly shows him his imperfections.

But Chanyeol realizes, he's just as perfect. He loves this Baekhyun as much as he loves the perfect one. This is a flawed Baekhyun, and he loves him just the same.

“Hyung, listen to me.” he tilts his face and makes their eyes meet, “It isn't your fault. You don't have to pay for anything. No one wanted it to happen!”

Then again, he shakes his head.

“I promised her. I made a vow that I'll take good care of her, but I didn't. I let it happen.”

Chanyeol disagrees again, but Baekhyun smiles at him this time.

“I used to be so afraid of my mark, Chanyeol. And when she was gone, I became someone who had convinced everyone I want to live a full life and have fun. But in reality, I badly wanted to die. I became so reckless because I felt like I lost my purpose.” he touches Chanyeol’s hands on his face, “But believe it or not, it changed when we met. I wanted to live...for real. You somewhat gave me a purpose.”

“But now that I found her, I realized that this must really be the only purpose I have. It's to be for Hera, because I wasn't there...when she needed me.”

Chanyeol finally gets to look at his eyes. He sees the pain and sadness, but above all of it, there was conviction too. He is sure of his choice, not even Chanyeol can make him change his mind.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry if I’m saying this to you right now.” Baekhyun gulps, “but I need you to hear this from me. I need you to hear that you were never a pass-time for me, Chanyeol. You were never someone I pitied. I loved you.”

The last words were almost a whisper, but Chanyeol knows they would scar his heart for so long.

“And I love you still, that’s the truth…” he adds, “But she needs me.”

Chanyeol’s gaze falls to the floor. A sad smile forms on his lips.

“What about me, hyung?” his voice breaks, “I n-need you too…what about me?”

Baekhyun shuts his eyes tight, as if Chanyeol’s words are stabbing him right in his chest. God knows how much he wants to embrace Chanyeol again, and maybe never let go. But he also knows that doing it one more time will make him break his promise. He may not be able to stand by his choice.

“You’re strong, Chanyeol.” he touches his cheek, wiping the tears with his thumb. “You are. And you’ll be a well-known artist. You’ll be successful, you’ll travel the world…go to places you’ve always wanted. You can even go to Prague! The places on your paintings…y-you can go there.” he lifts his chin to make him see the encouragement in his eyes, “You can do it. Y-You don’t need me…”

Chanyeol doesn’t respond. The forced smile on his face breaks Baekhyun’s heart. He can do it…all the things Baekhyun said. He can, but he doesn’t want to. Not when he’s alone. Not when they promised to do it all together.

No matter what Baekhyun says, Chanyeol needs him to keep going.

“Chanyeol…p-please.”

“Uncle?”

The voice of a little kid made Baekhyun’s hands immediately leave his face. Chanyeol can see from the corner of his eyes how Baekhyun subtly wipes the tears on his face, while Chanyeol remains where he stands, not even bothering to hide the mess he is.

“S-Sangki…Hera…” he sniffs while trying to lighten up his voice, “Am I needed there?”

Chanyeol looks at them this time. He sees that Sangki didn’t come alone. Behind him is Hera, who’s looking at them with the same blank face. Although a bit of curiosity is seen in her eyes.

She stares back at Chanyeol for a while before turning to Baekhyun. She only nods her head as response.

“Nana cooked Bokkeum tonight! You said you like that right, Uncle Baek?”

“Alright!” he smiles and nods his head, he turns to Chanyeol when the other two start walking away.

“I need to go…Yeol.” he flashes a bright smile to Chanyeol, trying to conceal what his eyes scream for. “But I’m really happy to see you again.”

He turns around but Chanyeol chases his hand for the last time. Baekhyun gulps before looking at him.

“P-Please…hyung.” he pleads for Baekhyun to choose him. To be his first choice this time.

Sangki walks ahead but Hera stops walking from a distance. She turns to look at them again, down to Chanyeol’s hand on Baekhyun. Chanyeol sees how Baekhyun’s eyes travel from her back to him.

Right then, Baekhyun uses his other hand to remove Chanyeol’s hand off him.

It was a clear choice, and Chanyeol has never felt this hurt before.

“I love you, Chanyeol...” he bites his lip as he pauses. He points right on Chanyeol’s chest as he whispers, “And I’ll still be here, every time you conquer your fears.”

He tries to hold Baekhyun’s hand again but the older immediately turns around while wiping his face. He walks towards Hera who’s still looking at Chanyeol. Chanyeol watches them with his tears continuously falling until they vanish from his sight.

And when they were gone, he lets out the breath he’s been holding. He clutches his chest as he stops suppressing his sobs. He was left in a silent night with nothing but the rustling of trees against the wind and the sound of his breaking heart.

It was the beginning of Autumn.

 

* * *

 

 _“_   _Hana_   _’s out-of-town plan looks so fun…” she leaned on both of her hands while watching her husband walk past her to the closet, “Baekhyunnie, why can’t we go?”_

_He looked behind to see her pouting while watching him. He took a shirt from the closet before facing her with a smile despite being tired._

_“It’s too far from here.” he answered as he sat next to her, “Let’s…just stay here. Watch movies, hmm?” he kissed her hair, unable to notice the smile on her face becoming more like a disappointed one._

_“We can just go to the beach I told you about! Or the Kart Racing place!” she smiled hopefully at Baekhyun, who’s hugging her from behind. “Bungee jumping, please love?”_

_Baekhyun timidly smiled._

_“Not now, okay? Maybe next time?”_

_Her smile completely faded off. She pursed her lips before speaking._

_“_   _Until_   _…when are we going to stay here?” she quietly asked, “’Til when are we not allowed to go out and have fun?”_

_She sat up straight, seriously looking at Baekhyun._

_“It’s not safe.” Baekhyun caressed her hands, “You’re not marked, Hera. We can’t risk it.”_

_She chuckled, but it sounded so forced. “It looks like you’re the unmarked one between us, Baek. A little fun won’t kill us you know.”_

_Baekhyun laughed and hugged her from behind. He used to do this whenever he tried to lighten up the growing tension from their endless arguments about the same thing._

_“I just want you safe.” he said right in her ear, “And besides, we can have fun even if we stay here. Like always, right?”_

_He kissed her again when she nodded. He called it a night, unable to see the forced smile etched on her face, getting tired from doing the same things over and over again._

 

“SHE DOESN’T LOVE ME AT ALL!”

Baekhyun wakes up from his deep thoughts when he hears Sangki’s loud crying outside the house.

“You know that’s not true…” Mrs Kim’s gentle voice follows, “Mama loves you, she’s just tired―”

“She never loved me!”

He goes out in front of the house to see Mrs Kim calling out Sangki’s name as the child runs as fast as he can away from the house. She turns to Baekhyun with so much worry on her face.

“I don’t know what happened…” she buries her face on her palms, “that kid…”

“Just let him breathe for a while.” he says, “He’ll come back.”

Mrs Kim shakes her head.

“Hera needs to start treating him like her child.” she says before going back inside the eatery.

Baekhyun tries to wait outside, hoping that the kid will come back sooner. When he realizes it’s no use, he goes back inside the quiet house.

He goes inside the bedroom he shares with Hera, but not the bed of course. For months, Baekhyun has been used to sleeping on the floor with a thin mat for him to use underneath.

He was a bit taken aback when he sees Hera inside, her cold eyes gaze straight at her reflection on the mirror in front as she gently brushes her hair. Baekhyun continues to walk inside to get the stuff he needs.

And to remind her some things.

“Please don’t be so hard on Sangki.” his gentle voice breaks the silence inside the room, “He’s your son, Hera. Treating him fairly will be nice.”

The woman’s eyes do not even spare him a glance. She continues what she’s doing as if she didn’t hear anything. Baekhyun expects this. So when he is about to go out the room again, he freezes on his spot when he hears her low and cold voice.

“Why are you even here?”

His breath hitches when he hears her talk for the first time. After so many months of being here.  _After more than eight years,_ he hears her voice again.

He turns around to face her. She’s still seated in front of the mirror, but her eyes are now looking at Baekhyun through the reflection. She puts the brush back in front before speaking again.

“You obviously love the man who came here months ago.” her tone is now menacing, “So why, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun can only gulp as a response. He doesn’t expect to hear her talking to him again, especially the question she chose to ask after being silent for so long.

He walks back to the bed behind her and sits on it. Hera still watches him from where she’s seated.

“You’re my wife.”

She chuckles sarcastically with this. She faces Baekhyun with a smile filled with bitterness, but the sadness in her eyes starts showing.

“I am not.”

Baekhyun looks straight at her, brows furrowed.

“It’s been eight years, Baekhyun…You can’t just come here and say that.” she shifts on her seat to face him completely, “Tell me…did you love her? The girl you met years ago? The one you call your wife?”

“Of course.” Baekhyun answers immediately. He did. It’s the truth and he’s not going to be reluctant about it.

Hera slowly shakes her head with a sad smile curved on her lips.

“She’s not here anymore.” she says. Baekhyun clutches the sheet on both his sides, “I’m not the same Hera you met, married and loved. So don’t say that you’re here because I’m your wife. Everything has changed, Baekhyun.”

There was a pang in his chest, because deep down inside he knows she’s right. He only refuses to believe but he knows he can never bring back what they had before. It will only be futile.

“I hate it.” she starts off once more that made Baekhyun raise his gaze back at her, “I  _really_  hate that you’re once again becoming the man I grew to despise eight years ago. The one I tried to escape from.”

Baekhyun feels like he should not answer. Or rather, he doesn’t know what to say. Ever since, Hera always knows the right words to prove her point. And right now, it’s obvious she’s also not expecting any answers from him. Because she’s right, and she knows that.

“Do you know that I’ve listened to his stories every night from your walkie talkie?” she shakes her head as she faces back to the mirror again to tie her hair, “It’s really annoying, you know? He’s like a stupid kid who doesn’t know when to give up.”

She chuckles and Baekhyun bites his lip when she starts talking about Chanyeol. Just the thought of him brings him pain. He misses him so much.

“But then…” she gulps before smiling, “From his stories, I can immediately tell how happy you were with him. How much he loves you…like how you love him, based on the nights I hear your cries on the floor where you sleep.” her chuckles sounds so forced now and her shoulders droop a little. “And to be honest…I had questions, like…” she tilts her head up when her eyes glisten, “How come we never had t-that…” she clears her throat when she stutters, “that kind of love before?”

Baekhyun looks at her, his chest heaves while listening to her words that strike him right in the heart.

“But then,” she sniffs and manages to bring her stable tone back, “I realized…that it’s because we lacked trust and I…gave up easily.” she shrugs, “We’re basically not for each other.”

Baekhyun shakes his head, but she cuts him off with her words.

“He seems like a good man.” she turns to him, “And I don’t know why on earth you’re here, letting him go. Didn’t you ever learn, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun avoids her gaze, he tries to open his mouth but no words came out.

She sighs before standing up to take one last look at herself in front of the mirror.

“I don’t want you here, Baekhyun.” she says with the same tone she used when she said her first few words to him, “Every day, you remind me of all the stupidity I’ve done that caused me to be the mess I am now. And it even feels worse when you take all the blame for everything I’ve done to myself.”

She looks at him this time, eyes concealed with coldness to hide all her emotions.

“You’re here because you’re guilty.” she says, “And if it bothers you that much, then I’m telling you now that you shouldn’t be.” she gulps, “You’re bound to end up like me if you keep on doing that. And when it happens, I don’t know if I can still help you out like this.”

She walks away right after that, aware that she left Baekhyun with thousands of thoughts in his mind.

But she set him free, and it took her a lot of courage to do that.

 


	4. Come Away with Me, and I'll Never Stop Loving You

It is the 18th of December.

It’s the end of autumn. And for Park Chanyeol, things are going so fast when he reaches the age of twenty-five.

He silently contemplates inside the hotel room, seated on the far edge of the bed while his eyes roam around the view of the whole city outside. He’s muttering a cuss right after every prayer, which is very inappropriate actually, but the man is too nervous to even be aware of what he’s doing.

He flinches when the door opens behind him. He turns around to see the agent casually scanning sheets of paper on his hands, unaware that Chanyeol is looking at him expectantly.

_200 will be enough. Just bring the money back at least. Just 200._

“We have…” the man narrows his eyes as it travels from the top of the page down to the bottom, “…a total of 580 tickets sold for the show tomorrow.” he says before nonchalantly looking up to Chanyeol.

His jaw almost drops.

“Five hundred eighty?” he slowly mumbles with his eyes widening.

His agent looks at him, brows raised with his reaction.

“Yeah, Chanyeol. Didn’t I mention that we needed to produce two hundred more ticke―”

“Holy  _shit!_ ” he hits his forehead with his palm, still wearing the stupid smile on his face. “Jaewon! 580 goddamn tickets!”

Jaewon sighs.

“Yes. And also, from three, five of your artworks will be up for bidding―”

“No shit…”

“Language, Park!” he threatens to throw the board on his hand to stop Chanyeol’s excessive and unnecessary cursing, “I don’t know why you’re so surprised when you already had exhibits like this at Singapore and Japan, with equal demands.” he rolls his eyes, “You’re such a faker.”

“But it’s only my third time! And this is Korea, Jaewon! I know a lot of more talented artists here!”

“Alright, Mr. Humble Ass, I get it. But from now on, there will be a lot more like this, so you should get used to it.” he exhales, “Now. If you don’t mind, you need to rest now because you have a big show tomorrow.”

He signs some papers before Jaewon completely leaves his room to let him sleep.

Chanyeol is tired from the flights, exhibits and other auctions he’s been attending for the past few months. He didn’t know that selling some of his art to other artists and influential people will get him to where he is right now. An actual painter. An  _artist._ And not even in his wildest dreams did he imagine becoming like this. Being able to express himself through art was enough for him. But he’s been given more by having so many people appreciate his work, and it makes him happier.

He just wishes that someone’s here to see what he has become.

From the luggage beside the bed, Chanyeol pulls something out of the pocket. An old postcard with the picture of St. Vitus Cathedral can be seen from it. He lays down on his back with a smile on his face before clutching the picture near his chest.

While staring at the ceiling for a while. The same thoughts run in his mind like how they did every other nights. The same person and the same questions.

_How are you hyung?_

_Are you happy?_

He gulps the lump in his throat. He shifts on his bed as he reaches for something on the side table. When he got it, he lays down again, touching the button of the right channel, reluctant about his choice. But then he presses it and holds the picture closer to his chest.

“Hyung…” he began, “how are you?”

He pulls it away for a bit, hearing nothing but static sound. When words enter his mind, he pulls it back to his lips.

“After this exhibit, I’m going to Prague, hyung.” he smiles, “I’ll go to the St. Vitus Cathedral, the castle, the Charles Bridge…” he pauses, “I’ve saved enough. Isn’t that nice?”

It's like déjà vu, telling stories through his radio without hearing something in return; waiting in vain that a voice…a voice he badly wants to hear, will answer him. But it was again left unheard. And like any other nights, he ends it with the same words.

“I miss you, hyung.”

 

* * *

 

  

“Fix your collar.” Jaewon clicks his tongue when he fixes the wrong side, “ _Here._ Tss, I told you to wear the suit and tie they got for you.”

Chanyeol frowns a little.

“This is a lot better.” he says, “I’m not a businessman Jaewon. I’m an artist. It’s better to be casual.”

His agent only leers at him. He can’t really figure out why Jaewon becomes a total asshole every time they have a show. He takes one last look at his brown leather jacket with a collared shirt underneath. He chose to wear decent pants too, so he doesn’t know what his agent is bitching about.

Chanyeol nervously combs his black hair with his fingers when he hears the host introducing him from the escalated stage in the middle of the hall. Chanyeol tries to keep himself composed despite feeling like he would pee in his pants anytime. Even if it’s not the first time, he’s still equally nervous. He’s not used to having so many people watching him.

As he goes up the stage, the people around give him a round of applause. They’re holding fancy glasses of champagne in their hands and Chanyeol doesn’t even have any idea who sponsored the last minute food that came here. He still refuses to believe Jaewon that he’s starting to get  _that_ big.

“Welcome,” he starts off, almost proud that he didn’t stutter. “thank you all for coming today.”

He gulps, trying not to pay attention on the hundred pairs of eyes watching him.

“This is my first exhibit in Seoul. In Korea, actually. So I wasn’t really expecting it to be this big.” he sees Jaewon on the side of the stage, motioning him to get straight to the point and not to make his remarks too long. “My works are combination of dreams and reality, specifically life, love, and death.”

For a moment, he suddenly becomes nervous. His heart starts rummaging against his chest and he doesn’t have any idea why. Before his mind goes blank, he continues what he should say.

“As a surrealist, I want to show how surreal life is, and how the fantasies of love are not limited in our dreams.” he holds the mic tighter when his palpitation becomes worse, “Whenever I make my art, I think about death. And I hope that’s what everyone will think about as well while viewing my art. Because for me, you can fully appreciate surrealism by doing so. Most importantly, it can help you feel reassured about the meaning of the life you live.”

He sees their nods and smiles for him that implied he said it well. He clears his throat and decides not to make this longer.

“That’s all. Again, thank you very much and I hope you enjoy the rest of the evening.”

The crowd applauds him as he steps down from the stage, but the sound of his racing heart against his ears still overpowers it. He lets out a huge breath as soon as he got out of the spotlight and grabs the bottle of water from one of the staffs.

“What’s wrong?” Jaewon asks when he noticed him fidgeting.

“Nothing.”

He excuses himself to go to the room specifically for him in the hall. He decides to stay there for a while to calm himself first. He doesn’t know if he almost had a panic attack, but it’s been so long since he had one. And the other symptoms didn’t occur, it was just merely…palpitations.

“Hey,” Jaewon walks inside as soon as he’s calmed down, “Why are you here? Don’t hide for too long, you need to do press and deals with clients outside.”

“Yeah, I know. Just let me breathe for a while.”

“Mr. Park?” a staff goes inside with a small bouquet in her hands, “Someone wanted to give this to you.”

Chanyeol turns around to see a small bouquet of fresh daisies. There's suddenly a pang in his chest.

Jaewon looks at him as he accepts it, “I’ll leave you first. Go out there soon, okay?”

He only nods without looking at him. Chanyeol waits until the door closes before he sits back on the chair. The flowers had a small envelope on it with the logo of the institution. He smiles while pulling the note out from it.

_I didn’t forget. I’m sorry I can’t make it. I picked these out for you as a gift._

_I’m proud of you._

Chanyeol purses his lips, tears form on the corner of his eyes and he didn’t stop them from falling. He rereads the note for a few more times before putting it back in the envelope then he wipes his tears away with the back of his hand. He looks at the fresh daisies and remembers all the things they’ve been through. Right then, Baekhyun’s words come running back to him again.

She’s still your mother.

He never expected this day will come. For a long period of time, he just wanted to be appreciated by her. And now she just told him she’s proud of him, it really means the world to him.

Again,  _if only_ he’s here to see this.

 

“Hello, Mr. Park! We’re from ELLE.” three visitors approach him as soon as he goes back to the hall. The press and small interviews go on one by one. A few big magazines and many smaller ones are here to ask him the background of his works. Chanyeol eventually loosens up and answers them confidently. Jaewon only watches how he’s doing, asking him how everything goes every now and then. Unlike their first shows, he seems to be more satisfied with Chanyeol’s performance today.

Chanyeol finishes another round of interview when he realizes it’s getting late. It’s almost time for the bidding of the paintings. He’s on his way to do another interview when he walks past the large painting on the corner. He stops in front of it, suddenly remembering so many memories.

_How do you do that?_

People flock in front of the painting and the main image at the center is blocked from his sight.

_Magic._

But from where he stands, he can clearly see the handprint on its corner. The one they do not spare a glance. Chanyeol lets it stay where it should be, because that’s one of the few things Baekhyun left for him to remember.

“Chanyeol, they’re calling you!”

“W-Wait…Jaewon.” his eyes linger on the painting, “Can I still pull this one out of the bidding?”

“What? What are you talking about?” his brows cross. He doesn’t pay attention to what he had said, “They’re coming here. This a big magazine in Shanghai, get your shit together.”

Foreigners walk towards where he is. He takes one quick glance to the painting behind him before forcing a smile to them.

“Have you always loved painting, Mr. Park?”

He flashes a timid smile before answering, “Yes, since I was a child.”

They continue asking him questions, and no matter how redundant they are to Chanyeol, he tries to answer them like how he did with the other interviewers. Although he’s getting a bit distracted because of the talking people around him. He can also hear what the group behind him is talking about that makes it harder for him to concentrate.

_“Is that a boy or a girl?”_

Chanyeol tries to focus on the person in front of him.

_“Duh, it’s probably a girl since this one is a boy.”_

_“No, it doesn’t look like a girl to me.”_

Chanyeol wants to answer them so they’ll shut up.  _They’re both boys, obviously._

“Mr. Park?”

“Yes. Uh…” he sees Jaewon widening his eyes at him from the distance so he tries to get a grip of himself.

 _“They look like they’re hugging inside a car, then thousands of ghosts are trying to get them…”_  he hears another voice,  _“This is the best one for me.”_

_“They don’t look like ghosts.”_

_“Didn’t you here what he said? Think about death when you look at it. All that floating dudes outside are death.”_

“And what inspired you behind these glorious works?”

Chanyeol smiles formally, “Well…the ideas were brought to me by my real life experiences, I let fantasies touch them but I maintained the…”

_“I agree, the floating hooded figures outside are death.”_

His voice becomes faint. His lips are suddenly pursed in a thin line. The interviewers look at him because of his sudden reaction.

“Mr. Park?”

_“And they’re both men, you can tell by their body built. The taller one is embraced by the smaller in the car’s backseat.”_

_“See? I told you I’m right!”_ the girl said to another person,  _“You have a good sight for this, Mister! I can’t even tell they’re in the backseat!”_

“Chanyeol.” Jaewon suddenly appears beside him, apologetically smiling at the foreigners. “Sorry about that…he’s just tired now.”

But he remains frozen on his spot. He tries to hear them further, eyes not blinking.

“Chanyeol, what the hell?” Jaewon whispers through gritted teeth.

He hears the same chuckle. A familiar one.

 _“Not really.”_ the palpitations he had when he was on stage earlier came back,  _“Maybe it just depends on how you interpret it.”_

He wastes no time as he turns around, ignoring Jaewon pulling his arm beside him. He looks at the large painting behind him and sees a lot of people in front of it now, but he can still hear the voices among them.

“I-I’m sorry…” he bows at the foreigners before shaking Jaewon’s hands off him. Chanyeol completely faces the painting from a near distance, but he remains where he stands. Jaewon’s voice suddenly becomes muffled in his ears as if he suddenly went deaf. His gaze remains on a certain spot, waiting for the people blocking the person to leave and show him he’s right. He’s finally right.

 _“It’s almost perfect!”_  he can now see the couple from where he is, but the one they’re talking to is still blocked by a couple of people from his sight.  _“There’s just a handprint over here…too bad.”_

Chanyeol smiles hopefully, now that the people in front of him are beginning to walk away. He knows it. And it feels like his heart is bursting any minute. He bites his lip, breath hitching in happiness.

He could’ve walked over there, see it for himself, like how he planned it in his dreams. But like his paintings, everything feels surreal and he can only stand on the same damn spot with his wobbling knees.

 _“Well I think it made it better.”_  the same voice said. And now there’s just him and the couple in front of the painting. Chanyeol can see his back now. He gently touches the part where the handprint stain is and from those slender fingers, Chanyeol is sure he isn’t dreaming,  _“I honestly think…this handprint stain completes the whole picture. It made it perfect.”_

He faces the couple beside him with a bright smile on his face, his silver hair is styled beautifully. There he goes;  _Chanyeol’s favorite hyung._

Chanyeol takes a step, mouth parted in awe. But that’s all he could do. Before he can even go near, his agent calls him again.

“Chanyeol!”

Right then, Baekhyun’s eyes fall on him because of this. Their gazes meet, and Chanyeol doesn’t know what to say or react. He stays staring at him, chest heaving.

Baekhyun flashes him a sweet smile before facing the couple again.

“This is my favorite work of him too.” he says to them before looking back to where Chanyeol is with the same smile on his face. The way Chanyeol’s heart stumbles in his chest proves that no matter how long and how far they’ve been distant from each other, he’s still  _fucking_  smitten. Only to Baekhyun.

“Chanyeol, you dumbass! The bidding is almost starting!”

He absentmindedly looks at the pissed Jaewon pulling his arm then to the stage where people start flocking around. He looks back to where Baekhyun was but a sea of people blocks his way, not letting him see who he wanted to.

 

 

For more than an hour until the end of the show, Chanyeol needs to stay on the side of the stage and congratulate the bidders. He has to sign deals and papers and throughout everything, he only has one person in mind. He’s so scared it is the last and only time he’ll see him.

He had to see the large painting be bought by the highest bidder. God knows how much he wanted to keep it to himself, but he already made a deal. At the end of the day, it is enough for Chanyeol that Baekhyun has seen it.

“Thank you…thank you very much for coming.” Jaewon nudges him with his elbow while he looks around the whole venue, “Damn it, Chanyeol. Thank them!”

Chanyeol sighs before bowing to the people exiting the hall. It has been his tradition to personally thank the people who came to his exhibits but tonight, he’s just desperate to find someone first.

His heart is sinking when the last group of people left the venue without him spotting Baekhyun. He figures out that the older must’ve left early. The thought of not seeing him again ruins what was supposed to be a great day.

“What is happening to you?” Jaewon clicks his tongue when he sees Chanyeol combing his hair in frustration while he sits on the chair in the hall.

He stands up exhaustedly, “Just bring the stuff I left in the dressing room to the hotel. I’m not going there yet.” he says and doesn’t wait for his response when he walks out to leave.

“Wait! Hey!” Chanyeol pays no heed when he calls for him.

 

 

 

He walks his way out and sees a few promotional posters of his exhibit along his way. When he completely goes out of the venue, fliers from his show are blown by the wind on the road. He waits on the side for a taxi he can hail. He needs to go to his staff and ask him the details of the people that came to his show.

He stands there with both hands in the pockets of his jacket. He watches his tapping foot on the ground while patiently waiting. Coincidentally, he turns his head to his side just to see Baekhyun standing meters away from him. The smaller’s back is facing him while he stares at a big poster of Chanyeol’s art exhibit. He doesn’t need to find him anymore. Baekhyun waited for him, like how he always did before.

Chanyeol fights the lump forming in his throat, he makes his way towards him.

“Hyung.”

Baekhyun turns around because of this. He’s slightly squirming under the thick coat his wearing. Nonetheless, there’s a small smile etched on his face from looking at the poster with Chanyeol’s name imprinted on bold letters.

Chanyeol can only stare at him, clueless on what he should say or do. If he considers what he wants to do, then Baekhyun could’ve been wrapped in his arms long ago.

He still can’t believe he’s here. Right in front of him. He has longed for him for so long and it takes a lot of courage to stand in front of him without doing anything.

“Congratulations,” Baekhyun starts off with the same soothing voice he has, “The exhibit was spectacular. People loved your works.”

He only nods, timidly smiling at the man in front of him. Their hands are both in the pockets of their jacket and coat, facing each other with a safe distance between them.

“I tried bidding for ‘Magic’ but I lost.” he chuckles and Chanyeol was taken aback. If he only knew that Baekhyun wants it, he should have never put it up for bidding, “But it’s okay. Your clients are bigger people, just what I thought they would be.”

There was a silence between them when Baekhyun finds it hard to find words to add. He badly wants to tell him that his small handprint painting before was framed by Chanyeol in his room. But he doesn't want to sound that creepy. Chanyeol is also waiting for him to say something more, but when he didn’t, he figured it was his turn.

“I hope you didn’t go all the way to the city just to see my exhibit.” Chanyeol says, sounding more formal than it how should be. Baekhyun purses his lips before smiling sheepishly.

“I…moved back here actually. A month ago.”

Chanyeol’s lips parted, “Oh…you did?” he pauses for a while, “Who are you with?”

“Alone.” Baekhyun blinks a few times, “It’s…uhm, closer to the town. I was planning to visit the boathouse that’s why.”

He slowly nods, avoiding Baekhyun’s gaze as he responds.

“You can go there anytime…I mean, I haven’t taken out all my things yet but I’ll be moving them soon so you can live there again.”

He barely noticed how Baekhyun’s smile fades for a while, but it soon comes back as a shy smile.

“No need, I…can just send it to you, if you need it.” he bites his lip, “I have your studio address.” he chuckles when he realized what he said, “I hope that doesn’t sound creepy.”

Chanyeol chuckles too, but his eyes are obviously confused.

“It doesn’t.” he shakes his head, “But how did you know?”

 _Why did you want to know?_ He wants to follow up but feels afraid to sound so assuming.

Baekhyun sheepishly smiles while he stands on his heel, the thing he does when he feels uneasy. Chanyeol is starting get concerned on how much he memorized most of Baekhyun’s mannerisms, including the way he lick his lips before speaking. It’s not healthy for him.

“I’ve been hanging out with Jongdae recently…” Chanyeol almost choked because of this, “And…I’ve been asking him about you.”

_That bastard._

But he can’t stop himself from grinning, “Really?” he clears his throat, “And what has he been telling about me?”

Baekhyun purses his lips.

“That…” he pauses with the same timid smile, “You’re not…dating anyone right now?”

His grin fades, he wants to pull the stupid heart out of his chest for beating this hard in the midst of him trying to keep his composure. Baekhyun sees it and blinks as if he just said something wrong.

Chanyeol’s smile comes back, and it only becomes bigger. “Well…that seems to be right.”

But if he considers the man in front of him, then he’s completely taken.

Baekhyun pulls something out from his pocket, a small envelope that is slightly wrinkled. He straightens it first before handing it to Chanyeol.

“My gift.” he insists when Chanyeol becomes reluctant in accepting it, “I wasn’t there for your birthdays and two previous auctions. Plus I didn’t buy any painting tonight.” he smiles again, “Consider that as both birthday and congratulatory gift.”

Chanyeol stares at him before looking at the envelope in his hand. He opens it and sees nothing but a piece of thick paper inside. He pulls it out.

_Prague._

“Hyung…” Chanyeol gasps, shaking his head to Baekhyun, “This is…I can’t―”

“Nope.” Baekhyun stops his hand from giving it back, “Don’t try refusing it again. That’s nothing compared to the gifts from your clients and sponsors. I’m really gonna be upset this time if you refuse.” he narrows his eyes before laughing gently.

Chanyeol looks at him seriously, unable to insist on giving it back. It’s too much, but knowing Baekhyun, he has always been the type to give extravagant gifts.

“I…” Chanyeol glances down to the ticket before staring back at him, “It’s one ticket…”

Baekhyun isn’t able to answer immediately. He forces a smile before responding.

“Well…you said you’ve always wanted to go there.”

 _Yes._ Chanyeol wants to answer.  _With you._

“I just want you to be happy, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol stares right in his eyes. The risks, the effort, all the courage he gained for the long period of time without Baekhyun came to his mind. He waited for this for so long, _so_ _why should he hesitate?_

It’s long gone in Chanyeol’s vocabulary. His night must end without having any regrets. All the running is over. It’s tiring and he won’t let this chance slip from his hands again.

“Then are you, hyung?” he asks without removing his eyes from Baekhyun, “Are you happy for me?”

Baekhyun looks at him, slightly bewildered.

“Of course.” he says quietly, “I’m always proud of what you do, Chanyeol. Always.”

Chanyeol swallows the lump in his throat as he smiles, he nods his head as he continues.

“Do you know why I always ask you if you’re happy with me? If you’re proud? If I make you feel good?”

Baekhyun remains staring at him, unresponsive. His chest is heaving beneath his coat.

“Because when you do, then it’s good enough for me.” he continuously speaks, “I always want to know what you think, what you feel, your sentiments and thoughts. No matter how little it is, I’m always interested. You’ve captured me so much, and one day I just knew that whatever makes you happy does the same for me. I can only feel completely proud of myself if you are…” he blinks when he feels the warmth in his eyes, “So thank you, hyung. Because now I can finally say I’m fulfilled with all the things I’ve done. Hearing it from you means a lot to me.”

Baekhyun’s gaze becomes softer. Chanyeol can see how the post lights reflect on his glistening eyes.

“You’ve become a part of me, Baekhyun-hyung.” he says with a smile but his eyes are watering, “And now that you’re right here in front of me, I feel like a big part of me was lost without you. I feel like I finally got it back, and it’s such a relief.”

Baekhyun bites his lip.

“Chanyeol…”

“And I don’t know…if you’re back for good, if you came back for me, if you’ll leave again, but I want to let this out now. I don’t want to let you go again without saying this. Because if I do, then I might go crazy. You told me to live my life without regrets, and this is what I’m doing.” he doesn’t bother wiping the tear that falls down to his cheek, “I love you, Baekhyun-hyung. So much. More than you can imagine. You made my once uncertain life worth living. But I am sure now. Nothing’s uncertain for me. No matter how deranging it is being in love with you, it’s still my most certain decision.”

The smaller is crying in front of him, and Chanyeol is still not used to it. He just said what he felt. He didn’t expect he’ll affect Baekhyun like this.

He takes a step closer before using his thumb to wipe the tears away from Baekhyun’s face. His large hands bring warmth on Baekhyun’s freezing face. The cold breeze of winter air blows against them.

“Are you still troubled, hyung?” he asks, eyes filled with hope. “Are you still not sure about me? Do you still need more time away? Just tell me how long should I wait.”

Baekhyun sniffs, his eyes are closed as he feels Chanyeol’s touch. He opens his eyes to look directly at his orbs.

“Shouldn’t you ask me if you still have to wait or not?” Baekhyun mumbles, “Instead of asking me how long?”

Chanyeol laughs.

“You know it’s no use.” he smiles, “I’ll wait for you anyway. You’ll have a lifetime stalker.”

He laughs again but soon stops when Baekhyun eventually breaks into tears. Chanyeol starts panicking when Baekhyun sobs loudly against his palm.

“Hyung?” Chanyeol tries to remove his hand from his face to look at him, “What’s wrong? Did I say something ―”

“I missed you! I-I almost went crazy too!” he sobs, “E-Every night I listened to your stories...a-and it was so hard not to press the goddamn channel to answer! It’s fucking torture I don’t want to do that again!” he can barely understand Baekhyun because of the sobs between his words. Chanyeol only stares at him in shock, “I a-always dreamed about you and I w-was crying every night... I s-sometimes ask myself what if you found someone else better!” he hiccups and drops his hands, exposing his tears and red nose. “I b-bought two tickets, Chanyeol! For Prague! But I was s-so afraid you moved on so I-I hid the other one!”

He continues hiccuping from the continuous shouting and crying he did. After a brief silence, Chanyeol wheezes and breaks down into laughter.

“W-What…” Baekhyun stares at him, “Why are you laughing?!”

Chanyeol motions him with his hand as he tries to calm down but terribly fails. Baekhyun glares at him before he eventually falls on Chanyeol’s chest, long arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“What am I gonna do without you, hyung?” he coos, voice still filled with humor. From where they stand, he glances at the street lights and notices the tiny particles falling from the sky. Just in time.

“I can’t believe you  _fucking_  made fun of me.” Baekhyun hisses between his arms, “This is why I’m barely vocal about my―”

Chanyeol carries the job of shutting him up with how he wanted. He didn’t need to wait too long for Baekhyun to grab the back of his head and kiss him back fully. He holds his waist tighter while Baekhyun grabs him by his dark locks.

For a moment, he thought he was hallucinating when something cold touches his cheek. But when they continue to fall on their hair, they pull away from the kiss and look up at the same time. Snowflakes are continuously falling from the sky down to where they stand. Chanyeol is the first to look down again, catching Baekhyun smiling at the falling snow from above.

“Kissing under the first snow, huh?” the older grins at him, “How unoriginal.”

Nonetheless, Chanyeol leans down once more to kiss him again. Foreheads touching, they stop to catch some breath, Chanyeol traces the snowflake that fell right on Baekhyun lip with his thumb. He catches the way Baekhyun’s lips curve into a smile against his thumb.

“What have I done to deserve you...” he mumbles whilst their noses touch.

Chanyeol flashes a wide grin.

“Maybe because you saved a neurotic college boy long time ago.” he takes a quick peck in between, “And loved him for who he is… a paranoid painter who can’t even cross the street alone.”

Baekhyun smiles because of this.

“Figures.”

Chanyeol completely pulls away before presenting his palm.

“Give me the other ticket.”

The smaller creases his brows in confusion. Though he pulls out something from his coat pocket and slowly hands it to Chanyeol.

“This will be the last time you’ll spend this much on me.” Baekhyun nods but his smile implies a lot, “I’m serious, hyung. I’m earning now, I want to be able to provide if I can.”

Baekhyun sighs, “Alright. If you say so.” he raises a brow, “Now can you stop calling me ‘hyung’ too? It doesn’t sound good to me now.”

Chanyeol grins at him, crossing his arms over his shoulders.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to marry me first to make me stop.” he laughs when Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He follows Baekhyun who’s now walking ahead towards the Thunderbird he has always loved, reaching his pace to walk beside him.

“Fine. If that’s what it takes.”

He takes a deep breath then, “Will you come away with me, hyung? To Prague?”

Baekhyun grins back, his tone is teasingly confused. “Isn’t that my line?”

Both of their laughter stood out from the quiet street. Baekhyun reaches out for Chanyeol’s hand and intertwines it with his own like how he used to do.

“Well you can ask me to come away with you to the boathouse tonight.” Chanyeol lets him put both their hands inside his coat’s pocket, “After all, you owe me a lot.”

Baekhyun turns to him with his narrowing eyes but Chanyeol only raises both his brows, faking innocence.

“Fine. I’ll come with you to Prague if you come with me tonight to the boathouse.” he suppresses a smile, “Happy?”

Chanyeol is more than happy.

“Sounds like a deal.” he says before earning another smile as they hop inside the vintage car, Chanyeol will be driving this time. The fliers of his show are still everywhere on the road, starting to be covered by the thickening snow.

How strange it was―a couple of seasons ago, he met Byun Baekhyun, a total stranger whom he trusted enough to hop on his motorcycle with a dangerous speed. And now he’s here, giving him another kiss inside the car because the one they did outside, according to him, was too  _wholesome_  and  _romantic_. Chanyeol can barely remember what he feared that night, because it’s nothing compared to the thought of having to wake up without his favorite hyung every day. Fortunately, same hyung promised him to be there when he conquers his fears. Yet unbeknownst to him, the college boy he saved long time ago fears nothing now. Because he’s here. Right where Chanyeol needs him to be.

It was the first night of winter.

 


End file.
